Why is my husband always unhappy? He has a “sour” look on his face, he pours out reproaches and complaints towards you, and you rack your brains, look for the reasons for what is happening and consider yourself to be guilty of something?
I suggest you get acquainted with 8 common reasons for men’s dissatisfaction, and not every reason concerns only relationships with a woman.
Women are designed in such a way that it seems to them that any complaint addressed to them, or even a hint of a complaint (and a dissatisfied expression on the husband’s face is already a complaint) turns on a thinking machine, colored by emotions.
Domestic issues.
There are men who are always unhappy:
- Keep the house in order;
- Prepared food;
- And all sorts of other household things.
At the same time, all these “sins” are your fault and only you!
There are two ways out of such situations.
First, do as he wants.
Second, send him away and let him do everything the way he wants!
But if he constantly makes comments, makes claims, finds fault with little things, then this is a clear sign that he clearly doesn’t like something and it annoys him. He won’t go into the psychological jungle of reasoning about why he is like this? He is who he is. And there is one important point!
If you think that his comments are just nitpicking, that he likes to blow your mind, then think - do you want to adapt to him? Do you want to break yourself to please him?
These are not idle questions; sometimes, behind nagging and criticism, there is a person who wants to dominate another. And a wife who can bend over backwards for the sake of peace in the family is the easiest prey.
What if his comments are true? If he is on point, does he make comments? Of course, his words are unpleasant to you, but if they are fair, then you should listen and thereby make life easier for yourself
Why do women endure abusive husbands for years?
Reasons why wives stay with dictator husbands:
- Fear of change. Some women, even after severe beatings, remain with tyrants due to a banal reluctance to change the situation. There is only one way to really evaluate new prospects - by breaking the hated bonds.
- Material side. Often the aggressor in the family tries to forcibly turn his wife into an uncomplaining housewife, completely dependent on his salary in financial matters.
- Fear of loneliness. Abusers want to increase their importance and belittle the victim, deliberately presenting her as ugly, unkempt, pathetic, and worthless to anyone. Look at yourself from the outside, dress up, put on makeup. If you wish, you will find yourself a new betrothed, leaving the vengeful and cunning aggressor in the cold.
- Problem with children. Having decided to stay with the aggressor for the sake of the child, think more carefully about the example the abuser sets for the heirs. Often boys begin to copy the tyrant parent, adopting his negative aspects of character. Girls who grew up in an uncomfortable and creepy atmosphere subconsciously choose the same despot as their husband.
Any woman should realize that constant abuse in the family is not normal.
Appearance – weight, figure, face, etc.
There are men who directly tell their wives: “If you don’t lose weight, I’ll leave you, we’ll get a divorce.”
This is a fact of life, he married a young girl with a wasp waist, and 10 years later, next to him, outwardly a completely different person. This reason for the husband’s dissatisfaction is very contradictory, because many factors are involved. If your husband directly says that he is not satisfied with your weight, he even insults you and calls you all sorts of names, treats you with disdain, then there is a reason for you to think about whether you want to live with such a man?
I’ll tell you, as a specialist who has been dealing with weight loss problems for almost 10 years, a woman who is married simply does not gain much weight. This happens due to constant stress in relationships. This means that something did not go as the woman expected, and therefore the problems persist. And it seems to the husband that all his dissatisfaction lies in his wife’s excess weight.
What is the solution if your husband is unhappy with your figure?
Adapt to it and lose weight, which in principle is probably what you yourself want. You’re just having trouble losing weight, I’m sure you’ve made many attempts, but things are still going wrong. In order to lose weight, you need to solve those relationship problems that cause you heightened emotions.
The second way out is to confront your husband with the fact that you will not lose weight, that everything suits you personally. What happens in this case? You cross all attempts to prick you, and he needs to make a choice - he will continue to live with you as you are, or let him look for someone who is slim and young.
Your task is to remove your own fear that he will leave you, and you will be left completely alone, useless to anyone. This fear lowers your self-esteem and makes it possible to manipulate you.
Deal with fear and increase your self-esteem. And don't be afraid to stand up for your position! And... it is quite possible that as soon as you stop fighting your excess weight, you will begin to lose weight.
What is aggression and where does it come from?
CONTENT:
To help your husband establish self-control, you need to understand the reasons why anger can come from in a person. In essence, aggression is the result of fear, a defensive reaction. When faced with something in life that is difficult to overcome, some people withdraw into themselves, or run away from problems, or take their anger out on others. The “flight or fight” principle comes into play.
It is necessary to correctly identify the forms of aggression, because anger is manifested not only through shouting or in a fight. Aggressive behavior is:
- physical anger (assault, destruction of things);
- irritability (rude words, toxic communication, scandals, quarrels due to temper);
- verbal anger (swearing directed at a person, raised voices in conversation, threats, shouting);
- indirect anger (vicious, humiliating jokes in public or in private, gossip);
- negativism (intentional behavior “against”, when the husband always argues and does not support his wife).
