The girl does not respond to messages

Things that make it clear that you are being ignored

It happens that a girl did not immediately see the message because she was at training or working, her phone was dead - but you never know the reasons! But this is not your story if there are these signs:

She read the message, but has not responded for over an hour.
She does not respond, but at the same time publishes entries; the website shows that she is online.
You write her another message, but this time it no longer appears as read.

Even if you encounter these signs, there is no reason to be discouraged until you understand the reason. Your further strategy of behavior will depend on it. And there can be many situations!

The young lady always writes first, what does it mean?

She likes to be the "leader"

You've probably heard that in almost every relationship there is a leader and a follower. As a rule, in couples the man becomes the leader, but this does not change the fact that some women prefer to reserve this right for themselves. There may be certain reasons for this behavior. Perhaps the girl previously came across infantile men who were unable to build full-fledged relationships. Now the girl prefers to take everything into her own hands, starting with correspondence.

She's in love

It is possible that Mademoiselle has sincerely fallen in love with you, and it is quite natural for her to write to you first. Moreover, she does not see anything wrong with this at all, and simply rejoices at any opportunity to communicate with you. She can openly write that she was waiting for you on the Internet, bombard you with a lot of questions, and so on.

She is bored

The girl does not write first not only to you, but also to some other people. The reason is quite trivial - she is simply bored and does not know what to do with herself. Having seen a person interesting to her on the Internet, she enthusiastically enters into correspondence, thereby simply “killing time.”

She is jealous

She wants her to be the main reason you go online in the first place. Fearing that this may not be confirmed, she acts proactively - she interests you first. In this way, she develops in you the awareness that she is invariably present in your life. She may also be afraid that if she leaves you “unattended,” you will begin to show interest in someone else, so she always tries to be in your field of vision.

She's testing you so she decided to ignore you

There are provocateur girls who like to test a man. She wants to understand how interested you are in her and how you will behave. Usually, she chooses an insignificant excuse to ignore, which she will speak about only after resolving the situation.

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How long should you wait before replying to a message?

This question caused the most controversy and disagreement among respondents. And these are the tactics people usually follow.

Tactics for doubling response time: they answer you in five minutes, you wait ten. This way, you will always be in a better position because you will appear busier and less approachable than your interlocutor.
Some wait a few minutes to show that there is something more important in their life than a phone.
Some respondents believe that it is better to double the response time, but sometimes you can answer quickly, there is nothing wrong with that (as, indeed, with a response that takes too long).
Some people claim that they expect exactly 1.25 times the response time.
Others say that waiting three minutes is enough.
There were also those who were already fed up with such games, so they responded immediately as soon as they saw the message. They believe that their answers without feigned anticipation seem more lively and confident.

But do these tactics really work? And why do so many people adhere to them? Let's see if these strategies compare with actual psychological research.

What to do if a girl doesn't respond to a message

There are many options for what to write if a girl doesn’t answer and how to behave. The main thing is not to let the situation take its course if you are interested in a girl, but at the same time not to be intrusive. You'll need to become a cold-blooded strategist to win her back:

Try sending another message from the examples below. If possible, it is better not to send SMS, but to call and chat to understand exactly what is happening.
If you realized that you offended the girl in some way, then simply apologize. Explain that there was a misunderstanding and you didn’t want to offend her.
Give her time. If he doesn’t respond in a day, try in a week; if necessary, wait a month. But don’t rely too much on SMS: a personal chance meeting will help establish communication faster.
If you corresponded on a social network and she disappeared, then try to contact her in other ways. Maybe she forgot her password, was blocked, lost her phone and has not yet restored all the applications. There can be a lot of reasons.
If a girl ignores you, try asking her to meet.

Why, why does a girl or woman stop communicating without explanation or apparent reasons?

If it seems to you that a girl has begun to communicate with you less often, then ask her directly for what reason. You shouldn’t invent it yourself, as you might make a mistake.

Possible reasons:

Resentment. The young lady is angry for some reason. Moreover, the reason may be quite simple. There are people who are very easy to offend, since they themselves do not mind playing the role of a victim. In this case, you should leave the girl, because the grudge games will continue forever.
Different interests. This happens after a short conversation or a first date. The girl does not see a future in your relationship. The couple should look in the same direction.
Workload. Usually the fair sex warns that they will be busy. The workload may be due to work, school or family matters.
The desire to separate. This is certainly not the best way to end a relationship, but many girls and men resort to it. They simply stop calling and texting each other without warning. This also happens. Therefore, if your partner does not communicate and ignores your messages, do not insist.

Why, why does a girl or woman stop communicating without explanation or apparent reasons?

