Why a husband doesn’t sleep with his wife: problems and their solutions ⇒ Yaroslav Samoilov’s blog

Increasingly, married women are faced with the problem of irregular sex life with their spouse. For some families, the mystery of why the husband does not sleep with his wife has become pressing and painful. What happens in bed is reminiscent of an anecdote from life, only this time the partners switched roles, and the headache overtook the spouse. Don't despair and give up prematurely. Let's analyze the reasons for the decrease in sexual appetite in some husbands.
From this article you will learn:

Why doesn't a husband sleep with his wife?
When it's a woman's fault that her husband doesn't sleep with her
What can a wife do to bring back her former passion?

The main reasons why a husband does not sleep with his wife

Faced with alienation in bed, a woman worries, looking for reasons and explanations why her beloved has grown cold and does not sleep with her. Naturally, first of all, the wife begins to blame herself. Looking at the wrinkles that have appeared, assessing the flaws in her figure, the lady thinks about her unattractiveness, coming to the conclusion that her husband does not sleep with her because of this.

Solving the puzzle of why a husband does not sleep with his wife, a woman evaluates her actions, suspects that she is not active enough or is overly demanding, and doubts her sexuality.

Wandering within oneself in search of an answer - why the partner no longer sleeps with her - drives the already confused lady into a corner, shattering self-confidence to smithereens. The wife, whom her husband ignores in bed, feels forgotten and uninteresting, self-esteem drops below zero, and as a result - depression, scandals, quarrels in the family. Something needs to be done about this urgently! Dear married representatives of the fair sex should not torture themselves; finding a logical explanation for why the husband does not sleep with his wife is quite simple:

Why has the man grown cold and does not sleep with his wife? Sex has become boring and monotonous. Interest fades away, and you can spend time on more exciting activities.
My wife has gained excess weight. A man doesn’t care about his figure; if his chosen one has acquired a beer belly over the years, he still remains irresistible in his eyes. For wives, such a luxury as being overweight is not permissible. Typically, about 40% of men lose interest in their partner if she gets fat. The husband sleeps separately and ignores his wife if she begins to take less care of herself, and does not wear exquisite things that kindle the passion of her husband. In principle, it is more difficult for women - even if you look good at 40 years old, take care of your figure and appearance, they can find a younger replacement for you. For some reason, it is at this age that husbands usually take on mistresses.
The man prefers films for adults. Incendiary shots are much more interesting, especially if the spouse does not allow secret desires to be realized.
The house ceased to be his fortress and turned into a battlefield with endless claims and showdowns. If the wife is not averse to having a row in bed, then what kind of bed scenes can we talk about?
An important reason why a husband does not sleep with his wife is an acute lack of warmth and affection. Sometimes he is ready for romantic acts under the covers, but if his wife has enough of routine intercourse, the mood and desire to distinguish himself disappear by themselves.

When the wife has nothing to do with it: 8 reasons why the husband doesn’t sleep with her

There are several main reasons why a husband does not sleep with his wife when he has not yet cooled down to her:

Fatigue. For five days, from morning to evening, he must make important decisions and take on someone else’s responsibility. In the evening, the man is exhausted and devastated - all he wants at home is peace and quiet. Let's remember the traditions. During the Victorian era in England, men returned from work, sat down to dinner, and then read the newspaper news. There was complete silence in the house - the children were in their room, the wife was nearby, but she was silent - the head of the family was resting. According to Jewish rules, on Shabbat (Saturday evening) the head of the family must fulfill his duty to his wife. Not a word is said about the other days of the week. Such customs do not arise by chance.
Sedentary work and, as a sad consequence, sexual dysfunction, are one of the reasons why a husband does not sleep with his wife more and more often. A sedentary lifestyle, long hours of work at the computer, fast food, stressful situations - because of this, there is insufficient blood supply to the vessels, including the pelvic organs. As a result, they cannot fill enough blood at the right time to cause a normal erection. Major problems with sex life are caused by smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and drug addiction. To save the situation and return the husband’s desire to sleep with his wife, it is better to give up bad habits and go in for sports. If your loved one's work schedule is so busy, why not buy an exercise bike? This will help restore blood circulation to important male organs and protect him from impotence and return the desire to sleep with his wife.
Not only smoking and alcohol weaken male power, but also taking certain medications. For example, during treatment of gastritis, ulcers, heart, kidneys, when using antidepressants, barbiturates, hormonal pills, as a rule, the husband does not sleep with his wife, as before, as usual.
Problems with potency are one of the reasons why a husband does not sleep with his wife. The situation is unpleasant, but you shouldn’t give up on your partner; he will be able to continue to fulfill his duty, but much less often. Sometimes the need for sex continues into old age.
Groundless fears in bed – why doesn’t it work? There is an explanation for this - heavy workload both at work and at home, with my wife. Psycho-emotional “too much” leads to failures in bed. A man often does not sleep with his wife after suffering from prostate diseases or operations on her. Afraid of feeling discomfort during sex. The lady’s actions are to leave problems in the past and not dwell on them. Communication with friends, doing things you love, sometimes even psychotherapy will help your loved one to believe in himself again and feel the desire to sleep with his wife.
Why does my husband rarely sleep with his beloved? An insidious enemy is heart and vascular disease. If a man suffers from cardiac ischemia, atherosclerosis or hypertension, his prostate will also suffer. But the biggest blow to male strength comes from diabetes. Look for a good specialist, undergo an examination and a course of therapy.
Computer addiction is also the reason why a partner does not want sex with his wife and does not even sleep in the same bed with her. With the advent of the Internet, many men cannot be taken away from the monitor. This hobby takes energy and time and sometimes replaces intimacy.
Weak desire to have sex with a partner by nature. We are all different, in some couples the husband does this with his wife three times a day, while for others it is enough to perform men’s duties once every six months. But at first, in order to impress, he hides this flaw and has sex with his beloved through force.

