Do you want to manipulate people with words? 14 technicians

How to manipulate people with words? It's simple! You just need to understand the theory.

Communication between people is an integral part of our lives. When you encounter people, you are somehow manipulated. Moreover, you yourself use these techniques in relation to others. Most people mistakenly think that manipulation is always negative. However, methods of manipulation are often used to achieve a positive effect in work, relationships, and communication with people. In today’s article we will take a closer look at the following issues of manipulative communication:

• Manipulation - the psychology of communicating with people
• What types of people are most susceptible to manipulation?
• Psychological portrait of a manipulator
• Types of manipulators in psychology
• Types of manipulations in psychology
• Is it always bad to be a manipulator?
• How to learn to manipulate people

We figure out how to properly manipulate people with words

Manipulation - the psychology of communicating with people

Manipulative communication in psychological theory is aimed at extracting benefits from the interlocutor. This happens through the use of various techniques (flattery, deception, demonstration of kindness, false love, etc.). Everything depends on the personality characteristics of the manipulator and the manipulated person.

Manipulations are a type of monologue communication. These relationships develop when the partners have unequal positions, which can be imperative and manipulative:

• The imperative is an open manifestation of one person's dominance over another. Such communication can be observed between parents and children. For example, when a mother or father tries to influence the child with open pressure (shouting, orders, etc.).
• The manipulative is hidden. That is, when the manipulator does not clearly show the desire to subjugate another person to his will. The manipulator seeks to use his partner in such a way that he does not notice it. For example, manipulation can be observed when one partner instills a false sense of guilt in the other.

The methods and techniques of manipulation are quite extensive. However, it is worth remembering that their main goal is to subjugate another person to their will.

Many manipulators feel how to properly manipulate people with words.

Hidden and obvious threats

Narcissists and other toxic people don't like it when anyone questions their sense of superiority over everyone else. Instead of resolving disagreements, they try to prevent you from having your own point of view by instilling fear.

Narcissists respond to any disagreement with an ultimatum, and their standard phrase becomes: “Do this, or I will do that.”

If, in response to attempts to set boundaries or express an opinion, you hear veiled or overt threats, this is a serious reason to think. Most likely, this is a person in front of you who is incapable of making compromises and confident in his own rightness. Take threats seriously, document them, and seek assistance from the appropriate authorities when necessary.

What types of people are most susceptible to manipulation?

It is quite difficult to create a single portrait of a person being manipulated. Each of us has vulnerable personality traits that a potential manipulator can put pressure on.

In the science of psychology, there are certain types of people who can become potential victims of manipulation:

1. The first type is people for whom their needs are a factor in their safe and comfortable state. At this level, manipulations are carried out. In this case, manipulation can take the form of providing and not providing the needs necessary for a person to achieve the goals of manipulation.
2. The second type is neurotic people who spend most of their lives in a stressful state. This type of people is characterized by melancholicity, vulnerability, and the predominance of the emotional part over the rational. Manipulation of such people occurs at the level of their emotions and feelings. Such people are characterized by methods of manipulating feelings (shame, love, affection), gaslighting, and instilling feelings of guilt.
3. The third type combines rational people with developed logical thinking. Manipulation at the level of feelings is useless for such people. They are built on the basis of pressure on their self-esteem, conscience, self-esteem.
4. The fourth type are people with various psychological disorders who cannot be aware of what is happening around them.

By determining what type of personality you are, you can predict manipulation.

Learning to see how to correctly manipulate people with words

Trick #3 - Offer your friends a treat if they're having an argument.

This psychological trick is one of the classic ones. You may not know, but food, especially fatty and sweet foods, has a calming effect on the psyche. Moreover, almost all products and dishes from this category emit a strong smell, which will certainly distract those in conflict from each other.

So, to ease the tension between your friends (during an awkward acquaintance or quarrel), invite them to eat pizza, pasta, ice cream or another product that can be placed in the center of the table. A joint meal will bring your comrades closer together, and without noticing it themselves, they will begin to communicate, abstracting from the initial negativity.

