Psychologists advise: if you want to find love, stop looking for it

The article explains:

1. Reasons for human need for love
2. Finding out your personal motives for seeking love
3. 10 Tips for Finding True Love

You probably won’t meet a person on earth who wouldn’t say at least once, at least to himself: “I want to find love!” The trouble is that desire alone is not enough. To achieve a certain goal, you need to take very specific steps.

There is no universal means for successfully “discovering” your soulmate. All people are individual, and relationships in couples are even more individual. But we will still try to give some general recommendations for finding the most important person in your life.

Not forever, but for a while

It is worth clarifying that we are not talking about completely giving up on the idea of ​​finding your soulmate and stopping making at least some effort in this direction. Psychologists advise taking a break for a while in order to restore the lost connection with yourself.

In a sense, this is reminiscent of the technology of working with desires, which is very often recommended by esotericists. First you need to focus on what you want, formulate it, and then release your desire into the sky, the way children release balloons, and just move on with your life, enjoying every day and not expecting your wish to come true. Esotericists simply suggest believing, and rational psychologists name 5 reasons why giving up the idea of ​​finding love for a while would be the right and useful step on the path to personal happiness.

Where have all the normal men gone?

By the way, one of the indicators of low self-esteem is affairs with married men. Women, run from this like fire.

You deserve to be loved and sought after by free men.

If you think that there are no available men around you or that all of your peers are married, I assure you, this is just another negative attitude. And the faster you get rid of it, the faster you will meet your love.

This new installation will help you:

“I see around me a lot of free, worthy men who suit me”

If there are a lot of free men around you, but there are none, in your opinion, “worthy”, then this means:

1. You don't see him.
2. You haven't come up with it yet.

Let's start with the first point and look at how you can start seeing worthy candidates.

Practice: decent men are everywhere

I did this interesting practice myself when I was single. At that time, I realized that I simply didn’t like men. They all really pissed me off. Everyone is poorly dressed, earns little, lacks initiative... in general, the whole package.

Well, how can you meet someone here?

I decided to change my point of view and try to find something good in every man I meet along the way.

I was riding in public transport this morning and looking at all the male representatives.

I thought like this: “here is a guy in a white T-shirt, he is so tall, I love tall men, it’s great that we have such handsome guys in our country.”

“But here is a middle-aged man, probably a very caring father, going to work after taking the children to school.”

“And this guy smells so good, there are such clean people!”

And so on, I tried to find in men exactly those qualities that were important to me.

This practice helped me remove negativity from the male sex and see that there are enough good men around, you just have to look closely.

How to come up with your man?

It may seem strange to you that I am writing to you about the need to invent your own man.
Yes, I know, this is very far from materiality and, in general, from the standard view of the world.

This is the power of thought. This is metaphysics. This is esoteric. Call it whatever you like.

But you can come up with and then attract your man. You must do it! Thousands of women have already done this. So can you.

I believe that I myself came up with my man. I did this using a list.

Don't tell me you haven't written this list yet. NO? Oh my God! Write quickly. Instructions here: How to find your soulmate: write a list of qualities

For more information on how to meet your soulmate, watch the video

I got everything that I took into account in my list, and everything that I didn’t take into account too). So my advice is: spend a couple of weeks on it, don’t rush. Learn all the subtleties.

I don't know how this list works. But the fact remains that I personally know more than 5 women for whom this list worked. I have also read over 50 posts online, in articles and on forums about how these lists have worked for other women.

I myself met my man 6 months after writing the list. And I realized that it was him about a year later.

And if your most cherished, strongest desire is to meet your loved one, I will tell you how to realize this desire.
Join my free master class, and in 30 days you will be close to your dream >>>

You can give yourself a break

Finding your soulmate is quite hard work. You need to create a profile on a dating site, spend time choosing those who seem suitable to you, and then meet them, communicate, experience disappointments when the person turns out to be not who he said he was, or, on the contrary, you liked him and it seems that - it started to work out, but he took it and disappeared in an unknown direction. All this requires time and effort, and a lot of it.

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By giving up the search for love for a while, you can take back your life: spending time with friends, playing sports, watching your favorite movies, going to bed early or reading books.

Why doesn't love come?