Long before my husband and I came to sleep separately2

Of course, we didn't always sleep separately. When we started living together after marriage, we literally didn’t get out of bed because we couldn’t get enough of each other. These are the most sincere and pure feelings that were between us.

5 years after marriage, our first child was born. Both he and I have always been of the opinion that a child in the bed of two spouses is wrong. The son should have his own bed where he is alone. He will be more comfortable this way.

From childhood, it is necessary to instill in a child a love of personal space. And everything would have gone well if not for one situation from the past: the child fell asleep on my chest in our shared bedroom. From that moment on there were not two, but three of us in the room. And, despite the fact that this is our beloved long-awaited son, and we love him very much, it shouldn’t be like this (note to all couples!). From here we have identified 2 negative aspects of the presence of children in the parents’ room:

now there will always be three people in this bedroom, and the main one in all this is the child;
sex as a pleasure has faded into the background, since the priority is the child.

As a result of a mistake that my husband and I made: our son began to always be in our bedroom: morning, feeding, playing, falling asleep. Our bedroom and our bed became for him a kind of world in which he liked to be.

There was no point in taking away this joy from his son, to which he was accustomed. So, the three of us are used to sleeping together. There were even moments when none of us could sleep, even if we were alone in bed with our husband. It would seem that this is the very option when you can have sex and enjoy each other, but this did not happen either. I wanted to have a son nearby who would give us joy and calm us down.

We lived like this for 2 years until he showed up. . .second child. Do you understand how difficult the situation was? We had barely gotten used to the fact that we would no longer be able to sleep with our husband alone, when there were already three of us, and then four. The hope that we could ever be together at all was gone forever. You can even say that we have lost the habit of solitude. We set priorities, it was hard, but what can we do? And here's what came first:

the most important thing is that the children get enough sleep (and they only fall asleep with us!);
the room had a soothing atmosphere, so there was no point in moving the children to another bedroom.

Husband doesn't sleep with his wife because he has a mistress

The man stopped sleeping with his wife - a mistress appeared. Your spouse, albeit temporarily, falls in love, and strong emotions make him want only a second passion. This in no way applies to ordinary ladies' men, who simply “collect” love affairs with ladies out of passion. Casual sex will not instantly “kill” your partner’s desire. But if we are talking about constant infidelity, then the man simply avoids intimacy with his wife and does not want to sleep with her. The sufferer is looking for love on the side when he is faced with a wall of misunderstanding at home, both in everyday life and in bed.

Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to predict the appearance of a third wheel. Family breakdown can occur through the fault of both men and women. But for some reason, it is the spouse who will hide infidelity because of feelings of guilt in front of the children or fear of losing material values. Sooner or later, every woman will feel why her husband has grown cold and does not sleep with her - he started an affair with another. The head of the family is indifferent and indifferent, comes late at night, often goes on business trips and does not pay attention to his wife and children. He does not hesitate to offend his wife, insult him, and even sleeps separately. Scandals in such a family become the norm.