Psychological portrait of a manipulator

Every manipulator is a subtle psychologist. Some people who use manipulation in their lives do it unconsciously. At a subconscious level, they determine through what qualities of the manipulated they can achieve their goal. Conscious manipulators are able to determine a person’s personality type. Afterwards, identify weaknesses, character traits through which he can subjugate his will.

As with the portrait of a potential victim, it is quite difficult to determine a specific personality type for a manipulator. It is important to know that these could be:

1. Strong personalities who use active manipulative roles
2. Weak individuals who control others, being in a position of constant “victim”.

To identify a manipulator, it is important to know his behavioral traits:

• Non-acceptance of criticism, accompanied by a sharp reaction to it;
• Criticism and condemnation of others, indications of incompetence, lack of necessary skills and abilities;
• Denial of one's guilt and mistakes;
• Confidence in one's own rightness;
• Non-acceptance of someone else's opinion that goes against the opinion of the manipulator;
• Shifting responsibility;
• Forcing relationships, which is also accompanied by erasing personal boundaries;
• Active manifestation of dominance in communication;
• Frequent flattery, false and excessive displays of kindness and friendliness;
• Using techniques to put pressure on a person, including instilling a false sense of guilt;
• Constantly maintaining tension in relationships. This is typical for passive manipulators. They use gaslighting techniques, being in the “victim” position.

A manipulator in relationships with people will one way or another exhibit some of these listed signs. If you see this type of behavior, be on your guard!

Now you roughly understand how to learn to manipulate people

Trick #6 - Observe the group to determine how members relate to each other

Sociologists say that in moments of joy and general rejoicing, we look at those people with whom we really sympathize. Therefore, if you want to find out how close certain individuals are to each other, infiltrate their group and tell a funny incident or anecdote, and then determine who will look at whom at the moment of laughter.

Another interesting information is that we subconsciously strive to touch the person we sympathize with. Therefore, if you notice that people in a group are standing closer to each other than to others, you know that there is a strong emotional connection between them.

Types of manipulators

In psychology, manipulators are conventionally divided into active and passive. This division has to do with the roles they take on in the relationship.

• Active manipulators

This type is characterized by the use of active techniques of influence and domination over a person. For example, a type of such manipulation may be the establishment of total control over another person. The following types of active manipulators are distinguished:

1. Dictator. This is a person who uses his position in society to achieve his goals. He often points out his authority;
2. Prosecutor. A person who perceives himself as a leader and the people around him as dependent on him. Uses tactics of accusation and humiliation of others for his own self-affirmation;
3. Rebel. A person with open or passive aggressive behavior, accompanied by rudeness and harshness;
4. Businessman. A person who evaluates the weaknesses and strengths of other people. He uses them for his own benefit. This type of manipulator is characterized by calmness, concentration and deceit. Such people are characterized by the use of flattery techniques in relation to others.

• Passive manipulators

This type of manipulator builds their relationships with people, initially placing themselves in a position of subordination. In conflict situations, acting as a “victim”, putting pressure on the partner’s feelings of guilt. This type of manipulator is divided into the following types:

1. Weakling. The person acts as a person incapable of performing certain social actions. Is the complete antipode of a dictator, as an active manipulator;
2. Threatening. When building a relationship with a person, the manipulator takes a position of constant apology and obedience;
3. Virtuous. Such a person consciously shows boundless care, goodwill, and “suffocating love.” Such individuals are characterized by instilling feelings of guilt in others. There is also an instillation of a sense of duty for the excessive love, care, and help shown by the manipulator;
4. Defender. A person who positively perceives the mistakes of others, expressing support and sympathy for others. But at the same time, the defender does not admit his own mistakes;
5. Indifferent. The face shows complete detachment from business. This type of manipulator often blames other people for their own bad actions.

Some people know what it means to manipulate a person

Nitpicking and changing the “rules of the game”

The difference between constructive and unconstructive criticism is making it personal and setting unattainable standards. Most often, “critics” do not want to help you become a better person; they just want to find fault and humiliate you.

The well-known technique of changing the “rules of the game” helps with this, which allows you to always remain dissatisfied with you. Even if you do everything possible to satisfy their request, they will find something to complain about.

