Sometimes fate turns out in such a way that a woman finds herself alone. There can be many reasons for this:
• divorce or separation; • death of a loved one; • tense relationships with the opposite sex, etc.
And so fate turned out like this. There is no one to go to the cinema or theater with, no one to set the table for and put an extra plate and cup on, no one to buy beautiful dresses or underwear for. And a simple walk in the park is now more like going to the store for bread, rather than a romantic date.
Photo by Biel Morro on Unsplash
There is no one to discuss the latest news with, watch TV or listen to your favorite music. In addition, if there are always children nearby, then the situation is complicated by the fact that there is no breadwinner in the family, no one to dress and put on their shoes.
Unfortunately, this has happened at least once in every woman’s life. When a man disappears from the radar, you just want to disappear from the face of the earth, because many problems appear. But how to deal with this and how not to become a man in this situation?
Decide who you want to be
Using three adjectives, describe the kind of person you want to be.
Perhaps the image will change over time, but the very fact of its presence is very important: the selected qualities will serve as your value guide and the basis for decisions and actions. Perhaps some qualities will be relevant for a short time, for a specific task or goal. Others will stay with you for a long time. Decide for yourself. Adjectives don't have to be serious. You may have gone through difficult times, so cheer yourself up. Consider whether you want to be: positive, brave, kind, skillful, strong, motivated, calm, optimistic, wise, gentle, loving, resilient, generous, compassionate, open, effective, friendly, active, energetic, patient, happy, generous , passionate, disciplined, responsible, caring.
Act like the person you would like to become and you will eventually become that person. Be your own beacon and guide.
Hobby
How not to be lonely? A person who does what he loves will never be lonely. If you feel worthless, think about the activity that brings you the most pleasure. This could be some kind of applied art, music or sports activities. Choose an area of activity that you are passionate about and in which it will be easy for you to realize your potential. Practice your chosen activity as often as possible and spare no effort and time to acquire new skills. A passionate person will never feel lonely.
Control your reactions
Very often you will have to mobilize all your internal resources to remain strong and courageous. You must admit that you cannot run away from unpleasant emotions or shrug them off. You must face them, acknowledge these feelings, understand them properly and learn to control them.[…]
It's important to remember this when people hurt your feelings, either intentionally or accidentally. They themselves are not always aware of the impact of their words and actions. At such moments, I try not to forget that people are only projecting their own attitude towards themselves onto me. By impulsively reacting to your interlocutor’s remark, you give him your strength. If I see that a person is really trying to hurt me, then I mentally raise a shield with a mirror facing him in order to protect myself and show him that now he is not talking about me, but about himself.
Of all the advice I have received in life, one of the most useful was the following: you cannot influence how people will treat you or change some situations, but you can control your reaction to them.
You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can control your sails.
The same goes for living alone: perhaps you would like to share shelter with another adult or have a family, but the reality is that there is no one nearby, so how joyful such a life will be for you will depend only on your attitude to the current situation .
As my own life experience shows, difficulties strengthen us. A grain of sand in a shell turns into a pearl. Therefore, perceive any troubles - and they will be - as veils, through which you will become stronger and wiser. And if you urgently need to throw out your seething emotions, take a dozen eggs and go for a walk in the forest; Throw the eggs into the trees with all your strength - and feel how satisfaction replaces anger!
Refuse overwork
“It is important not to overwork during self-isolation, but at the usual time to still switch to other experiences. The temptation is high to continue working after the end of the working day, since there is nothing to do anyway. Doing this, especially under stress (and we experience stress from change), is contraindicated. On the contrary, we must help the brain adapt and treat it with special care,” the agency’s interlocutor noted.
Chronic stress causes panic attacks in many people. Since the brain does not distinguish between an imaginary and a real threat and reacts to everything with the same release of hormones, it is important to limit oneself from receiving exciting information from the outside, the psychotherapist added. “Limit reading the Internet and social networks, unfollow alarmists, pay more attention to real activities that involve fine motor skills: putting together puzzles, knitting, sewing, painting pictures. It’s calming,” Bokova continued.