There may be many reasons why you are still single. Perhaps your time just hasn't come yet. But more often the reasons are much more prosaic:

• Many people come up with some image of an ideal partner and stubbornly wait for such a person to knock on their door. All candidates who differ in any way from the portrait drawn up are immediately rejected and not even considered;
• Excessive amorousness. A person falls in love very often and sees in almost any member of the opposite sex attractive qualities and a partner who can give happiness for life;
• Self-dislike;
• Sullenness and despondency;
• Homebody;
• Sad experience of the past.

One way or another, only you can honestly answer the question of why you are still single.

Read: How to attract a man's attention

You will be able to focus on yourself

It sounds pretty cliché, I know. But focusing on yourself is an important part of the life of a mentally healthy person, especially when he is in a stream of new acquaintances.

Dating is a constant state of anticipation. It's hard to be yourself when you're dating someone. If you want to please someone, it can be tempting to show off some better version of yourself. You may start to neglect many things that are important to you in order to free up more time for dating. For example, give up yoga, pay less attention to work, friends, even your beloved dog.

Pausing your search for a while will give you time to focus on yourself and get to know yourself again. You will be able to again spend time with those people who are dear to you, again do those things that are important and interesting to you.

And then, only after you've come to know and love yourself again may you be ready to dive into the world of dating with renewed vigor.

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What should people do if nothing works for them?

So, here we are at the most “metaphysical” metaphysics and now we will talk about vibrations.

If you are having trouble with your thoughts, start working with your feelings.

Your body and soul are always vibrating. At different times they vibrate at different frequencies. The frequency and strength of vibrations depends on your emotional state and your thoughts (in fact, there are many other things, but now it is important for us to sort out thoughts and emotions).

Now I'll give the floor to Jerry Hicks and his otherworldly friend (we're talking about Channeling):

If you are constantly looking for something pleasant to focus your attention on, then all your desires will be satisfied.

But if you feel unhappy, worried that you won't find your spouse, you can't make your desire come true.

If you don't have a spouse or are trying to find one, you need to do the following:

You must ensure that your thoughts about your relationship with your other half are in harmony with what your Inner Being thinks about it.

If your strongest vibration comes from the feeling of not having the relationship you want, then you won't be able to have it.

The vibration of no relationship and the vibration of a desired relationship are too different.

It is impossible to find a solution to a problem if the most active vibration emanating from you contains information about the problem itself.

It all comes down to the fact that you need to learn to emit a vibration that matches the relationship you want, and not the one that doesn't exist.

You must ignore the lack of a relationship, otherwise you will not have one. That's the trick.

The core part of your vibration should be what you desire (to be loved and joyful), not what you don't have.

As soon as stable vibrations of what you want begin to emanate from you, what you want and what you have will mix, and your dreams will come true.

Controlling how you feel, how you feel about things, other people, or situations is the key to not only lasting happiness, but to everything you desire. It's really worth a try.

Simply put, if you are unhappy with yourself or your life, being in a relationship with the opposite sex will only increase disharmony, because any action taken due to lack of something is always ineffective.

If you are not currently in a relationship with the opposite sex, then this is a great chance to bring yourself into a harmonious state before you attract another person who will undoubtedly enhance your emotional state.

We advise you to now begin to concentrate on the positive aspects of your life, try to mitigate the inconvenience caused by the absence of a desired partner, try to make your life as good as possible and begin to value yourself.

We guarantee that once you truly love yourself and stop constantly feeling sad about not having a life partner, you will find your other half. And this is also the Law.

You can get where you want by starting to move right now. You just need to stop spending so much time focusing on unpleasant things, on where you are, and talking about it.

Be more selective and make a list of the positive qualities in your life.

Put your attention where you want to be and don't waste time complaining about your current situation.

The Universe, which always responds to your requests, does not distinguish between thoughts about a given situation and thoughts about the subject of dreams. You create with your positive thoughts. And therefore, there will be no benefit from thinking, remembering, talking about what you don’t want, and from any attempt to pay attention to it. Keep your active vibration aligned with what you want, focusing on how quickly your life will change so that you can become the Vibrational Match of your desire.

Let me add, to start emitting the right vibrations, you need to:

• rejoice that you will soon meet your loved one;
• thank the Universe for what you have now, for what was;
• love yourself and radiate love into the world.

You need to practice such “pleasant” states at least once a day.

You will be able to reflect on what you want from the person who will be next to you

Have you ever thought about what is important to you and what is not in the person you would like to date? Do you think height, whether you have a pet, or how far away your pet lives is important? Maybe there are some other criteria?

Taking a break from searching for your soul mate is a good time to think about what is really important to you in a partner. Make a list of what you want to feel next to your chosen one. These thoughts will help you when you start dating again.

