There is a strong opinion among people that a man should be the first to admit his feelings. At the same time, no one wants to think about the fact that among the strong half of humanity there are quite often shy, timid people who find it difficult to take the first step. And if a woman waits a long time for a confession from him, then an eternity may pass. It is not better to take the solution to the “problem” into your own hands and become the initiator of the relationship. How to confess your love to a man if you are also not courageous in your actions? How to overcome fear and say the very words on which your future fate depends? We hasten to reassure and reassure you - nothing is impossible if you carefully listen to the advice of experienced psychologists and study in detail the topic of relationships between a man and a woman.
How to get away from patterned behavior
It is unlikely that anyone would argue with the fact that the most beautiful feeling on this mortal earth is love. Thanks to her, humanity continues to live on the planet. And he doesn’t just live - he feels true pleasure from life, he can rejoice, be upset, sad, rejoice. If it is not there, then you have to drag out a gray existence, the days pass monotonously, without bright colors or emotions.
As soon as this feeling “flies” into our life like a spring swallow, everything changes in an instant. What previously seemed uninteresting and did not attract our attention immediately turns into an amazing vision, a unique thing. We immediately have meaning in everything - living, studying, working, communicating. Can anyone argue with the fact that the eyes of a woman in love and her indifferent friend are radically different? In the first, they glow, radiate beauty and joy, in the second, there are no “signs” of life. Therefore, all representatives of the fairer sex strive to be loved and desired. Without these categories there is no point in starting anything. But what to do if the object of desire is silent? The logical step is to take the initiative.
How to act correctly
So, you have decided to “push” someone who is dear to your heart to take decisive action. But you should never rush; you need to think about your actions in detail. Assess your strengths and think about whether you can clearly and beautifully express your feelings? If you are not completely sure, postpone the important “event” and prepare even more carefully. But do not stop flirting, continue to lure your chosen one with feminine tricks and do not allow an outsider to interfere in the relationship, otherwise you risk being left with nothing.
Be proactive, but not intrusive
Most representatives of the male population love initiative girls, but you must admit that an annoying “fly” never delights you. If you want to “tame” an object and make tireless attempts, act with regular importunity, you are doomed to failure. Do not forget about the leadership qualities of men, this is precisely their purpose from Mother Nature. And if someone tries to intercept his dominance, then bewilderment arises, aggression towards the girl, whom he, in theory, should protect and protect. As soon as she plays the role of “first violin” in their love duet, mastering “masculine” traits, the man immediately pushes away from her. After all, he needs a weak and fragile lady, and not the second guy in a couple.
It is completely natural for a man to make any decisions on his own for the reason that this has been the case since ancient times. It was the male who thought about how to find and bring the slaughtered mammoth to the hut, then the worries of farming, etc. fell on his shoulders. And the women had to wait for them at the family hearth with the spoils. So which one of them was supposed to make the decisions? Of course, he is a breadwinner, exposing his life to danger in search of food. The skills given by nature have not changed, and modern women absolutely should not change them. Let him continue to be a leader and rely on his own strength.
As soon as a man turns into a pliable kitten, the woman will immediately lose interest in him. And here natural reflexes also come into play - why does she need a second “skirt” next to her? A wise lady will make sure that any of her initiatives will seem to come only from him, and she will only help them manifest themselves.
The second important point in relationships is the difference in the level of emotionality. And as everyone already understands, for women it is many times higher. Any splash in the eyes of men becomes a huge wave that is difficult to “swim over,” while for them everything happens very calmly and smoothly. And it is not surprising that the lady’s actions unsettle the most reserved comrade. And representatives of the fairer sex mistakenly ruin relationships in the bud by incorrectly distributing the energy of feelings. It is necessary to subtly, gently, if you want to diplomatically set your goals, and with the temperament of a hunter and conqueror, you should not strive to make a prey out of a man. So she not only runs the risk of losing the relationship, but also turns into a man “in a skirt” with all his qualities. In order not to become a victim of such consequences, it is important to remain tender, feminine, and fragile to the end. It is these character traits given by nature that allow a woman to find that same protector who will have true, masculine character traits.