Also, according to her, it is important to rely on reality, and not concentrate on horror stories in your head. “Contact your parents and loved ones via video or at least by phone, so as not to imagine horrors about them, write down what you can do during the epidemic and are doing, and refer to this list in moments of anxiety. Otherwise, the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system, accumulating stress, is in a state of high alert all the time, and then suddenly reacts to a minor change, to some little thing that just became a trigger,” she said.
Look down on loneliness
The mere fact that no one is around doesn't mean anything. The problem is the feeling of loneliness, which appears under different masks. It can be hidden behind sadness, apathy, indifference, fatigue, depression. It's tangible. It's real. It won't go away that easily. How to defeat him?
Understand that this is normal. Accept your loneliness and move on with your life. There is no escape from the feeling of loneliness. It is a fact. Everyone I talked to while working on the book touched on the topic of loneliness. Everyone experiences this feeling: some to a greater extent, some to a lesser extent. It's like you're driving through hilly terrain and occasionally descending into dark valleys. This feeling is expected. The main thing is not to linger in the lowlands, do not set up camp there.
You can fight the oncoming feeling of loneliness with moral and physical means. The first ones are much more important. You can, of course, physically surround yourself with people, but your sense of self has nothing to do with them. This is an internal attitude. There is no hiding from him; you will only run away from yourself. So accept it, come to terms with it and move on with it.
Accept that loneliness, like happiness, sadness, death, birth, love and delight, is an integral part of being human.
Resign yourself and move on with your life.
Who understands your loneliness
Sometimes it's hard to understand how trusting in a God you can't see can help you feel less alone
Friday night. But the Bible says God will never forsake his children, and he is close to all who call on His name. He loves you and wants a relationship with you. He wants you to come to Him when you are lonely!
And not only that, he understands. When Jesus was going through the worst hours of His life and was about to be crucified, His friends abandoned Him and even pretended not to know Him. Jesus knows what it is like to be a person abandoned by everyone. The Bible says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18). How would you feel when, in your deepest moment of loneliness, you knew someone was there with you? The God who created you is with you and will never leave you!
Replace "loneliness" with "solitude"
Paul Tillich wrote: “Language wisely separates two sides of one phenomenon. There is a word for loneliness that means suffering without others. And there is a word, “solitude,” which means bliss without others. Turn away from loneliness with its criticism and isolation. Turn to face its more welcoming brother - solitude.
Solitude is closer to a conscious decision and allows you to maintain your self-esteem. Solitude is a personal choice, while loneliness is a condition imposed by circumstances.
An old Buddhist saying goes, “A tenth of an inch is the difference, and heaven and earth are separate.” Solitude and loneliness are also separated by a tenth of an inch, but it is crucial for our sense of self.
When you live alone, you have to rethink your worldview, and this is not all the changes. Don't even think about considering living alone as a prison sentence that you have to serve. Change your perspective. Reframe the concept. Solitude is not a stone around your neck, but a protective capsule. A means to achieve a goal. Learn to draw strength from it - and you will be rewarded.
We have the opportunity to reflect on life
The life of the modern average person passes at an incredibly frantic pace. For some, this rhythm is so crazy that not only do they not have enough time to think about some philosophical things
, give yourself time for deep and important thoughts, but you can’t even find a moment to be alone.
Moose
If there is a period in your life when you often find yourself alone, you can only rejoice at the opportunity to reflect on your life in complete peace
. You don't waste your energy analyzing other people's thoughts, you deal with your own thoughts.
You can focus completely on what is happening personally within you. A calm atmosphere allows you not only to tune in to a philosophical mood, but also to analyze many aspects of life
. Loneliness gives us the opportunity to get to know ourselves better and, having made certain conclusions, choose the right direction to move forward in life more confidently.