Where to find love?

You can meet love anywhere: in a subway car, on the street, in line at the cash register, at a social event.

Of course, you can meet a girl or guy in a nightclub or bar. Today you can increasingly hear stories of fateful meetings in these very places, although 20 years ago this seemed absurd.

It’s better for girls to go somewhere alone more often, without friends. In this case, the likelihood that a man who likes you will approach you doubles. Young people are very vulnerable and afraid of being rejected, so the presence of a girlfriend can scare them away. Smile at men to show your friendliness.

Men are advised to be bolder, actively show their sense of humor, ingenuity and resourcefulness - girls love this.

Don’t forget that the other half can also be found on the Internet.

You can get used to being alone

Many people hate being single, but this is a very important point. To build a truly successful relationship, you need to feel great when you're alone.

I have a friend. When she got divorced, she quickly realized that she literally couldn't stand being alone. As a result, she was desperately looking for a new love to quickly fill the space left empty after her ex-husband left. In the end, the search exhausted her so much that she decided to give up the idea. At first she felt very uncomfortable in an empty house, but over time the situation began to change. Gradually she began to understand that alone she could be herself and do only what she wanted. There was no one nearby whom we had to take care of, whose interests we had to take into account, and compromises we had to make. And she liked it.

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When my friend learned to enjoy alone time and stopped desperately needing someone to fill the empty space, it changed her life. She became a stronger and more confident woman, which in turn attracted a strong and confident man to her. She liked this man, but he had to prove himself so that she would allow him to become a part of her life.

So, be sure to take the time to learn to truly enjoy being alone. You won't regret it.

Who do you usually like?

Many people, trying to find the love of their life, begin to wonder why some are loved, but not me. Sometimes a beautiful, smart girl is lonely, and her ugly friend is married to a loving man who carries her in his arms and generously gives her gifts. Why is that?

Of course, appearance and self-improvement are important, but they still love those people who are able to remain themselves, be sincere, show weakness and open their souls to another person. As a rule, such people know and accept their shortcomings, and therefore are more lenient towards their partner’s shortcomings.

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You will give love the opportunity to find you

There is a saying attributed to the writer Henry David Thoreau. He compares happiness to a butterfly. The more you try to catch it, to catch up, the further it flies away from you. But as soon as you get distracted and pay attention to some other things, a butterfly flies up to you and lands on your shoulder. A very beautiful metaphor, which is fully true for love.

The most interesting thing is that if you search for your soulmate as diligently as if you were preparing for a marathon or trying to conquer the top of the career ladder, then you risk never finding your love at all. It comes when a person is relaxed, resting and engaged in self-discovery, when he is happy alone and confident enough to take the next step.

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Why are people lonely?

There are more reasons for loneliness than is commonly thought. About people over 30-40 years old who do not have a loved one, most often they put forward rather banal versions: a tendency towards careerism, an unpleasant character, a love of loneliness. Most often, such judgments about strangers are erroneous and one-sided. Even when analyzing their own loneliness, people often do not understand its true reasons:

• Crown of celibacy. This version is often put forward as a joke, but in fact, it is quite real. If in a past life a person was a monk or nun, or died young and did not meet his love, in the next incarnation he can continue to carry this program. In addition, there are damage and curses on celibacy. In essence, this is a programmatic ban on having a happy personal life. A person with such a problem can start a relationship, but it does not become serious or long-lasting.
• Psychological blocks and unconscious resistance on the part of the person himself, his psyche. Such blocks appear as a result of a painful experience in youth, or an unsuccessful example of parental relationships in the family, or because of a person’s dislike for himself. Many people, without realizing it, consider relationships to be something alarming and dangerous. It seems to them that there are no happy couples, and any romance will only make things worse for them. In addition, they may consider themselves ugly and unworthy of love. Often, such blocks arise to save a person from pain in the event of a real failure, but they do not allow starting any relationship at all.
• Karmic prohibitions and oaths of fidelity in past lives. If in a previous incarnation a person had a soulmate, he could take an oath of eternal love and fidelity to her. Especially strong vows continue to operate in subsequent incarnations, which interferes with the search for a partner. Karmic prohibitions can be imposed on a person’s soul for his behavior in past lives. For example, he was a traitor, broke hearts, and for this he is punished by loneliness in the next incarnation.

All these reasons give rise to loneliness and lack of love in life. Because of them, a person behaves incorrectly and does not find his love.