Why is he timid
No matter how strong feelings he may have for his passion, if there is natural shyness, timidity, it will be very difficult to take the first step. Rather, he will continue to live with dreams, hope, while away the evenings alone, hand her a coat, bring medicine, etc. In short, he is ready to do anything for her, but he just can’t decide on the main action. Why? Most women are sure that he does not love or is not sure of his feelings. Believe me, most often the problem lies in his indecision, and not the strength of his feelings. Let's consider the reasons for the strange behavior of a man and try to understand what is happening exactly with your object of claim.
- The most common reason is fear of rejection. It is for this reason that a man is afraid to admit his feelings and utter the main words. Many ladies do not know that not only the weaker sex, but also the stronger sex is afraid to hear a refusal in response and delays the important moment for a long time. Men are very self-critical, and having met love, they may believe that they are unworthy of their passion, she is too good for him, and may laugh in his face when confessing. Or maybe he also had a relationship before in which he suffered a collapse and heard the word “No!”
- Everyone knows the fear of taking responsibility, a decision on which the entire future fate will depend. Moreover, this reason is the most common among the stronger sex. The problem creeps into the nature of modern men from childhood. Their parents spoiled them and did not give them a chance to take on obligations, responsibility, or bring things to the end. By the way, the “defect” also often appears among girls. And, as a rule, when you are already an adult, your behavior flows by inertia. What should I do? Be patient and wait, behave in such a way that he still shows his concern and says the main words. But be warned, this may take years. What if someone appears on the horizon who can take the initiative into her own hands? So don't be shy, take action!
- State of uncertainty. If he is silent and does not admit his feelings, think, maybe he has someone else? Perhaps he still can't forget about his past love? In such cases, men quite often rush from one woman to another and do not know which one to choose. Here you really need to start on your own, at least in order to decide for yourself whether he is with you or not.
- His past relationship became a living hell for him, and he suffered many disappointments with his ex-girlfriend. Only a frank and trusting relationship will help him open up to you and find out the true nature of your romance. You must also openly show what kind of person you are, how you feel about the institution of marriage. In short, he must stop being afraid and boldly enter into romance without looking back.
- It’s his nature to wait. He is used to the fact that everything flows as usual and the moment will come when everything will be clear. After all, it’s no secret that women love with their ears, and men with their eyes. So, he is ready to admire your figure and stunning appearance for years, everything suits him and he doesn’t want to change anything. But this does not mean that at one moment he will easily switch to another “skirt”. Such men are absolutely sure that it is not necessary to say those very words, because everything is already clear.
- He evaluates your moral, personal, and maybe even physiological qualities. You may not like it, but it is in nature that he looks out not only for a woman with whom he is not ashamed to go to restaurants, but also for the potential mother of his future children.
- He is a natural narcissist and is waiting for recognition to come from you. The gentle nature of such a person will not interfere with further relationships, and there is nothing wrong with the fact that you, and not he, take the initiative. Believe me, as a sign of gratitude for the high appreciation of his merits, and this is what recognition implies, he will do anything for you. Immediately after your words are spoken, he will begin to act very actively. Before you have time to blink your eyes, a stunning ring will flaunt in front of you, accompanied by a reverent marriage proposal.
Be that as it may, a woman shouldn’t wait long, you understand - the woman’s age is short. It is important to understand for yourself whether he needs you or not; maybe it makes sense to find another, more stable person who will not play cat and mouse with you.
I recommend reading: Where are your soulmate: advice from the best psychologists.
Moral preparation for recognition
So, we looked at the main reasons why he is “silent”. If there is no fear that you are a “spare toy,” be decisive and admit it. Just be prepared beforehand and carefully plan the day and location of the event. You don’t need to do this spontaneously, you need to know what words to say at what time of day. After all, how stupid and strange a confession will look in front of a tired person, exhausted from work. As soon as you start, he will simply doze off. Well, of course, these are extremes, just an important moment in life should take place in a beautiful environment and with complete relaxation and harmony. And yet, of course, I wouldn’t want to upset you, but it still makes sense to prepare for any development of events, including refusal and misunderstanding.