All these manifestations of inappropriate behavior must be eliminated. Unfortunately, sometimes before marriage it is not possible to discern the essence of a person, and all negative manifestations of character are shown too late. It also happens that anger is a consequence of mental disorders and other disorders when you cannot cope on your own and you will need the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist. In milder cases, you can cope on your own.
Expectations about family life did not come true.
Remember in fairy tales, “and they lived happily ever after and died on the same day.” We each have our own expectations of how family life will turn out. What kind of relationships will there be, how many children will there be, what kind of house or apartment will there be, will there be animals, etc., etc. And so, those same family everyday life came when the initial intoxication caused by the work of love hormones passed and eyes opened to all the shortcomings of your other half.
The job is done, and nothing can be changed, and you clearly understand that your dream of that same magical family life will never come true, and disappointment sets in!
This reason occurs in both men and women; it is not worth blaming men for being dreamers. Think for yourself, what expectations did you have about the relationship?
What to do in such a situation?
First things first, talk. Frankly, honestly. The most important thing is without conflicts and claims. Difficult? No more trust? This means we need to restore and conquer. In a good way, when you know what did not come true for your husband with you, then you can slightly change your behavior or attitude towards him. I won’t reveal a secret if I say that add a little affection, tenderness and attention, and he will become a little happier, and the dissatisfied expression on his face will appear less often.
And if you don’t know what he’s dissatisfied with, then you can’t change anything, maybe he doesn’t like your borscht, and if you cook it differently, everything will work out. (joke)
Want to improve your relationship? Do you want to receive support, attention, love from your man? In fact, it is not so difficult, you just need to learn to say the right words at the right moment! I suggest you download the checklist “22 phrases that will save your relationship”!
Watch the video “How to Talk to Your Husband”
Sexual relations.
For a man, sex always comes first. And if you often refuse him for reasons unknown to him, then he will be forever dissatisfied and gloomy. On the one hand, he will blame you, and on the other hand, he will think that something is wrong with him, that he is doing something wrong, and therefore you do not want intimacy with him.
And in fact, a woman does not simply refuse her beloved man. Something is wrong in the Danish kingdom! And if this reason applies to you, then you need to solve it yourself. Why doesn't a woman want sex? Oooh... there are many reasons...
And embarrassment, and it seems that sex is dirty and vulgar, and you don’t look right, and you get tired, and.. and.. add your reason. It is imperative to solve this problem, because a man can just up and leave, and this will be a real reason to break up.
But if you don’t like something specifically in bed with your husband, and that’s why you refuse, then it needs to be discussed. Talk frankly without any embarrassment.
Occasional irritability, such as lack of self-control
Periodic irritable behavior and aggression of the husband may indicate the psychopathization of a neurotic personality, when they imitate offending loved ones. When a person is convinced that he cannot solve problems, achieve what he wants and is extremely irritated and dissatisfied with this, he can transfer his irritation, anger, and dissatisfaction to other people, usually close and weaker ones.
Most often they become wives, children, subordinates, pets. Using this form of behavior in a stressful situation, a person can also complain, whine, appeal for sympathy and claim that he is right and is doing everything right, and external circumstances and other people are insurmountable obstacles and reasons for his failures.
Since the cause of reactions to stress lies in the person himself, that is, in your spouse, and not in you, only he himself can influence his reactions and his behavior. He chooses how to treat people and react to situations with the help of his beliefs.
Emotional self-control skills must be developed before adolescence. If an adult has not learned to control his negative emotions, a specialist can help him. Psychopathization can be corrected through long-term psychotherapy.
The reason for my husband’s eternal dissatisfaction is that he doesn’t know how to switch.
Some people do not know how to switch their thoughts and emotions from negative to positive. We can say that they are stuck in some negative situation and cannot emotionally get out of it. And it goes without saying that problems are constantly spinning in your head, and a dissatisfied face is like a scoreboard on which all the numbers are displayed.
How is your husband doing at work? Does he have problems?
Especially if your husband comes home from work angry and dissatisfied, then this has nothing to do with you.
Men have one peculiarity: it is difficult for them to focus on several things and thoughts at the same time.
Men are single-taskers! In one unit of time, they solve one problem.
And it is quite possible that when your man comes home from work, work issues continue to spin in his head, and he cannot adjust to household chores.
This reason can be calculated quite easily, based on several signs:
- He talks about his problems, blames his superiors, colleagues, etc.
- When he comes home, he looks unhappy, but after a while, maybe an hour, he begins to smile and communicate normally with you. He needs this hour to switch his thoughts, and therefore, he should not jerk him and ask: “How are you?”