Determination is harmful

It’s surprising, because from childhood we are taught that without difficulty there will be no fish, that we need to set goals for ourselves and go towards them without losing our way. Perhaps this is true for other aspects of life. But in love you need space for magic.

If you continue the pursuit of personal happiness without stopping for a second and without noticing anything around you, you risk missing out on all that is beautiful, including that special person because you quickly scrolled through his photo in a hurry on a dating site because she wasn't very presentable, and you didn't give yourself time to stop and take a closer look.

Love. What it is?

Love can be different: for parents, for children, for work, for hobbies, for God, etc. But love between a man and a woman becomes a separate important part in our lives.

Such love has three important components:

1. Passion is the attraction of two bodies and sexual desire;
2. Intimacy is the closeness of two souls and friendship;
3. Responsibility is a manifestation of caring for a loved one.

In a harmonious relationship, all three components of love are present.

As a rule, most relationships begin with passion. A person is attractive in appearance, the desire for intimacy takes over, and this becomes the motivation for entering into a relationship. If sex does not happen between partners soon, then passion will gradually give way to interest in the person’s personality. Friendship, trust and respect will arise, and, under favorable circumstances, a desire to take responsibility for each other.

Content

1. Where to begin
2. Advice from psychologist Daria Milai on how to find your soul mate for a girl
3. Steps
4. Practical advice for those who want to find a soul mate
5. What not to do
6. Where will the ideal meeting take place?
7. Advice for women
8. Recommendations for men
9. Warning

“When we look for love, we are really looking for God.”

Why do we want great love so much? How to find it and not lose it? Why does love pass? What to do if your feelings are not answered? How to survive the pangs of unrequited love? And is there such a thing as unrequited love? How can you not lose yourself while devoting your life to someone else?

Father Panteleimon (Shushnya) and youth at the celebration of the Nativity of Christ in the Oasha Monastery

“Love is the foundation of our existence”

– The road to your monastery is trampled by the feet of hundreds of young people coming to you to confess. Do you sense from their revelations that anything has changed in their attitude towards love?

– I would say that we, monks, know people much better than they know themselves, because we see them not from the outside, but from the inside. Therefore, my opinion is this: today’s youth have enormous spiritual potential, but they lack a compass. They most often do not know what love really is. They confuse it with falling in love. And they don’t know how to live with it. They watch different films and live according to patterns. Everyone dreams of great love, like in the movies. Already ready, with a perfect partner who would understand them, no matter what happened. And they don’t understand why the same thing doesn’t happen to them. But these loves from books and films are utopian; they do not occur in real life.

However, what is felt by everyone who comes to confession is a tireless search, a desire to experience deep, perfect love. This thirst for love is present in everyone.

– Why do we have such a strong need to self-actualize in great love?

When you seek love, you are actually seeking God. Even if you don’t realize it. Even if you're not a Christian

– When you look for love, you are actually looking for God. Even if you don’t realize it. Even if you are not an exemplary Christian, every time you love and are loved, you somehow amazingly feel that there, in love, is the truth. You have been looking for love all your life, you need it, and even when you pretend that you no longer have it, you certainly feel it, you feel it somehow distorted, but still you start all over again. You are drawn to her, you always strive to reach her, because you feel that there is completeness and happiness there.

We humans cannot help but love, not want to be loved. Because this is the foundation of our existence. God is love, and everything in this world thirsts for love. God created everything in His image and likeness, according to His model, the model of the Trinity relationship. We were created as humans to share in the joy of relationship in and with God. To experience love. To be together. That’s why it is said that heaven is communication with everyone, and hell is the inability to love anymore.

– Although we have God, we still feel that without the other we are incomplete. Do you need someone else to be happy?

– God created people incomplete precisely so that they need each other. After all, if He created us perfect, then we would be self-sufficient. Of course, there are people who give more and people who give less, but you shouldn’t stop at relationships with one person, you need to learn to love all people, reap the fruits of relationships with everyone, not just with your life partner. Every person is a potential gift for us with which we can enrich ourselves.

– We dream – almost all of us – about great love that would last a lifetime. And yet, reality shows that love dies, and more often than we would like to think. Why does love fade away?

“She dies because there is no God in this equation.” This means that we have nowhere to feed ourselves, to revive our love. Without God there is no beginning that generates love. Man himself is a limited being. And grace makes it infinitely deep. Grace is from God. Saint John Chrysostom said that all untransformed relationships degenerate. They are consumed.