Tatiana Mikhailova.
– And I’ll tell you a completely different story. When I was still a student myself, I was courted by a graduate student whom I did not like. He once asked me quite seriously: “New furniture has been purchased in the new apartment, and there are good curtains, I beg you to advise me what to do. If the curtains are drawn, they will fade from the sun. And if they are open, then the light will fall on the furniture and it will deteriorate. Your opinion is important to me." I then laughed and asked why he was even asking me about this. And in this way he wanted to confess his love to me, this confession is characteristic of an anankastic character. Vadik has been studying characterology for 14 years out of the 16 that we have lived together, and I am already very good at it.
Where to confess
The choice of location is also of great importance, and this includes the setting. This helps a woman relax. Judging by the reviews, many girls achieved excellent results by saying tender words on the river bank or while walking along the lake or in the park. A confession sounds good in a movie theater between the words of loving screen characters or during dinner at a beautifully set table. A large gathering and a noisy evening will not be a hindrance; invite him to a white dance and whisper in his ear what he may have long dreamed of hearing.
It’s not superfluous to beautifully arrange an important moment. If your chosen one is a fan of delicious food, prepare his favorite dish, pour a glass of good wine and start delighting him with warm words.
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In cases where a couple lives under the same roof and has been sharing the same bed for a long time, you can say words of love in the morning, during the earliest and best sex of the day. Get up a little earlier, make coffee or prepare fresh orange juice, tidy yourself up and brush his nose with your curls, whisper the three most popular words in the world.
Experienced ladies share their skills and do not advise “pioneers” to confess to men at moments of particular busyness. It is unlikely that he will appreciate your words while watching an important football match or being in a bad mood.
What if he refuses
In every business there is a risk that something will go wrong. So, while you are confident that after confession you will receive a lot of positive impressions, you should still prepare for the option of your lover’s refusal. You always need to remain a true lady and react to everything as a proud, self-respecting person. You just need to accept the situation and understand that this is not the one you need. If he has the audacity to refuse you, it means he doesn’t love you. And it’s great that he opened up and didn’t hide his attitude. After all, life with someone who doesn’t like you is the worst test. After a refusal, you need not to become distracted and cry into your pillow, but to gather your thoughts and think about what to do next.
- It is strictly forbidden to call the offender, pursue him and demand an explanation. The best option is to erase his number and forget about his existence forever. Quite often, a man does not immediately realize what he is doing and can only understand after separation from you what mistake he made. And yet, men are also proud and they are always worried about why the one who recently confessed her love is running after them. And your additional attempts to improve relationships will be perceived as dragging – do you need it?
- Don’t even think about being hysterical, screaming, or threatening your offender. Venting your emotions is the same as admitting your inferiority and showing a man how pathetic and insignificant you are. Moreover, the fact that he refused does not necessarily speak poorly of him. He just doesn’t like you and his openness and honesty should be perceived only positively. Remember the saying “You can’t be nice by force!” You need to come out of any situation, no matter how difficult it is, gracefully and with dignity. So there will be no love between you, but respect will remain.
- If you meet him on the street, in a restaurant or other place, don’t get confused, don’t be nervous and don’t panic. You must always maintain composure. Of course, it’s not always possible to keep your psychological outbursts under control, but it’s still worth trying. Refusal is not humiliation or insult. Unlike our compatriots, Western women have long taken everything into their own hands, and if one doesn’t work out, she’s looking for another. At the same time, we are absolutely sure that nothing terrible happened - and that’s right. Remember - you are the most beautiful and charismatic, very soon someone will appear on the horizon who will truly bring happiness to your home.
- Should I continue contact with this man? It's up to you, but harsh refusals will indicate that you still feel humiliated. Friendship does not oblige you to anything. And if he still does not leave your soul, rejoice at his invitations to communicate. Most likely, he has long regretted his refusal and is ready to replay the situation again, but only with a positive outcome.