What not to do if a girl decides to remain silent

So, the girl reads the messages, but does not respond. You are in a panic: your pride is hurt and you have succumbed to emotions, so you begin to put pressure on her and immediately apply all the methods that you have learned about, but this cannot be done, just like these things:

Don’t write to her “Where did you go? Why are you ignoring me? Answer please!". The correspondence promises to be long, but one-sided, and after that you risk being blocked altogether.
Don’t be aggressive: “If you don’t answer, that’s fine! I didn’t really want to talk to you! I would just say that you’re not interested in me!” If a girl doesn’t write, then after such SMS she won’t want to answer at all.
Don’t threaten: “I’ll send you messages until you answer!” You shouldn’t write something like that: it won’t help you win favor.
Don’t proudly put a point: “If you’re interested in me, now write yourself.” He won’t write unless something is needed. Only your correct initiative can turn the situation around.
Don't call mutual friends or her parents. If a girl takes a long time to respond to messages, then she will be unpleasant that everyone around her will know about it. It's hard to get rid of guys who behave this way, so it's better not to let them into your life right away.
When she finally answers, treat it neutrally: without unnecessary joy and without dissatisfaction.

If a girl ignores you, then don’t be upset: there are reasons for everything. She may be hesitant to answer or be offended, but it is extremely rare that the reason for silence is that she is not interested in you. This may be the case if you don’t know each other, but if you’ve already communicated and she chooses to pointedly ignore you, then that means, at a minimum, she’s thinking about you. But if you understand that this is not so, then have pride and with dignity just leave the person who does not value you.

Should a guy text a girl first?

Since ancient times, there has been a stereotype: a man needs to be the first to take the initiative.

It’s better for the guy to write first: silence can be interpreted as a reluctance to communicate

In the last century, the situation when a woman made contact herself was considered bad manners. Everyone considered her to be a frivolous person. The ladies were looking forward to the first step from their beloved young man.

There are several basic situations when a man needs to take the initiative:

acquaintance;
after the date.

It’s better for the guy to write first: silence can be interpreted as a reluctance to communicate.

Important! If a lady gave a phone number during a meeting, then in most cases this means a desire to continue communication.

Reason #5. She's losing interest in you

If a girl begins to gradually move away, is in no hurry to answer, and is not interested in your affairs, it means that she is losing attraction to you.

But this shouldn't bother you in any way.

There are a lot of cool girls on VKontakte who are ready to go on a date with you.

The main reason for loss of interest is an overabundance of messages.

Correspondence with a woman should be in such a mode that she wants to continue.

If you overwhelm her with your messages, she will become stuffy, lose romantic interest and stop responding.

Don't get carried away with unnecessary texts just because a girl is paying attention to you.

You are not her pen pal!

Use text messages only as a means to meet a girl in person.

Unreasonable text messages make you seem too available.

Remember that attraction grows with distance.

You have to give the girl the opportunity to miss you.

If you start bombarding her with meaningless texts, she will quickly get tired and will no longer rush to answer.

Again, you shouldn’t pay too much attention to a girl until she has invested enough money (time, effort, attention) in you.

So write to the girl less often, give her freedom, and her attraction to you will increase.

Girls are more willing to respond to rare messages that contain specific information.

How can a man properly ignore a woman he likes?

It is important to understand that women usually use ignoring specifically for something; it has a specific goal that your interlocutor wants to achieve. So what are the options? Perhaps this is how a woman expresses resentment, wants revenge, or hopes to end your relationship. As soon as you fully understand why a woman behaves this way, something else will become clear to you - how to act in such a difficult matter.

However, do not rule out the possibility that this person is not only ignoring you. Some women get tired of problems or uncertainty in their personal lives, after which they decide to take some kind of break - that is, to distance themselves from any personal contacts with men. In this case, you should act delicately, show your chosen one that you are ready to wait and understand the reasons for her fears.

If we are talking about an adult woman, then it is possible that she is tired of any correspondence and “virtual love”. Try to transfer your courtship into real life, and act like that. The older a woman is, the less time she usually wants to spend on correspondence, which in many cases simply ends in nothing. Show your readiness for a real relationship.

Acceptable Ignore and Alarm Signals

Okay, we must admit that each of us at least once responded to the interlocutor with short messages or did not write anything at all in response. There could be a million reasons for this, some of which I give in this article, but now the main thing is not “why”, but “what does it mean”. When should you perceive a temporary pause in a conversation as a natural element of it, and after which should you tense up?

In these cases, the girl’s ignoring does not mean anything and you can ignore it:

before that, she communicated with you lively and interestedly, answered in more than one word and showed interest in communication;
after being ignored, she explains where she was missing or at least returns the conversation to the same active direction;
this happens sporadically or rarely, mostly you communicate normally.