Happiness at will
“If you want to be happy, be happy,” said Tolstoy. He knew something about life even before scientists began to seriously study the problem of happiness, and authors raced to write their practical guides for those who wanted to find the joy of life.
The world is as you see it. So if you feel like you missed your chance or that life has treated you unfairly, that is your reality. I'm not saying you should think positive thoughts with a fake smile on your face, but research (and common sense) indicates that a positive inner attitude leads to positive outcomes. In the morning, as soon as your feet touch the floor, think about how you would like to live the coming day.
Experts have proven that feeling happy contributes to success, and not the other way around.
Reasons why a woman is lonely?
Women who often encounter problems in romantic relationships end up withdrawing into themselves and begin to suffer from an inferiority complex. They live with the confidence that other representatives of the fair sex do not experience such difficulties and that they are the only ones unlucky.
Why are they unlucky, what is wrong with them, because of which all their attempts end in disappointment? Let's figure it out.
Low self-esteem
One of the most common reasons for female loneliness is low self-esteem. Most often, it is characteristic of overly emotional and sentimental ladies who have difficulty communicating with others.
Low self-esteem is mainly formed in the case of improper upbringing. If parents devoted little time to the child, rarely motivated him to succeed and practically did not praise him for him, then the child begins to experience a feeling of self-doubt and his capabilities.
Particularly authoritarian parents in their behavior can not only not help, but also harm:
- constant requirements;
- taking achievements for granted;
- depreciation of the efforts made.
All these nuances of upbringing ultimately lead to problems with the ability to objectively evaluate oneself as a person and difficulties in realizing oneself in society. For a girl with low self-esteem, it becomes the norm for thoughts to prevail that she is not good enough for relationships with guys, that there is nothing to love her for, because she is an ordinary mediocrity. And as a result, she becomes passive, timid and deliberately confident in her loneliness.
A woman with low self-esteem indeed experiences difficulties in building a relationship with her chosen one, but there is a solution to this problem:
- Appearance. If you think that you are not beautiful enough, then you should pay attention to your image. Change your clothing style, visit a beauty salon, find time to exercise. In general, make every effort and put your appearance in order so much that you start liking yourself. If you start to like yourself, consider that the first battle in the fight against low self-esteem is yours.
- Self-development. You can’t rely only on “bright packaging.” If your appearance serves you well on the first couple of dates, then over time the man begins to pay attention to your other qualities. First on this list are erudition and the ability to conduct a conversation. Even if you are at least three times beautiful, if you are not able to establish yourself as an interesting interlocutor, then you can’t count on a long relationship. Therefore, find the time and opportunity to engage in your own development: read useful literature, get additional education, sign up for interesting courses.
- Believe in yourself. Are you used to doubting every step you take and are sure in advance that nothing good will come of it? Get ready to fight these harmful attitudes. Remember that each person is unique and has not only disadvantages, but also advantages. Try to pay more attention to your strengths, praise yourself more often, convince yourself that everything will work out for you. Your task is to believe in yourself.
Heightened self-esteem
It’s not just low self-esteem that prevents you from building healthy and strong relationships. Its overstated form can also be a significant problem on the path to family happiness. And the root of this problem is the same - childhood and parents’ mistakes.
Boundless parental love, indulgence of children's whims and permissiveness lead to the fact that the child begins to consider himself special, better than other children. As a result, the girl grows up in a familiar environment of increased attention, to some extent tenderness and admiration from family and friends. However, such an attitude cannot guarantee increased attention from men and, if she does not become the center of male attention, she begins to experience confusion and bewilderment.
Or this option is possible: considering herself the best, the most beautiful and the smartest, the girl begins to literally sort through potential suitors. She rejects one because he is not handsome enough, another because he is not wealthy enough, and another because he is not very ambitious. There may be a lot of reasons for refusal of courtship, but they all have one thing in common - he is not good enough for her. And as a result: she is approaching 40 and still single.