Love by order
We have forgotten the intensely authoritarian - epileptoid character. Such a person can cut the truth, command, subjugate. He loves imperatives and motivations, these are characters - military, police and political. Epileptoid is a good family man, but very jealous. Anything can remind him of possible betrayal. He probably doesn’t talk about love at all, but asks his parents about the dowry, behaves so that everything is orderly, significant, so that he is respected. His courtship is orderly, imperative in nature - he can come and say: “Let's go to the movies!” or, even simpler: “Get down!”
How to confess your love
Modern technologies make it possible to pronounce words not only by looking into the eyes of an object, but also by phone, via Skype, Viber, etc. So what's the best way to confess? Let's look at a few options.
Personal presence
If you speak words of love while looking into the eyes of your chosen one, then most likely everything will end well. He will appreciate your straightforwardness, honesty and determination. Your actions indicate that you are very serious about this person and that your feelings are strong. And men, in turn, are big children who love flattery and compliments more than we do. The main thing is not to say too much, so you need to be well prepared for the confession and say everything clearly and without hesitation.
Written confession
The epistolary genre is a thing of the past, and in vain. How beautiful the words of Tatyana Larina’s confessions to Eugene Onegin sound. The paper will withstand anything, moreover, before writing the final version, drafts are written, unnecessary things are eliminated and only the main thing remains.
It is not necessary to write down a whole “sheet”; let the confession be short, concise, the main thing is that the main words appear in it. But they will protect a modest girl from excessive complexities, embarrassment and awkwardness. The method is also great for men who have time to seriously think about the situation and formulate a response.
Confession over the phone
Embarrassment, the fear that when confessing you will have to look your loved one straight in the eyes, the fear that something will go wrong can ruin the whole picture. If you are a very modest person, confess your feelings over the phone. There are pros and cons here. The disadvantage of telephone communication is that you will not see the true reaction of your lover. The good point is his intonation, the timbre of his voice, by which you can understand what sensations a person is experiencing.
Who are you confessing to?
The development of the situation after a declaration of love largely depends on who is the “pain” of your heart. If he is older than you, it means he has a lot of life experience, successes and disappointments behind him. And most likely, he will respond to your words wisely and carefully. If he is older, and also an avid bachelor, he may not want to give up his freedom. Here you need to act carefully, as if slowly groping for his weak points and accustoming him to your society. In the end, it should turn out that he simply cannot live without you.
Often, unfortunately, women fall in love with married men, as they say - “Love is evil!” Psychologists are unanimous in their opinion - there is no point in wasting time with them. Even if he agrees to leave the family after your confessions, there will still be no happiness. Well, if you want to confess your love to him, do it as quickly as possible.
After all, most of the “revelers” have relationships on the side due to the lack of obligations. And your words will sober up his condition a little and make him think - continue the relationship or put an end to it, which is what you need!
And most importantly, before declaring your love, check your feelings, think about it - is this really love? Or maybe you confuse passion with this unique and most important feeling on Earth? In any case, there is no need to rush. How to check? Just know that love is unconditionality, selflessness, the desire to be with a person despite any problems. Even if he lost everything he had before, you should want to be there and give pleasure, support, make self-sacrifice without receiving anything in return. Well, is this it? Then start preparing for an important event, get yourself in order and dare - admit it!
What to talk about?
What is the best thing to say when discussing such a delicate, exciting topic? Obviously, a simple “I love you” will not be enough. If you get away with just this phrase, then most likely there will be an awkward silence, from which it will be very difficult to get out. To complement the conversation, you can immediately mention:
- the first impression that the chosen one made;
- the moment/period when the guy realized that he fell in love;
- the influence of love experiences, changes as a result of emotions;
- views, expectations from future relationships;
- degree, depth, type of your feelings.
It is also better not to make a continuous tirade from this information; it is enough to select two or three points for the story, giving the girl the opportunity to insert a word.