Are you successful in your career? Then why aren't you a multimillionaire yet? Have you satisfied your need for constant care? Then show that you can be independent...

The rules of the game are constantly changing and often appear to be unrelated to each other. The only purpose of this is to make you constantly please the narcissist.

By raising the bar ever higher, toxic people make you feel worthless. They obsess over your shortcomings and weaknesses, making a big deal out of every misstep, while ignoring your strengths.

Don't be fooled by quibbles and rule changes. If a person prefers to remember the mistake over and over again, without noticing your attempts to correct it, then he is definitely not driven by the desire to understand and forgive you. Value yourself. Remind yourself that you are self-sufficient and no one has the right to make you feel inferior.

Types of manipulation in psychology - 14 Methods

The range of manipulator techniques is quite wide and it is almost impossible to list everything. The use of each is determined by the personality of the manipulator himself and the person being directly manipulated.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a way of controlling a person's will. It calls into question the correctness of the partner’s thoughts. This directly affects his confidence in himself and in his actions. The goal of the manipulator in this case is to convince the other that his perception of the current situation is incorrect. This may be accompanied by instilling a false sense of guilt.

An example of gaslighting would be a situation where your partner constantly convinces you that your problems are imaginary and insignificant. At the same time, he will question the adequacy of your behavior, pointing to a violation of mental health. Such manipulations can be accompanied by phrases:

• "You imagined it"
• "You have mental problems"
• “It’s all in your head”, etc.

When gaslighting, do not let the manipulator make you believe that he is biased and wrong.

The art of manipulating people in the form of gaslighting

Projection

Projection is a method of manipulation when a person shifts the blame onto another, constantly looking for justification for his actions. In this case, the manipulator perceives the partner as a “victim” who is constantly being blamed.

For example, a pathological liar may accuse his partner of lying. An employee who does not put in the necessary effort to complete his or her tasks may perceive the boss as ineffective. This is necessary to disagree with the fact that there is not enough effort to get the job done.

Let's figure out why people's minds can be manipulated

Pointless conversation

This method of manipulation is typical for selfish and destructive individuals. The goal of the manipulator is to focus the partner’s attention on himself.

Pointless conversation can also be expressed in conflicts “from scratch.” That is, when the techniques of gaslighting, projection, and substitution of concepts are used in combination. When using this method, the manipulated person does not understand exactly how he got involved in the conversation and why he continues it for so long.

What can you do to prevent this manipulation from working for you? Stay away from open and heated discussions with the provocateur.

The art of manipulating people can also be expressed in meaningless conversations

Unsubstantiated statements

Unsubstantiated statements represent the manipulator’s reluctance to understand the details of your argument. For example, in a generalization based on individual words taken out of context. The goal of the manipulator is to devalue the phenomena and opinions of another person.

With unfounded statements, any aspect of the problem can be exaggerated so much that a serious conversation becomes impossible. For example, you tell a person that their behavior is unacceptable. In response, he immediately makes an unfounded statement about your hypersensitivity.

“You are always dissatisfied with everything” or “Nothing suits you at all.”

We answer what it means to manipulate a person

Substitution of concepts

Such manipulation is based on turning facts from head to toe. That is, using loud expressions and phrases, taking words out of the context of the conversation. The manipulator in this case makes hasty conclusions. That is, he is based on his own emotional reactions, without listening to you in the conversation to the end.

This manipulation is most often characteristic of conflict situations. For example, you express to your partner your worries that he raised his voice at you. Without listening to your arguments to the end, the manipulator begins to say similar phrases: “Does that mean I’m bad for you?”, “Are you ideal?”, “Well, since I’m so disgusting to you.”

Protection against substitution of concepts lies in building clear boundaries with such a person by being confident in your own position. Also the possibility of proving it and stopping the conversation with the manipulator. After all, as a rule, he never stops accusing you for no reason of what you didn’t say.

The highest art of manipulating people is professionally replacing concepts

Changing the topic

This method is used to retreat from the topic being discussed. It is undesirable for the manipulator and his goal is to transfer your attention to a completely different issue.