How to deal with high self-esteem:
- Objectivity. Learn to sensibly evaluate yourself and your character. You can make a list that lists not only the advantages, but also the disadvantages. Your task is to understand that you are no better than others. Yes, you may be more beautiful than many others, but this does not mean that everyone around you should fall on their faces in front of you.
- Respect for others. Are you used to considering yourself better than others? It's time to get out of the habit. Disdain, vanity and arrogance are not qualities that can be considered positive. No man will build a long-term relationship with a woman who puts herself above others and treats others as if she is showing them favor.
- Friendliness. Learn to be friendly towards others, and also to communicate on equal terms with others, not forgetting about sincerity and friendliness.
Important
Inflated self-esteem is one of the traits inherent in egoists and egocentrics. If you manage to defeat the egoist within yourself, you will notice that you are surrounded by many good and worthy people, among whom is the man of your dreams.
Shyness
Surrounded by almost every person there is a woman who withdraws into herself. The root of this behavior lies in the so-called “excellent student” syndrome. Even during their school years, such girls get used to devoting all their time to studying; they have no time to meet with girlfriends and go on dates. They have a goal and they systematically achieve it. For them, the most important quality is hard work, and they understand that if you want to get something, you will have to make every effort. They do not complain about their difficulties, preferring to keep all their experiences to themselves.
Such distancing from others, seemingly for a worthy reason, leads to the fact that having achieved her goals, the woman understands that she is left completely alone. Well, yes, during that period while all her friends were forming their social circle, she was busy, in her opinion, with more important matters.
And then what should she do? She starts going on dates. Undoubtedly, she is smart and erudite and is able to carry on almost any conversation, but she does not know how to conduct a conversation in a relaxed manner. She was not taught to accept compliments, flirt, or recognize nonverbal signs from a man. As a result, she withdraws even more into herself, which does not add to her popularity among the stronger sex.
To solve the problem it is worth:
- Start dealing with uncertainty. Learn not to isolate yourself, train yourself to seek help and advice from other people. Yes, you are not used to it, but you will have to get over yourself.
- Openness. Don't hide in a distant corner if your colleagues are trying to involve you in conversation. At first, you will be uncomfortable with other people's attention and the need to open up to people around you, but the feeling of discomfort will gradually go away, and you will begin to enjoy sincere and friendly conversation.
- Pay attention to different men. You should not avoid communicating with men. No one is forcing you to consider each of them as a potential husband; start with meaningless conversations and gradually expand your circle of contacts. Perhaps somewhere nearby you will find the one.
Defective family
When building relationships and creating a family, people almost always rely on the experience of older generations: parents and grandparents. If the parents’ marriage ended in divorce or the relationship between them constantly consisted of quarrels and conflicts, then the girl on a subconscious level will repeat her mother’s script, avoiding serious relationships, believing that her marriage will be full of scandals and misunderstandings.
Solution to the problem:
- Try not to project your parents' negative family experiences onto yourself. The fact that their marriage ended badly suggests that they did not strive to make every effort to maintain the relationship, and perhaps they simply fell out of love with each other. This does not mean that everything will work out the same way for you; after all, it all depends on whether you are ready to work on yourself and your relationships.
- A positive example. Not all families live like a powder keg. Among your surroundings there should be many married couples in which harmony and respect for each other reign. Try to take an example from such couples.
- Believe in yourself. Understand that the success of your marriage depends on you and your chosen one. If you invest strength in your relationship and believe that everything will be fine, then it will be so. Don’t get hung up on the fact that you won’t succeed in anything good; such a pessimistic attitude will definitely not bring you any good.
Increase your power with a totem
We single people are like aerial acrobats in a circus, performing without a safety net. Criticism and sarcastic comments can throw us off balance in no time, and I am continually surprised and saddened by the number of them. Some come from strangers, some from friends and enemies pretending to be friends. Most of these people do not know what it means to live alone, and do not even suspect the extent to which their statements hurt us.