Without grace, a person remains in a fallen state. It's the same with love. It fades away if there is no answer to it. If you direct it to God and people, it receives an answer from the infinity of God. And if you direct matter towards yourself, the body, it is consumed, exhausted, because these things are limited. That's why a wedding is necessary. A wedding is a combination of two with a third: with God, Who is infinite.

– Unfortunately, just because you get married in a church does not guarantee stable happiness...

– We must learn to see God in others. There is no need to treat a person as something complete. Each person is an endless source, but not freed from rubble.

With love, with the help of God, we can dismantle the rubble so that another can give birth to his essence, lay out his full moral, spiritual and love potential. Because every person is much more than what we see. And love comes and activates in the other something that he had no idea that he had in him.

You need a friend who will give you measure. In a relationship between two people, a person is constantly evolving. And he can no longer get enough of others, get bored, or get into a routine. Because each encourages the other to develop. Each blossoms like a bud, then like a flower, and its blossoming is endless.

Many people seem incapable of deep feelings. This is because they, in turn, were not loved to blossom. However, all this is impossible without God. And without the effort of each to activate His potential, Divine grace, in the other. You need to love - with God in yourself - God in another.

- How should we love, father? Where do we go wrong that we always have to start over?

We don't have the skill of dedication. And love becomes some kind of accessory that contributes to one’s own happiness.

– We don’t know how to give of ourselves. We don't have the skill of dedication. Modern society teaches people to focus on their desires, teaches them to love themselves first of all, and strive for their own self-realization. And love thus becomes some kind of accessory that contributes to their own happiness. “I have a career, a house, and a lover!” However, we do not truly love if we do not make this experience of losing ourselves and do not begin to practice bestowal, to train our power to love.

To love means to gravitate, like a planet, around the self-realization of another. Thinking about how to help another, how to meet him halfway, how to calm him down, how to protect him from difficulties, how to bring joy, how to cook him delicious food when he is tired. We must learn to live for others and for others.

Love means many actions. Intentions and thoughts in themselves are worthless in the absence of actions. The world is full of intentions. By doing things, you test yourself whether you can truly love. I recently read in a book how a political prisoner - a peasant imprisoned in his old age - received letters from his grandmother, in which she enclosed a dried flower. This is what love means. And even more: to give when you are completely exhausted, when you no longer have any strength. And there are no excuses for not giving.

If you give out of abundance, when it feels good and easy to give, it costs nothing. And when you can no longer, but still want to do something for someone else, energy resources flare up in you that you had no idea about. You receive strength from God and do more than you thought you were capable of doing.

Giving yourself when you can no longer really connect you with another and encourages him to open up and give in turn. In love we must give what we do not have, if we no longer have it. And then, as in the Gospel, this nothingness is transformed, and there is enough bread and fish for everyone.

– How long can you give of yourself without it completely turning you into zero? Sometimes it's better to stop if the other one doesn't answer you in kind...

– Self-giving is a voluntary act, it is not dependence on another, not slavery. You are not required to do it. By self-giving I do not abolish myself, but find myself anew and am enriched by the way of being of another. And having possessed, I abolish myself. Some people are more comfortable letting others have them. This is the case of many women today who go so far as to allow themselves to be enslaved. Their husbands beat them, they suffer, but they are afraid to choose a different path, preferring security. They experience absurd suffering, which is not even salutary. This is some kind of laziness. They refuse responsibility for their decisions and prefer only to execute. But they will never evolve like that.

“When God sends you love, this does not mean that He also sends you love.”

– Not everyone has extraordinary love. Is this our fault? Is it up to us to experience great love, or is it a gift from God?

Meeting a specific person depends on the will of God. But how we react to this meeting is up to us

– God has a clear path for everyone. There are no coincidences. Meeting a specific person depends on the will of God. But how we react to this meeting is up to us. Every person we meet along the way is a gift from God, and each time we must ask ourselves: “Why did God judge me to meet this person? What can I make of this relationship? What should I understand? What benefit can you get?”

Then, let's not confuse infatuation with love. When God sends you love, this does not mean that He is already sending you great love in a ready-made form. Falling in love is just a deposit from God. If you spend it out of ignorance, you will never achieve true love.

It may not seem big at first, but love, if you work on it, grows more and more. Love is not a feeling, but a force. God is not flesh, and yet He calls Himself love. So, love is not flesh!