The presence of an outside relationship is a common reason why a husband sleeps separately from his wife. The chosen one does not want intimacy with his wife in every sense of the word; he has enough tenderness and carnal pleasures on the side. A man is in love, he likes new experiences from sex with another woman, he gets physically tired due to frequent trips to the “left”. Let us outline two important reasons why a husband does not sleep with his wife, but sleeps with other women: natural polygamy (only one woman is not enough for him, or his wife does not interest him), problems in the family (frequent scandals).

Advice for pregnant women and young mothers

If a husband does not want his pregnant wife because he is worried about her health, a confidential conversation with a gynecologist can correct the situation. If the basis is the nervousness of the expectant mother, then a calm atmosphere, care and attention will return the desire for intimacy. When a woman says that “my husband doesn’t want me after giving birth,” perhaps the fact is that not enough time has passed. Wait a couple of months and intimacy will return.

If your child takes up all your time and thoughts, and your spouse has long faded into the background, try the following:

While there is a ban on full-fledged sex life, engage in oral sex. This way, your husband will understand that he is still important to you, he will be able to fully relax, and mutual understanding will not leave the family.
The birth of a baby is not a reason to forget about yourself. Clean clothes, walks in the fresh air, simple but cute hair styling, at least minimal exercise will allow you to remain attractive, even if the child is capricious and demanding. You certainly cannot forget about yourself.

Less nervousness, more affection and interest in each other, and everything will be fine.

What should a wife do if her husband does not sleep with her?

In search of lost sexual desire, the spouse must be aware of why her husband does not sleep with her.
Even couples in which there is complete mutual understanding, for some reason may not be suitable for each other in bed. The demand to fulfill marital duty by force can only aggravate the situation. If the reasons for the husband's passivity lie in overexertion at work or stress, why not eliminate the problem without the help of doctors. Give your loved one a rest, and the question of why your husband doesn’t sleep with you will go away on its own. But if a man shows signs of depression, consult a specialist and understand why your spouse does not sleep with you. The wife should exclude from the agenda the topic of why her husband does not sleep with her, and step aside, give him the opportunity to understand himself. But you need to be there when your husband understands why he didn’t want to make love to her. Pressure will not help, it is better to find common interesting hobbies, spend time together and do not focus on his reluctance to share a bed.

Psychologists advise against throwing hysterics. Frequent and heated quarrels can completely alienate you from each other; this is where the answer lies to why the husband does not sleep with his wife in the same bed. Don’t even think about talking about this intimate topic with strangers; even your closest friends should not know about your temporary difficulties in bed. But you can’t pretend that nothing happens when your spouse doesn’t sleep with you.

Talk to your husband

Carefully approach the topic of why your partner no longer sleeps with you. Men really dislike such conversations, find various excuses, get irritated when they hear about their shortcomings, or do not see any problems at all in rare or absent sex with their wife.

But a loving woman will find the right words. It is very important to persuade a man to have a frank conversation, so that he himself explains why he rarely sleeps with you, and tells him what does not suit him in his life together and in his intimate life. But the wife must also be honest and admit why she does not like this or that situation. The main thing is to hear your partner, understand and not be offended by his words. Once you understand the reason why your husband is reluctant to sleep with you, take action. You will have to change a lot - your attitude towards certain things, towards your husband’s desires, towards yourself, and the desire to correct the situation should be mutual.

It will be wonderful if you find the strength to admit your secret desires. This is what will help you get closer to new sensations and fantasies in bed and open a new page in your relationship. Why not offer to diversify your sex life? Your other half will be shocked, but after a while a rethink will come, and the initiative will seem not so unacceptable or, on the contrary, interesting and erotic. The chosen one will think: why not try?

Create the right conditions

The physical intimacy of a couple directly depends on the relationship in everyday life and life together. Spouses must understand, support and trust each other. The wife, by nature, is the keeper of home coziness and comfort, and the husband, in turn, is the guarantor of prosperity. Think about why your home is no longer a place for love and romance? All defects are easy to fix! Try to be alone more often, at such moments find pleasant topics for conversation, do not burden him with boring everyday life.

Even cleaning or rearranging the furniture can bring your loved one closer and restore the desire to sleep with you - create a cozy nest for comfort. You also get very tired, but you shouldn’t constantly pester your husband with reproaches, impose your opinion on him or “drill” his brains. If your spouse associates problems in your sex life with stress or fatigue, help him relax and postpone lovemaking until later.

It is very important that your husband understands: you are his support. Make the house a place where he feels calm and happy, then you will see how your spouse’s condition gradually improves, and he himself will want to sleep with you. It is worth emphasizing the importance of a woman’s appearance. If you know about your partner's preferences, then you understand which ladies impress him and why. Change yourself, refresh your image - makeup, hair color, hairstyle. Find time for fitness or, if necessary, go on a diet. When a man sees a new beautiful wife - well-groomed, with a neat manicure, smooth legs, in an erotic robe, he will not be able to resist.