Okay, don't worry, life goes on. Without false optimism, I am sure that difficulties strengthen us and give us the opportunity to learn something, even if it may take many years to master the lesson. Perhaps our abusers are learning something too.
We must become thick-skinned. Wrap yourself in an imaginary protective cloak and let it ward off all grievances.
I learned resilience from three animals and began to consider them my totems. These are wild dog, lioness and bison.
Wild Dog Solo
As a child, I was given the book Solo by Hugo van Lawick. It tells about a wild dog puppy. After the death of her brothers in a fight with other dogs, Solo is left alone. She joins someone else's pack and tries her best to keep up with it. Strangers ignore her, but she does not give up. For me, this dog with sparkling eyes and torn ears from numerous fights is the embodiment of resilience. Her story serves as an example for me.
Lioness
During that period of my life, when the divorce process was going on, I accidentally came across one image that made a deep impression on me. On a bas-relief in the British Museum I saw an Assyrian lioness: wounded, she continues to fight. Now I see myself as a lonely lioness, restored to strength, restrained and proud.
Buffalo
Did you know that during a snowstorm, of all living creatures, only bison instinctively turn around and go straight into the heart of the storm, knowing that this is the shortest path to salvation. Perhaps I'm too carried away by anthropomorphism, but it is impossible not to fall in love with an animal that rushes towards difficulties without blinking an eye.
Solo's tenacity, the lioness's desperate resistance, and the buffalo's ability to face difficulties remind me that I should not give in to the negativity of pessimists, spiteful critics and imaginary friends.
Communicate more with parents
You will never feel lonely if your parents, brothers or sisters live in this world. How to stop being lonely? Improve your relationships with your family. After all, your family is the people who love you for the very fact of your existence. Mom always adores her children, no matter what they are. Fathers also love their children, and people always have close family ties with brothers and sisters. Therefore, do not neglect communication with loved ones. Visit your parents as often as possible and share your experiences and ideas with them. Tell your loved ones about how you are doing and what you are doing. Parents always want to be aware of the lives of their children, so they will listen to your stories with great pleasure. A family atmosphere, good mood from relatives and a warm welcome will help warm your soul and feel that you are not alone in this world. Therefore, do not be discouraged if at the moment you do not have many friends and a loved one nearby. As long as your parents are alive, you are one of the happiest and most beloved individuals in the world.
Turn your lonely life into a project
Why not write a book about your single life story or document it? What helps you? What advice would you give to other people in the same situation? What challenges have you faced and what lessons have you learned from them? How did the process of changing your sense of self from “I’m alone” to “I’m on my own” develop?
Many women have written about their experiences of secluded life, including Joan Anderson (A Year by the Sea), Anne-Morrow Lindbergh (Gift of the Sea), and Alix Cates Shulman (Drinking in the Rain). Read it. Perhaps you will find something inspiring in these books.
A full life alone is an internal attitude that cannot be formed on its own. Explore new experiences as if you were in a strange land, and draw a map of your life alone, as if it were an island. What is good about this island, and where are the problems? What beauties are you proud of? What corners have not yet been explored?
What to do in such a situation?
First of all, understand yourself. Perhaps during all the time without a man, the woman stopped wearing makeup, wearing dresses and heels, and generally resembles the main character from “Office Romance.”
Alisa Freindlich film Office Romance-2
Subconsciously, men will avoid such women, because they already have enough of one man in the house. They want to see and feel a gentle and trembling creature next to them, and not the plumber Misha from the next door.
Or maybe it's the other way around? When a woman tries to look beautiful, this is right, and perhaps she attracts the admiring glances of men. At the same time, she is strict and unshakable, she does not radiate joy, does not smile, and does not even show any signs of attention to the opposite sex.