Of course, this component, the carnal one, is included in love, but it is not entirely reducible to it. Love is a huge human power received from above, a power that each individual must release and cultivate. I say “release” because most often we love ourselves, and then the love is locked in us, it rotates in a circle. This love is selfish, it is directed towards oneself, instead of being free and not asking for anything in return.

– Is true love always free?

– Yes, true love affirms the freedom of the other. Doesn't try to master it. The biggest mistake here is when one tries to change the other, to adjust him to his taste. When you love, you need to get out of yourself in the sense of trying to feel the other, understand the other, see the world through his eyes. If you trample on his freedom, his self-preservation instinct will work. And he will withdraw into himself. He will be wary of you, he will feel that he is being pressured.

In a relationship there should be a balance between closeness and distance. We must keep the secret of another, and not scatter it to the wind. Don’t try to rummage through every corner of his soul, don’t crush flowers with an excavator. Rudeness and impudence destroy the secret of another.

This experience of losing oneself is sometimes painful: it means leaving a safe position, leaving the comfort of one's own way of being, accepting the way of being of another. But this is the only way you can expand, enrich yourself and transform love into a path of knowledge. If you remain within yourself, you remain very poor. Moreover, at some point it turns out that everyone has turned their backs on you. You get lonely.

– Is it then necessary to increase tolerance in love?

“We should be practicing otherness, not tolerance.” Tolerance is some kind of condescension towards what does not suit you: you assume that the other has some kind of flaws, which you, in your generosity, ignore. That is, tolerance presupposes pride. Meanwhile, in love you are not given the right to consider your way of existence better than the way of existence of another, you cannot demand from the other that he change, but you must demand from yourself to tolerate the other.

In love, you should not be concerned with your own good - you should give yourself to the service of another, your concern should be his development. Its goal is not to decorate you, not to make you feel more beautiful and better. Love, experienced correctly, changes everything for the better in any case. The fact that I give myself completely, that I find myself sacrificing, encourages the other to correct himself, to become aware of himself, and changes him for the better.

Father Theophilus (Pareyan) said that love never counts and love always counts. How to understand this?

Father Theophilus (Pareyan) said that love never counts and love always counts. How to understand this? After all, she never calculates what she gives in order to attract the attention of another: “Look how much I did for you, and now you give me the same amount.” And at the same time, he constantly calculates how much he receives in order to be able to give more. This is true love.

– Sometimes, no matter how much you do for another, he remains indifferent and does not give you a crumb of love for it. How do you know who deserves you to give everything to them?

– The natural order of things is not to enter into a relationship until you are sure of it. The potential of feelings and love needs to be preserved until you find a person with whom you really agree, with whom you will approach each other primarily spiritually, and not carnally.

When a normal person has met another normal person and sacrifices himself to the end, he manages to conquer the other with love, even if the other loves less. The love of one, with its perseverance, can save the love of another. I know of many cases of miraculous restoration of relationships that were on the verge of collapse, and then became stronger and deeper than before. People need to learn to appreciate crises.

However, there is also a trap here. If you settle on a person, you risk losing everything. And if you always have God in your mind, you will find enough people around who deserve that you give everything to them, without fear that you might make a mistake. No person on his own deserves you to give everything to him. Because this man is not the ultimate reality, but God who is in him is. Ultimately, through man, we actually give ourselves to God.

“If it doesn't come to a wedding, it means God has been left out of the equation.”

– What then is the meaning of family life?

– Relationships, family life are just the framework within which we express ourselves and improve. We practice love, this ability to get out of ourselves in order to become transparent, so that God can fully manifest Himself in us, and we would achieve mutual penetration into each other, we could love more and more. Only if we practice openness do we become wide vessels, able to receive much more than another. And then, through his medium, I can love all people, all nature and all animals, I can accommodate the entire creation of God in my heart. By practicing communication with others, we prepare for communication with everyone, which will take place in the Kingdom of Heaven.

– Do souls exist – soul mates? People around whom everything becomes much easier?

– There are, but there are several of them. There is no one person you are destined to be with. But there are a few people in this world with whom you fit very well together. Just because you met one of them and, unknowingly, love ran its course, does not mean that you will remain alone for the rest of your life. Just like the fact that you have met a soul - your soul mate, does not guarantee that this love will continue if you do not perform its virtues. Without people matching each other, love is impossible. But the coincidence of halves is only a spark. It does not guarantee the eternity of feelings. You don't deserve anything you didn't work for! (Laughs.)