But when her lack of response indicates that she is not in the mood to continue your communication:

she ignores you most of the time, almost never showed interest in communication;
it lasts for a long time (more than a week);
She herself is an active and friendly person, but she is stingy with emotions towards you.

Those who recognized their situation in the first list can stop reading the article at this point. And if you get into the second one, the following blocks are for you.

How to deliberately ignore a girl to interest her

Some young people, having once learned the full power of ignoring, continue to actively use the acquired technique in conquering the opposite sex. Of course, you may be afraid to take this step, believing that in this way you will only ruin all relations with your chosen one, but note that if you act competently and thoughtfully, then such behavior will only play into your hands.

Surely similar stories have happened to you: you managed to meet an interesting girl and took her phone number. However, this is where all the good news ended - subsequently you were unable to get through to the girl or you could not get a meeting with her. It is also possible that you generally failed to interest the girl you liked, or that your beloved, after some time of harmonious relationships, suddenly began to destroy them with her behavior.

Such incidents happened to many guys, and how did they most often behave? As a rule, when faced with a girl’s whims or inattention, young people try to win her favor by giving her gifts, trying in every possible way to please, solve some of her problems, get into position, and so on. The maximum that could be achieved after all this was the phrase: “You are a good guy, but I only have friendly feelings for you.” However, the outcome can be even worse - the girl simply asks to leave her alone.

How does “correct” ignoring work?

However, things could be different if you used a technique that pick-up artists call “close-far” - ignoring is part of this technique. Ignoring refers to the “further” part. Many may be surprised that someone can behave this way when seducing a girl, believing that in this circumstance, on the contrary, the emphasis should be on increased activity, and not let everything take its course. In general, this opinion is wrong, and over time, many guys realize that it is not always possible to achieve a positive result if you constantly “go on the offensive.”

It is important to realize that ignoring is a preliminary and often necessary step before other actions. He pursues a specific task - the establishment of incorrectly built or begun relationships. The point of ignoring to a large extent is to disappear from the field of view of your chosen one for a certain period, thereby allowing her to miss you and think about you. Also, by ignoring you can achieve another goal - to smooth out the opinion about yourself if it is not very good, because we all know that over time a person reacts less sharply to everything bad and forgets about some disappointments. For example, you behaved incorrectly and the relationship went in the wrong direction. This suggests that you need to take a break and get the girl to think differently. We all know that it is better to start again after a certain time-out.

We also note that ignoring someone helps many people to underestimate the importance of a girl. If you don't show interest in her for a while, the girl who liked you even a little will undoubtedly start to worry and think about what's wrong with her or why you're barely paying her attention. Subsequently, these experiences may turn out to be in your favor - you simply explain that you were busy with something very important (if explanations are needed) and invite her on a date. Surely, after such a buildup of emotions, the girl will not refuse you. If this does happen, then hide again for a while and try again.

Ignoring can also be used if a girl behaves strangely and provokes conflicts. Many guys at these moments try to improve everything with gifts, signs of attention, when they just need to disappear for a while. Then explain it as something you needed to think about. During the period of your ignoring, the girl will reconsider her behavior and understand that she has “overstepped” and there is no need to do so.

The answer is like a reward

In recent years, behavioral scientists have been studying why waiting tactics have such a powerful effect on people.

You will appear less attractive if you respond to messages immediately.

Psychologists have conducted hundreds of studies in which they gave animals rewards under different conditions. One of the most interesting findings is “uncertain reward,” that is, the situation when an animal, when pressing a lever, cannot predict whether it will receive a reward. It turned out that uncertainty significantly increases the animal’s interest in receiving a reward: the level of dopamine increases, so that, one might say, it gets high from this feeling.

In laboratory animals that receive a reward every time they press a lever, their interest eventually wanes. After all, they know that as soon as they want a reward, they will get it.

The same principle applies in relationships: if you are a guy or girl who responds to messages without delay, you will begin to be taken for granted. As a result, you reduce your value as a reward. This means that the other person will not feel a strong need to respond to the message. Or, as in the case of laboratory animals, the need to press a lever.

Who are we? - Excuses!

For my favorite critics, I’ll immediately make a reservation - these are not “excuses”. For some reason, guys always forget that girls live by emotions. And the experiences in their head VERY strongly influence their behavior. You could even say that they completely determine how a girl will behave.

There are attitudes driven into your head (like yours - “a man doesn’t cry”), which sometimes even cause harm, but the algorithm of behavior and reaction has already been so firmly developed that it will not be possible to change it.

Moreover, such behavior is possible not only at the initial stages of communication. When you have sex and a relationship, she may also not bother texting you first, for example, in the morning.