To prevent this from working for you, repeat your question or statement and don't stray from the original topic.

What does it mean to manipulate a person? Let’s find out

Threats

Such manipulation is typical of active manipulators who use ultimatums and threats. The goal of the manipulator is to conditionally punish the partner for disagreeing with him. This type of manipulator does not accept compromises and can sometimes make threats in the form of a joke.

To protect against such manipulation, respond to the threat by refusing to comply in a similar humorous form. If the manipulator continues to threaten and set conditions, end the conversation.

Why is it possible to manipulate people's minds?

Insults

The most common manipulation using words is insults. It is also typical for active manipulators. Their goal is to provoke a response from their partner through insults and unjustified criticism.

The main thing when using this method against you is not to react to insults.

Why is it possible to manipulate people's minds - Answer

Training

Training is used by a manipulator to subjugate a person, devaluing his desires and opinions. The goal of the manipulator is complete control over the actions of the other by developing the behavior necessary for the manipulator in the partner.

Why is it possible to manipulate people's consciousness - a complex question

Gossip

Vulnerable people, dependent on the opinions of others, are most often subject to such manipulation. The goal of the manipulator is to destroy the partner’s reputation and self-esteem through gossip, slander and rumors.

How to understand that a person is manipulating you - it’s simple!

From love to hate

This method is based on the zoom-out technique. The goal of the manipulator is to erase the personal boundaries of the victim, causing the manipulated person to become dependent on the relationship.

It is quite easy to recognize it. The manipulator demonstrates contradictory behavior: from boundless love to complete hatred and ignorance.

With this type of manipulation, the main way to protect yourself is to stop any contact with such a person.

Let's see how to properly manipulate people with words

Triangulation

Manipulation is based on confirming that one is right by involving an outsider in the dispute. The manipulator has one goal - to provoke the partner’s uncertainty in his own opinion.

To counter triangulation, respond to the manipulator with a “triangulation” of your own. Find support from a third party outside of his control. And don't forget that your position has value too.

What does it mean to manipulate a person?

Shame manipulation

The method is based on emphasizing your shortcomings and instilling a feeling of guilt for them.

This pattern of behavior is often found in parent-child relationships. When scolding a child for an offense, a parent uses the phrases “Aren’t you ashamed?”

The result of this technique is a decrease in the self-esteem of the person who is being manipulated.

How to learn to manipulate people - know the theory of manipulation

Excessive control

Control as a type of manipulation can be material, emotional, social. The goal of the manipulator is to completely take over a person’s feelings, life, and emotions. This is a form of psychological abuse.

To resist the manipulator, maintain control over yourself and the right to privacy.

How to learn to manipulate people - give preventive measures to ordinary manipulation

Deliberately bringing your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity

In the mouth of a narcissist or sociopath, every opinion, emotion, or life experience you have turns into a flaw. Toxic people tend to rephrase what you say so that your position seems simply absurd.

For example, you notice that you don’t like the tone in which your interlocutor speaks to you. What do you get: “So you’re perfect for us?” or “So I’m bad, right?” This again develops feelings of guilt in you and makes you doubt your own feelings and emotions.

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This technique is a well-known cognitive distortion known as “mind reading.”

Toxic people often assume that they know what you are thinking and feeling. They jump to conclusions based on their own feelings and misconceptions instead of listening carefully to you. And they never apologize for the harm they cause as a result.

The best course of action in such a situation is to simply state, “I didn’t say that.” And stop the conversation, even if you continue to be accused of something you didn’t do.

Is it always bad to be a manipulator?

We have already said that each of us is a manipulator. It is always worth remembering that manipulators are not always negative individuals. A person's ability to control others can help achieve a personal or common goal without harming others.

The versatility of manipulation lies in the fact that they are often used to prevent conflicts. The main aspect is only the ethical side of the issue - you are secretly using a person.

If you learn the art of manipulation, you can use the skills you acquire for positive purposes. For example, in improving relationships with a partner, preventing quarrels and conflicts. The main thing is to remember that with positive manipulation you cannot use aggressive methods. For example, tactics of humiliation and violent suppression of a person’s will. Your actions should be aimed mostly at gently encouraging the person to take action.