Such a Snow Queen will repel men. They, again, want a gentle and romantic woman next to them, who will smile radiantly at even the stupidest joke and have fun to the fullest. There is only one life!
Be kind to yourself
We women are prone to harsh self-criticism, and it seems to me that living alone exacerbates this quality of ours. Sometimes I feel like the central mast of a circus big top - when I have to be responsible for everything at once - and I don’t always cope with this load successfully. We demand too much from ourselves, and when we don't meet our own expectations, it significantly undermines our self-esteem.
Not everything is going smoothly for everyone. So don't think about others. Congratulate yourself on the progress you have made and do not be afraid of what remains to be accomplished. Everything will work out.
Each of us has our own path, and it is different for everyone.
Loneliness as a choice
It doesn't matter where we are now. The main thing is where we will be in the future. This is what advertising for the multi-billion dollar tourism industry is based on. People have the privilege of making choices.
“If anyone wants to have friends, let him be friendly,” says the Bible text.
Modern progress and high levels of well-being have played a cruel joke on us. There is a change in our usual behavior. We spend more time on gadgets than with people. When we were young, we went to our neighbors for salt. Today, when we have everything, security has divided us into apartments. Online technologies allow us to talk to a person on the other side of the globe, but we do not remember the names of our neighbors.
The primitive system is not subject to loneliness. From time immemorial, people have survived together. This can be seen in the example of tribal lullabies that survive to this day.
Dear friend, I am sharing my poem with you. During periods of loneliness, he helped me.
And it’s not pain that hurts me, And it’s not sadness that bothers me, It’s just that something is missing, Loneliness hurts.
And they don’t wait for me at home, There is no one at home, Even though God is with me, I don’t care if I’m lonely.
But selfishness is a parody, I don’t want to divorce, I know the truth of the lonely, Those who stopped living.
And so I’m going home, So what if they don’t wait, But I’m waiting for guests, After all, someone needs a friend.
Find your ikigai - your purpose
The Japanese have a concept called ikigai - the reason that makes them get up in the morning. This is a person’s healthy craving for what fills his life with meaning; in other words, the goal. Finding it means finding the direction of movement; it's like marking a destination on Google Maps.
If you don’t set yourself such global goals as finding a higher goal or calling, if you’re not at all interested in that, don’t worry. Not everyone is born for a great mission.
There are many threads of experience in our lives that point the way to our goal. It happens that it is already known, but perhaps it is hidden on the periphery or in the past. Look into the depths of your consciousness and search hard. The goal does not have to be global and great. The main thing is that it suits you. She will be found; and you don't have to chase it too hard. Life constantly talks to us and gives us hints. Our job is to listen.
Fight your complexes
Do you understand why you can love yourself? Think about what complexes your parents and teachers put on you. A person who carries many complexes behind his back will not be able to live a full life. It will seem to a person that others see all his shortcomings. Get rid of feelings of inferiority. You need to write down all your complexes on a sheet, and then work through each of them. If you can’t do it yourself, you can contact a psychologist. An experienced specialist will help you understand yourself and find harmony in your soul.
Can't figure out how to cope with feelings of loneliness? Try to develop only positive qualities in yourself. Think about what character traits attract others. Everyone likes cheerful, sociable people who know how to present themselves. Become a person with whom others will be interested.
Be your own good company, encourager and supporter.
You are your own team. One person team. You spend more time with yourself than anyone else, so try to be your own good company. I'm lucky. I feel good alone with myself. But if everything is wrong with you, how can you improve the situation?
People rarely compliment or praise others, so fill that vacuum yourself. Don't wait for someone to tell you "well done" or "great job." Pat yourself on the back systematically. You do not lose heart and move on - this is already worthy of praise.