On the contrary, it often happens that this kind of love exhausts itself faster, because everything is fine there and no one makes any effort. Some kind of satisfaction is achieved, since the other perfectly meets my needs, and I - his, and then each loves himself, through the other.

– Is this how jealousy and possessive feelings are born?

– Jealousy is love for oneself through another. If you are jealous, then you do not truly love the other, but believe that you have rights to the other, but someone is encroaching on them. You are afraid that someone will come and take it away from you. But no one has the right to confiscate someone else from you! This distorted love with jealousy and suffering, which makes a person blind and deprives him of his mind, is demonic love. She bewitches in her own way, is very emotional, has excessive eroticism, but causes an incredible amount of suffering, abolishes you as a person. You think you sacrificed yourself by suffering, but in reality you were possessed. Real love, Divine, affirms and does not destroy. She's like a clear sky. There is no confusion and darkness in it.

– Today, more and more people are choosing a free form of love. They no longer get married, and sometimes they don’t even live together, but for all that they love each other and live in harmony. Is it a sin to do this?

– Love that does not involve responsibility and sacrifice is not real. This is opportunistic love that does not reach maturity. In fact, in such cases they do not reach true love, but remain in the phase of falling in love. If it doesn't come to a wedding, it means God has been left out of the equation. Without Divine grace, man is finite, and his love lasts only for a while. Those who choose this path want a love in which there is nothing to lose, but only to gain. They want to take something that is easy to acquire and always be free in case something more attractive comes along.

– When you are in unhappy love, you often think that there could be someone who would love you more, who would understand you better...

– This view of things is a consequence of the technical way of thinking. “A product becomes obsolete the moment an improved version is released.” (Laughs.) That is, it is falling out of use. But people do not go out of use; they are in constant development. It is necessary to deepen and dig the appropriate relationships in order to reach new and new depths. And even if opportunities for better relationships arise, even if we get to know people who seem more suitable for us, we should not change the person. We cannot begin a thousand paths, because this way we will never reach the end.

You cannot endlessly remake yourself according to the models of other women or men, because you wear out like a part, you get to the point where you lose all shape. You think that you have gained experience, enriched your way of existence by having so many love relationships, but in fact you have lost yourself and no longer know what you really are.

In love, as in profession, it is very important to be constant. You can't be a doctor for three years, then an actor for another three, and then after another three years start preparing to become a football player. We must move on. Because the dead end to which you have come in a relationship with another is primarily yours, not the other’s. God intended it for you so that you could overcome yourself and evolve. By cheating on a person, you are running away from yourself, running away from becoming. And the obstacle will appear again, in a different form, no matter who is next to you.

“Nothing happens without sacrifice, without the principle of the Cross”

Oasha Monastery

– Why is loyalty so important? I know people who say they love their partners even though they cheat on them from time to time, but that it doesn't matter as long as feelings aren't the focus.

- They are deceiving themselves. It is very bad to use others for your erotic needs. In reality, you are using yourself. You are stagnating. Without loyalty you cannot reach deeper levels. This is the only way you can develop. Meanwhile, if you allow yourself some alternatives, it means that you are not inclined to overcome the barrier, that you want to bypass it.

If you refuse the alternative, then you no longer hesitate, overcome the crisis and see what potential exists in you and in others. And you gained more and became richer than before. You reach another level of love - this is purified and very deep love, not reduced to just carnal love.

Little effort means little becoming, it means running away from self-realization. You see, nothing happens without sacrifice, without the principle of the Cross. The sacrifice on the Cross is a window to the Resurrection.

Saint Maximus the Confessor said that in creation everything is required to be in accordance with the cross. This is how God's love for us is manifested. Because such is our fallen state, such is the consequence of the Fall. Nothing is given to us if we don't sacrifice anything. And love is also a sacrifice. You sacrifice your “I” in order to bring the “I” of another closer to you. This is self-denial. Sacrifice gives depth to any relationship. It seals love.

Falling in love is easy, but loving is very difficult. You are running from the cross - you are running from the resurrection, you are running from joy, you are running from true love! It is impossible without a cross. Without the cross, the path is easy and convenient. But, unable to suffer with joy, to fill suffering with meaning, we actually run away from life. And everything we get is second hand. All the joys of love are diluted. Everything we feel is pale.

– Why are love sufferings one of the most painful?

– Because a person, by loving, opens up and becomes deep. And then he receives blows right to the core of his being.