Why it is possible to manipulate people's consciousness - an easily penetrated cognitive subcortex

An inexhaustible stream of Arguments

This item deserves to be taken out separately from the general list. If you ask for something, be sure to add “because...”.

Photo by Zen Chung from Pexels

Even if the arguments you present are not very convincing, your opponent’s brain will believe that there is a reason for the request. And for more efficiency, select your arguments in advance. Salespeople often use a tirade of arguments that clients simply cannot resist.

This is just a small list of psychologists’ secrets, but already in it you will find weapons for successful conversation.

The most important secret is to remain yourself and love yourself in any situation. After all, everyone is drawn to those who have inner confidence, regardless of age and gender.

Have a private conversation

This is easiest to do if you sell niche products - for example, a client who called or wrote to the manager of an online pet store was told by God to ask about a pet. Don’t feed cat lovers, dog lovers and other animal lovers bread - let us talk about your tabbys. Find out the pet's name, ask about its cute habits - the client will relax and show his soft belly. Stroke him - start a pleasant conversation and gradually find out what the person needs . And then, once the contact has been successfully established, just do your job.

Try to get the person to talk about hobbies (for example, if you sell handicrafts, it’s clear that the person is interested in something), family (if the person is interested in products for children, ask what age the child is, what he likes, what he’s interested in, what his personality is). ), work (the simplest thing is to ask who the client works for, whether he gets tired at work, and so on). The main thing is not to be interested in taboo topics: do not ask about politics, health (unless, of course, you have an online pharmacy), or religious beliefs. Otherwise, the conversation may get out of control. Don't go too far, in general.

After the conversation, make notes in the database (it’s most convenient to do this in a CRM system), and the next time the client contacts you, quickly open the notes and continue the fascinating conversation. The person will be pleased that you remembered him - he doesn’t know that the moves are written down.

Act as if the client has already made up his mind

This technique is often found in landing pages. Remember when we wrote about the difference between a website and a landing page and the advantages of the latter? So, let us remind you that in the landing page the role of website sections is played by blocks, each of which has its own heading. Since the volume of the landing page is limited - you can’t write too much, every word in the text has meaning and is aimed at sales. And now, instead of the standard “Advantages of goods” or “Cost”, they write differently: as if the client has already decided for sure that he will place an order, as if the product is already his, stands on a shelf at home or hangs in the closet. For example, “I already want it!” What will happen to me for this? (you can offer a discount), or “I’ll take it, how to order?”, or “How much does MY battery cost?”

Such an innocent play on words, but how effective it works!

The same is true in a conversation: do not ask whether the person will place an order or not, but calmly and confidently talk about payment methods, colors and sizes, methods of application - as if the client has already made a decision, and you are not selling, but only supporting him in this .

Sincere interest

There are only two ways to expand your circle of acquaintances: either show interest in others, or talk about yourself and your importance. Both will lead to results, but the first is much more effective. Because people will definitely respond and reciprocate to someone who is sincerely interested in their lives.

Let's focus on the fact that pretense will be immediately noticeable. Intonation, body language, and emotions will tell a person about this. Therefore, it is important not only to identify the interests of the interlocutor, but also to find a response to them in your heart.

President Roosevelt was an extremely educated man. He owes the breadth of his knowledge to his desire to get to know the person with whom he was to conduct a dialogue. He always started the conversation with something that aroused his opponent’s interest, showing competence in this matter.

But this technique is not an exhaustive answer to the question of how to win over your interlocutor.

Trick #8 – Hug a Sad Person

Psychologists have long proven that physical contact has a beneficial effect on a person’s mood. At the moment of a hug, our body produces a large amount of the hormone oxytocin, which has a positive effect on our mood; we feel more protected and joyful.

Therefore, if you want to console a loved one, just hug him. The slight bewilderment on his face, caused by surprise, will quickly give way to joy. He will smile and feel relieved.

When you hug, try to be sincere. But, if the interlocutor openly avoids you, you should not impose yourself on him. Be sensitive.