Variety will save you

Dramatic changes will definitely become a lifeline to a sinking sex life and will help solve the problem of why a husband rarely sleeps with his wife. Try to diversify your joint leisure time - new hobbies, activities, companies, travel. The updated impressions will be a breath of fresh air for both the ordinary and intimate life of the couple. You need to make changes in bed based on your partner’s wishes. But for this you will have to say goodbye to embarrassment, fears and completely liberate yourself.

It happens that over time the woman herself ceases to be sexy and cannot get a husband. You can try petting; some couples say that this is what helped them overcome the barrier to intimacy. Don't forget about the atmosphere - turn on suitable music or a film with erotic content.

Men's health problems

If a husband does not sleep with his wife due to illness, his companion is obliged to get into the situation and make every effort for treatment and a speedy recovery. There is simply no other way out. But sometimes a woman is powerless - her hope and support closes within herself and refuses any help. In this case, you have three options: get a divorce, find a lover, reconcile. Some women have to seek psychological help to make the right decision.

Sexual diversity

One of the most effective ways to shake up your sex life is to add variety to it. All means are good here - why not experiment, cheer up your husband and refresh your feelings? For example, a passionate meeting of a spouse in skimpy underwear or in a peignoir with a naked body will work one hundred percent; a wounded man will forget about problems at work. And an SMS in the middle of a working day with a hint of a sexual surprise will make your companion languish in anticipation of the evening.

Tips on what to do if a guy doesn't want to have sex

Talk to the man. Sometimes conversations completely remove the issue. Two people discuss the current situation and find the reason, and then think about how to solve it.
There is no need to be shy about your needs. If you want and enjoy sex, talk about it.
Less criticism. Sometimes partners don't match emotionally. A girl needs more intimacy, but a guy is content with intimacy once a week. It is worth listening to everyone's needs and making compromises.
Seduction. You need to know what your man likes. If they are tight shorts, wear them. Run around the house in these clothes, cook dinner. Combine your activity with flirting and a sparkle in your eyes. The ice will certainly break!
What attracts you in sex? You need to know what technique your partner likes; rough games or tenderness, caresses and kisses are suitable for him. Your desires may not coincide, but here it’s worth trying all the dishes offered and deciding which is best. Men always run for more if the delicacy was appetizing.
Over the years, feelings may go away, but sympathy remains. If such a feeling is present, psychologists or sexologists will be able to help bring intimacy back into your life. Doctors are able to transform long-term sympathy into true love.

A man does not want to have sex - this is a problem for two partners. Intimacy is a physiological need for the body. In addition, intimacy relieves stress and helps maintain psychological balance. Without sex, a woman feels loneliness and moral dissatisfaction. The girl will look for flaws in herself and withdraw, but this is not necessary. It is worth finding the reason and trying to solve the problem. Otherwise, you can talk to a psychologist or another specialist.

Do you want a decent man? Then remember this phrase: “I see a man in you.”

What a surprise I was when, at one of the live master classes or seminars, a girl came up to me and started crying during the break. She is beautiful, cool in appearance and she started crying. She says: “You know, Yaroslav, thank you. I’ve been married for 5 years and I’ve never told my man this.” And she cries. It was during this training that she wrote him an SMS and called him.

And try saying this to your employees at work, your boss, your subordinates, your 7-year-old son and see his reaction.

Do you want to know what a man needs to make you happy? Sign up for a free online course Man: honest instructions

Another way to awaken passion in a tired spouse is unexpected seduction in an unusual place, for example, in an elevator, car, fitting room. Every man loves such things, and successful sex raises his self-esteem and improves his mood. Spontaneity, variety and flirtation are three fundamental details with which a marriage will remain strong and avoid all pitfalls.

There are many options on how to introduce novelty into your sex life and say goodbye forever to the problem of why your husband doesn’t sleep with his wife:

Do not hold back your emotions during love contact.
Watch an erotic film together.
Change your boring poses - why not look through the Kama Sutra?
Change the place - invite your husband to have sex on the kitchen table, in front of the mirror or in the bathroom.
Try adult toys, your husband might like it and want you more often.
Discover other types of sex that you have previously avoided.
Master the skill of oral sex - why not?
Turn your partner's fantasies into reality - role-playing games using different costumes or attributes from a sex shop.
Play the game “sex forfeits”.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!