If love was with God, but the other still leaves, God will not remain in debt. He will come and fill the voids, because you did not love only the one who left, but also the God in him. You can only be truly broken after a breakup if you don't have God. If you loved wrongly, if you were obsessed with your loved one.

– Sometimes after great love we no longer have the courage to move on, to reveal our soul again. How to heal the wounds caused by the suffering of love?

– Father Theophilus (Pareyan) said that suffering is a great mystery. You explain it to yourself theoretically in vain - your heart continues to ache. And any external advice remains just as external. Only God can heal such wounds if He sees fit.

However, some of them do not need to be healed at all. Sometimes your heart can only take so many open wounds. Man's capacity to suffer is very great. Yes, we don’t need to be obsessed with the wound healing so that we forget everything. Failure in love does not need to be emotionally abolished. You can lead another relationship with a wound in your heart. And with several wounds in the heart. God somehow gives you the strength to love again. We must move forward, have the courage to open up again, accept (the wounds) again. You can't stop.

"Happiness is earned every day"

– Some people seem to be given only suffering for the rest of their lives...

– You need to understand that this is like a game between you and God. Suffering actually hides God's love for you. And then you begin to find meaning in every suffering. Without God, everything ends in great absurdity. And the smallest suffering knocks you off your feet. You no longer understand anything and reach the point where you put an end to your days. And with God, even the greatest suffering is full of meaning and is always accompanied by joy. You should never forget that God loves you and tests you. He tests because he wants to give you something. But give it for some price! You have to earn the gift, you have to rise spiritually to a level where you can accept it. To the next level of the game. In any case, the gift is much greater than the suffering you go through to achieve it.

God cannot give to us freely, for then He would strangle us with His love, crush our being, and would not allow us to flourish freely. God, when He loves, tempts us like silver in a furnace. Because he wants to extract the purest essence from us.

– What to do to be happy?

– We must go in search of the truth of love, search with all our might. Let us not search in vain, on the surface, but let us give ourselves completely, to all people and, through them, to God. And give in for the rest of your life.

Happiness is not something given. Happiness is becoming

There is real happiness. And it is here on earth. It is nothing more than the path along which we move forward. Only to the extent that we know how to give, we will receive. Because God sometimes torments us, but also rewards us beyond measure. Plays with us, encourages us to want more, to want more for ourselves, to become something more.

Happiness is not something given, not an easy gain, not a fossil that suddenly falls on you. Static happiness would crush us with its terrible boredom. Happiness is earned, it is acquired every day. It is a constant ascension, a dynamic, constantly adapting to our needs. Happiness is becoming.

Start working with a psychologist right now

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To free yourself from negative attitudes and rethink the painful experience of past relationships, seek psychological help. People can go in circles for many years, stepping on the same rake, and several sessions with a psychologist give them the opportunity to take a fresh look at their lives and begin to behave differently, attracting new, suitable people.

Here are signs that without a psychologist it will be difficult for you to find true love:

• You have an extremely negative family experience. Violence in the parental family.
• You are strictly tied to one type and cannot even try to build relationships with other people.
• You regularly meet partners with similar personalities and nothing works out with them.
• The scenarios of all your relationships are very similar and end in failure the same way.
• Each of your partners, no matter how different they are, uses humiliating, insulting, violent actions towards you.
• You alienate all your partners with unreasonable demands, and commit humiliating, insulting, and violent actions towards them.
• In every relationship you have, you do something that destroys it. You do this as if unconsciously, not on purpose.

If any of this applies to you, do not delay in contacting a psychologist, he will know how to help you.

Another platitude - love people!

Without knowing it, we often simply do not like those around us. We become angry at everyone.

As long as you remain in conflict with others, the path to your loved one simply remains closed. Nobody forces you to become everyone's best friend, your task is to accept people as they are.

Try to see beyond your nose and understand the reasons for their actions. Why is the boss's secretary such a bitch? Maybe because a man left her before, she was betrayed several times and now she doesn’t trust anyone?

Don't run away from love!

Girls who just want to be loved choose one of three paths:

• They begin to constantly search for their ideal love and, as a result, get used to this state. Over time, they will no longer be able to truly become attached to someone.
• They give their love not to a specific person, but to music, work, and travel. Such girls devalue feelings.
• Moves into a relationship with one-sided devotion. She cannot take, she only has the attitude of giving.

All these women are running away from true love in one way or another. Hiding behind an imaginary ideal, a favorite hobby or obsessive devotion.