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The reason for the husband's dissatisfaction is money problems.
Everything is clear, if your family does not have enough money, then he considers himself responsible for this, and it is quite possible that he blames himself for not being able to earn enough for his family.
And if you constantly reproach him for not having enough money, then you are adding fuel to the fire. Why constantly remind your husband that he works poorly or earns little?
And you shouldn’t compare it with other men who earn an order of magnitude higher. With your reproaches and statements, you only make things worse, because by lowering his self-esteem, he punishes himself and stops believing in himself.
Have you ever thanked your husband for bringing money into the house, trying, and working? Maybe not as much as you want, but he’s trying!
Yes, one might say, he doesn’t try hard enough. But, if he doesn’t drink, isn’t a drug addict, doesn’t raise his hand against you, doesn’t insult you, respects and appreciates you, then for sure, sometimes you have to say that he’s doing great!
Your tongue will not be erased, and your husband will be very pleased, he will understand that you value him, and it is quite possible that when his thoughts go in a different direction, he will be able to see new opportunities for earning money for the family.
Your mood.
What do you look like? What is your prevailing mood when you communicate with your husband?
I have repeatedly encountered cases where men who come for consultations complain that when they come home from work, their wife, who is always dissatisfied, immediately makes some complaints. Therefore, pay attention to yourself:
- What is your facial expression when communicating with your husband?
- What do you think about when you look at him?
- What feelings do you experience when you communicate with him?
- What tone do you use?
- Do you often thank him?
- Do you make any claims to him or reproach him for anything?
And if you answered yes to some points, then it is quite possible that your husband is simply mirroring you, reflecting back to you what you send to him.
If you have a prevailing sad, depressed, apathetic mood, then in this case, you need to pay attention first of all to yourself. You need to even out your mood, otherwise it is quite possible that your husband is upset and dissatisfied with your condition.
Why did my husband become aggressive after the birth of the child?
There are situations when the husband began to show aggression and irritability towards his wife after a child appeared in the family. Why does a man become angry after the birth of a child?
After the birth of a child, the relationship in a couple moves to a new level. From dyadic (paired) they move into triadic (relationships of three). On the one hand, this makes the family more stable, but on the other hand, such relationships alienate the spouses, distancing occurs due to greater attention to the child.
The birth of the first-born changes the functions, rights and responsibilities of family members; for the first time, spouses are faced with their partner’s ideas and expectations about parenthood.
A man may become more irritable after the birth of a child for a simple reason - his wife stops giving him due attention and care - all her energy is spent on the baby.
For some couples, after the wife gives birth, intimate relationships are upset. The wife may lose interest in them and begins to push her husband away. Sexual relationships are an important aspect of intimacy between partners, especially for men.
But, as a rule, most women during pregnancy, as well as in the postpartum period, experience a decrease in libido (sexual desire), and this cannot but affect sexual relationships. In addition, when a mother breastfeeds her baby, prolactin (the hormone responsible for milk production) also reduces libido.
And if motherhood is not easy for a woman, and she is emotionally exhausted, then libido decreases to a minimum level. And how can her body think about reproduction (which is how nature intended the purpose of sexual relations) if she is already unable to cope and is under stress?
If the baby is restless, sleeps poorly, and often screams, then the working husband may become irritable due to lack of sleep and overwork.
Illness or chronic stress.
Why is my husband always unhappy? Have you ever thought that he might be sick? Does he have any pain, but is he hiding it or is he afraid to go to the doctor?
Some diseases can affect mood and emotions. Ask if anything hurts him? And if it hurts, then find out what exactly it is, do you need to see a doctor? And most importantly, in this case, try to dispel his fears and try not to get scared yourself.
Sometimes, the cause of dissatisfaction can be chronic stress, which is expressed in severe and constant fatigue, as well as sudden mood swings.
In this article, I wrote about the symptoms and signs of chronic stress.
And finally, I want to give you advice - don’t get hung up on your husband’s eternal dissatisfaction. Don't drag the blanket over yourself, and don't think that you are to blame for his bad mood.
Your husband is an adult and can solve his emotional problems on his own, and if he doesn’t do this, then everything suits him.
There is a paradox: as soon as a person concentrates on something bad, he immediately begins to see only the bad, this is how our perception works.
Therefore, try to see your husband’s good mood, when he is happy, cheerful, when he rejoices, be sure to tell him how wonderful it is when he is in such a good mood, how you love him even more at such moments.
And talk more often about how good he is, and I am sure that your kind words will help change your family relationships for the better.
I hope that you have understood a little about the question “Why is my husband always dissatisfied?”, analyze it and draw conclusions.
Be loved and happy!
Sincerely, psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova.
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