Reason #4. She texts other guys

When a girl is super attractive and single, she will get a ton of attention from men.

So there is a high chance that she will be messaging multiple guys at the same time.

Your message may automatically end up at the very bottom, so wait your turn.

That being said, you should never take it personally and think that she underestimates you.

If you somehow show your jealousy and begin to demand full attention, then she will simply add you to the black list and forget you like a bad dream.

If you show her your weakness and dependence, she will feel power. You will no longer control the development of your relationship.

In addition, the woman will lose attraction to you.

Jealousy is a sign of weakness and lack of self-confidence.

You yourself put the stigma on yourself “I’m worse than other guys who write to you.”

She will stop trusting you and considering you as a potential partner.

Sooner or later she will stop responding to your messages.

What do texting and gambling have in common?

Messaging is an environment in which our minds begin to operate in specific ways. Before everyone had cell phones, people always waited a while (hours or days) before calling back without the other person being bothered. Correspondence has taught us to receive faster answers. According to surveys, this indicator varies from person to person in the range from 10 minutes to one hour.

Natasha Schüll, an anthropologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (USA), studies gambling addiction, specifically what happens to the minds and bodies of people who become addicted to slot machines. Unlike cards, horse racing or the weekly lottery, which force players to wait (for their turn, when the horses finish, for the start of the weekly drawing), slot machines allow gambling without delay, since the player receives information quickly.

Natasha Shul

Anthropologist at MIT

You are accustomed to expecting instant results, so you begin to lose patience at any slightest delay. When you're texting someone you like but don't know well enough yet, it's a lot like a slot machine. There is also a lot of uncertainty, anticipation, and anxiety here. You are set to receive a message. You want it, you need it right now. But if you don't get a quick response, it throws you off track.

Text messages are different from the messages people left on answering machines before the advent of smartphones. A message on an answering machine can be compared to buying a lottery ticket. You know in advance that you will have to wait until you find out the winning numbers. You don't expect a call back right away. You may even enjoy this feeling of uncertainty because you know in advance that you will have to wait a few days. But with texting, if you don't get a response after 15 minutes, you start to freak out.

Reasons for a girl's long response

A long answer is a delay of several minutes to several hours. Causes:

1. The girl doesn’t like to text each other (this is my case). I can see the message in the announcement that is displayed when a notification is given to read its beginning, but I don’t like typing on my smartphone so much that I forget about them very often. And this is not only with guys - girlfriends can also wait for my answer late at night, when I go to bed and, out of boredom, go to the messenger before going to bed.

That is, it’s just a human characteristic . Yes, I often have my phone in my hands, I use it to take pictures (of children, for example), and keep track of the time. But I brush away the messages. Then, when I feel like it, I’ll read it. Almost all of my chats are set to “no notifications”. So like this. Happens.

2. She is too busy to answer now. Work, urgent household chores, guests, busy hands - in general, objective reasons for which there is no point in making excuses. And after them, some other circumstances arose. In general, the message returns after some time.

3. You write boring and uninteresting things . But she still likes you, and she sluggishly tries to keep the conversation going. Or he responds out of politeness, sending a one-word answer or an emoticon. Unfortunately, the most unpleasant option. But he shouldn’t be discounted. I’ll tell you what to do in this case below.

Well, to prevent this from happening, find out what to write to a girl to make her feel good: 6 torpedoes (will open in a new tab). And anyway, I have a lot of articles on my blog with options for cool correspondence, I advise you to take a look at the publications.

4. No mood at the moment (but will appear later). You can twist it at your temple at this point, however, this is a common cause in girls who are more susceptible to the influence of emotions than men. This does not depend on you, these are our personal characteristics.

5. Maybe on a business trip or where there is poor communication (at the dacha).

6. Doesn’t know what to answer , is shy or gathering thoughts. He wants you to like him, so he thinks for a long time about the answer.

7. She is a noble intriguer . And this is how it takes a “pause” to keep you hooked. You suffer, wait, and when she condescends to you, you rejoice. In short, it swings you on an emotional swing. I also wrote about this method, although in relation to girls.

8. Your message is narrative. She read and took note. What's the answer here? But after some time I remembered you and decided to write something.

How not to make a mistake

If communication is not going well, you should not make mistakes:

remove a girl from friends;
write aggressive messages or threats;
blackmail or try to expose the chosen one in the absence of feelings;
write sad statuses or post confessions on her page.

When communicating with a girl, you cannot consider her the only one in the world. When the understanding appears that she is the same as the others, feelings for her will disappear.

Ignoring is a bad sign in communication between members of the opposite sex. Even if these are temporary difficulties, an unpleasant aftertaste will remain, so after establishing communication, discuss all the problems and ask your loved one not to do this again.