Find your soulmate
How to stop feeling lonely and unwanted? One of the good ways to get rid of inner emptiness is to fall in love. Find the right person and start a romantic relationship with him. Some might say that meeting your soulmate is not as easy as it seems. If a person purposefully searches for his love, then he will cope with the task very quickly. But before you start looking, you need to understand who you are looking for. Describe your ideal soul mate in every detail. You need to know exactly the type of person, as well as the ideal internal filling of your other half. When you know exactly who you should be looking for, you can figure out exactly where you need to meet someone. If you are looking for a creative spirit, then go to an exhibition or a concert. If you want to find an intellectually developed person, try going to the Bar Olympics.
But you don’t always need to look for a soul mate somewhere outside your social circle. Sometimes people cannot see the pretty person who is nearby. Therefore, before you begin your search, once again carefully think about all the representatives and representatives of your immediate social circle.
Slam the door in the face of all negativity
If you are tormented by negative thoughts, do not brush them aside, but acknowledge them. You can even give them names if it helps: “you are pettiness”, “you are impatience”, “you are tired and frustrated”. Now, with Nora's determination, slam the door in their face so they don't ruin your life anymore.
Instead of complaining about how and why you ended up in a particular situation, find the nearest reflective surface and say out loud what you are going to do about the situation.
Of course, anything happens in life. I don't live in a fantasy world and don't wear rose-colored glasses. My heart still shrinks a little from the sound of my “thank you” to the cashier at the supermarket, said in a voice hoarse from a whole day of silence. And sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep from worry. I miss the calming feeling of having someone nearby who I can rely on.
The thoughts in your head are not idle, and negativity always does its dirty work. They whisper in your ear: “You are old. You're ugly. You're a loser. You are fat. Is it possible to love you? What good are you to the world?” Women are very strong by nature, and it is doubly offensive that we voluntarily become hostages of these vile voices in our heads.
Fight them as best you can, do not succumb to their corrupting influence. We must deprive them of their strength, otherwise they will take root and bloom magnificently. Don't let yourself get bogged down in habitual dissatisfaction with everyone and everything: this is an emotional dead end. Pull yourself out of the swamp, shake off the dirt and move on. You choose your thoughts.
For myself
If you are single now, then the best way to survive loneliness is to take time for yourself with your loved one. If you are lonely, this is not a reason not to love yourself! You need to please yourself, take time for yourself, communicate with friends and lead a fulfilling life.
How to implement this: try starting with shopping. End a hard day with a trip to the cinema. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers or, better yet, flowers in a pot. Good literature, quality music, delicious dinner - train yourself to receive only the best. Worthy men often “fly” to the best, like butterflies to the light, don’t forget about it.
Read also: Psychologist explained why we often remain lonely
Act as if...
The words we choose significantly influence our sense of self, our approach to many things, and the outcome of our actions. The more often you say “I want...” or “I need...”, the less likely you are to get what you want. Instead, act as if everything has already happened and you are reaping the benefits. Replace “I would like to be successful” with “I am successful” and “I would like to have a job that I like” with “I have a great job” and behave accordingly. You will immediately notice dramatic changes in your attitude towards the world. This inner mindset is much more likely to lead you to success.
I am confident in the effectiveness of this technique, because I myself was forced to look for a full-time job when I was already over fifty, and everything worked out. Now I have to do it again. A harmful inner voice whispers: “I’m too old, no one will hire me.” I understand that such prophecies turn into a disaster, so I consciously changed my internal attitude to “Now I bring a lot of benefit to my clients. I am calm about my abilities, confident in them, I have significant valuable experience behind me.”
However, sitting at home, doing positive auto-training, reading “The Secret” and eating crumpets, I’m unlikely to find a job. To do this, I have to shake up my connections and send out a resume with a compelling cover letter. Now I approach this task with confidence and act as if...
If you can’t act on the “as if…” principle, try rephrasing the problems in a positive, pragmatic way, look at them as problems for which you simply need to find solutions.
- It was: “I can’t afford this.” It became: “How can I make it so that I can afford it?”
- It was: “I can’t.” It became: “How can I do it?”
- It was: “I find this difficult.” It became: “I’m working in this direction.”
- It was, “I should have.” It became: “I will do it.”
In general, the idea is clear.
Loneliness as a feeling
It’s amazing that there are so many people around, but we feel like a desert island when we encounter misunderstandings. In this case, to whom can you open your soul? However, believers, even in such an emotional state, turn to the Heavenly Father for help. The Bible says: “Call to Me and I will answer you, I will show you great and inaccessible things.” The Lord will always understand.
The feeling of loneliness cannot be called an illusion or stupidity. People find something to fill this hole - drinking, games, movies. These are all temporary patches. Everyone has an emptiness in their hearts that tinsel cannot fill. Holy place.
Loneliness gives you the opportunity to stop feeling like a victim.
Dean Drobot
Being a polite person is a very good quality. But the need to constantly please someone is hard and thankless work, which often puts us in the position of a victim.
. Telling someone "sorry" because you stepped on their foot is being polite. And constantly apologizing for not living the way someone else wants is trying to please someone, being in the role of a victim.
We often have to ask for forgiveness for what we have done or not done. This is because we constantly do things that upset other people and affect their feelings. But once you learn to have fun
from the fact that you are often alone, you will feel no need to apologize for anything to anyone (except for those whose toes you stepped on, of course, since no one has canceled basic politeness!).
The feeling of not having to constantly ask for forgiveness for anything, as well as not having to constantly feel guilty, makes it possible to feel truly free and independent.
human. Now you don’t have to constantly look around because you might accidentally offend, anger, or offend someone in some other way.
Free yourself from the need to constantly make other people happy
Dean Drobot
This message looks quite selfish, but this is not always the case. Think about this: in our lives, in addition to our family and very close circle, there are often people whom we are constantly forced to please
. Of course, a certain balance is assumed in relations between people, but this does not always happen and not with everyone.
The need to provide services, give advice, constantly connect someone with someone, solve other people’s issues is a rather tedious task that takes up a lot of our time
. And if life turns out in such a way that you are alone for a long time, then, having learned to accept this loneliness, learn to enjoy not having to spend your time making other people happy.
Your loneliness now means only one thing - the only person whose happiness you need to care about is yourself. Now you can spend more time on yourself, focusing your attention
on those things that give you pleasure; you have the opportunity to work on yourself, engage in self-development, improve your level of education and do many other things that are not available to people who are constantly in the public eye.
Loneliness helps you become a more independent person
Maridav
Once the fact of loneliness ceases to be something terrible for you, you begin to realize the benefits of the fact that you yourself are now responsible for those actions and decisions
that you accept. In other words, you stop pinning your hopes on someone who sometimes doesn’t live up to those hopes.
It turns out that loneliness makes us more independent. We begin to rely on ourselves, gradually increasing faith in our own strengths, becoming more independent
, self-confident and, if you like, more self-sufficient. We develop discipline and learn many new things at the same time.
We immediately go away with a lot of small and large problems that we were worried about, placing responsibility on other people. There is no need to constantly cooperate
with people who are unpleasant to us; a lot of time is saved, since there is no need to explain something to someone again, to convince someone of something.
Loneliness provides an opportunity to learn to value relationships with people
Jacob Lund
Many people, being forced to spend time alone regularly, eventually get used to this state so much that they get a certain pleasure
. This happens to a large extent because such people use the advice offered to you in this article.
In addition, the state of permanent loneliness, which is not burdensome, but brings satisfaction, opens up another unique opportunity for us: in this state we begin to especially appreciate moments of communication
with other people. We become selective, choosing higher quality interactions, enjoying rare moments of interaction with people more than those who are constantly in society.
Let's be honest: people who like to be alone often antagonize us because they seem arrogant to us. It's all about that self-sufficiency
which such a person feels. But if such people choose someone with whom they communicate on a regular basis, then they value such communication much more than those who are already constantly in sight, constantly in companies.
