Fell in love with a married man: 10 wise tips from a former lover

You know, in the past, for me, relationships with married men were strictly prohibited. After all, from childhood we are taught that we should not touch someone else’s things. But unfortunately, life sometimes dictates its own scenarios, and even the most persistent rules crumble under the weight of circumstances.

This happened to me too. Dizzying falling in love, a moment of relaxation and that’s it: the mark of a mistress came from where they didn’t expect it. How to behave in such a situation? Should we hope for a successful outcome? Today I will reveal some tips obtained through trial and error.

His personal life is not your jurisdiction

“My motto is not to worry, but to excite!” (Marilyn Monroe)

We girls are very curious and meticulous creatures. Therefore, we do not hesitate to bombard our beloved with questions about his wife, children, mother-in-law, grandmother and other family members. We are interested in knowing everything - from intimacy to evening gatherings in front of the TV. Remember, you can’t do this!

First, most likely, you will not hear the truth. They will tell you a heartbreaking story about an evil toad who does not appreciate an ideal man, and in the end they will also demand pity and consolation.

And, secondly, there is a risk of hearing unpleasant information that will pass through the heart like a sickle and leave unhealed wounds. Curiosity is not a vice, but in this case it is not worth showing it.

Don't forget that your wife always comes first

No matter how wonderful, exciting and loving a girl you are, for a married man, your spouse will always come first. Yes, perhaps now they have some differences in their relationship. Probably, intimate life in the family is the same as before. But they are united by years of family life, during which they got to know each other down to the smallest detail.

They are connected by a common life, children, friends and familiar conditions. Statistically, in most cases, a man is not ready to sacrifice his comfort for the sake of a fleeting adventure. And, having enjoyed your company, he will gladly return under the wing of his wife.

Tips to help you stop loving a married person

A vicious relationship repels or, conversely, excites. However, there are situations when a woman understands that she does not want to become a mistress. Then she needs to take control of all her thoughts. Psychologists insist that you can overcome feelings with a conscious, volitional decision.

To do this, analyze the connection:

Assess the maturity of your experiences. Women tend to look for a strong shoulder in times of weakness. Remember what your emotional state was during the meeting and the emergence of feelings. It is likely that the girl was depressed, and in the man she met she saw the key to salvation.
Analyze the disadvantages of minor roles. Think about how your mistress lives, what she is content with. The situation of constant withdrawal, fleeting dates on free weekdays and lonely evenings are unattractive for girls, especially if there are other prospects.

Put yourself in the place of an abandoned woman, feel her pain and experiences. Due to the lack of discussion of the wife or constant condemnation of her, the mistress does not become sympathetic to her. In addition, there is rivalry. However, think about what she is going through and feeling, and also evaluate whether such a man is needed without a wife, in a divorce. Often, when this question is raised at a psychologist’s appointment, women understand that their interest in a new partner is sportive and caused by intense rivalry, a desire to prove superiority.
If you can’t work through the problem on your own, contact a psychologist. It will help you understand the reasons for the current condition and independently choose the future path of development. And remember, not a single good psychologist will blame, scold or shame you for having a relationship with a young man in marriage. If this shows up at your appointment, change the specialist.

Don't let your loved one into your personal life

“Women talk about love and are silent about lovers, men - on the contrary: they talk about mistresses, but are silent about love.” (Marina Tsvetaeva)

Yes, you sometimes sleep together. But this does not mean at all that you are now his property and should do only what he wants. In such a relationship, you have open carte blanche for freedom of action. You have every right to communicate with other men. Let the gentleman know that this union will last as long as you want it. Exactly you. Not him.

Common Mistakes

When having a relationship with a man in marriage, women are often afraid of falling into the romantic network of their lover. However, a mild degree of this condition can be tolerated. It is much more serious if other mistakes are allowed:

Wrong assignment of roles. The lover, inspired by feelings and confident in her position thanks to words, does not understand that the man is using her. As a result, she builds illusions that, when destroyed, bring disappointment.
Pregnancy. If the decision to have a child is dictated by the desire to lure a young man away from the family, then this option is possible if there are no children in the marriage. In addition, his words are not always true - gentlemen tend to manipulate women in this way. Be prepared for a breakdown in communication after your partner receives news of the replenishment.
Humiliation. Men, having won a woman with compliments and gifts, lose interest. And the mistress is trying to get a portion of attention at this time, but is met with a cold attitude and rudeness. Don't tolerate this.
Don't look for meetings with your lover's wife. This woman may know or guess about you. There is a possibility that she also wants to see each other and talk, to convince her not to interfere with the family. Do not react to provocations and do not get acquainted. This is fraught with the emergence of an eternal confrontation that flatters a man, but humiliates and deprives women of strength.
Don't push. Using minor hints, mistresses unconsciously try to lure attention away from the family. This threatens to be abandoned, offended. In addition, no one guarantees that a man is ready to make such a decision now. Don't blackmail him, give him time to think. If nothing changes, then this is his decision. To come to terms with him or not to agree is the woman’s choice.

Being in the role of a mistress who does not have an official status is considered unacceptable in society. However, you need to decide whether this is suitable on your own, based on your feelings and not relying on the experience of others.

Show him that he is not the center of your universe

You are an interesting, attractive woman. There is always something to talk about with you. And you are constantly busy with some kind of business. Today - fitness room, tomorrow - Spanish language courses, on Thursday - a theater performance, and on Sunday a meeting with close friends.

Thanks to a busy schedule, your life will not only become active and interesting, but will also make a man think that he is not such a central player in this field. Let him adapt to the fast pace of your life and look for options for dates.

Love or not?

In fact, it is in your interests that this feeling turns out to be anything but love. Understand yourself, remember when you realized that you fell in love with a married man? Why did the choice fall on this person, what is special about him? Love is often confused with other feelings, such as gratitude. Perhaps this is the case: a man once helped, supported, provided assistance... It is for this reason that girls and women often fall in love with their doctors and even driving instructors. Well, here it is: find a way to thank this person (a box of chocolates or expensive alcohol is quite appropriate as a “payment” for help). And call it a day. In a couple of months you will understand that there was no love at all - just a heightened sense of gratitude.

Or maybe he looks like the man of your dreams, the man from the picture... Admiration for such a character can also be mistaken for love. But it’s very easy to say goodbye to illusions - just take a step forward and get to know the person better. In everyday life, the man in the picture quickly loses his magazine gloss and sometimes turns into a completely unattractive subject.

Another all-consuming feeling that is often mistaken for love is passion. Think about it, do you feel anything other than sexual attraction for this man? Is he interesting to you as a person, and in general - do you know anything else about him other than the fact that you are physically attracted to him?.. Falling in love with a married man can seem like something that is boring. Perhaps you are simply drawn to adventure because your personal life is not satisfactory. And here he is on the horizon, so handsome and charming, and it seems that, even if just a little, I will touch this “happiness”. How is this treated? Believe me, an affair with a married man is not such an exciting adventure. We'll tell you why further.

Be wiser

A smart girl has hundreds of ways to attract a man in her arsenal. And a truly wise woman will carry out the adventure in such a way that her lover will 100% believe that it was his initiative. Don't forget that he is the one who is trying to achieve you, and not the other way around.

Albina Dzhanabaeva was in a secret relationship with Valery Miladze for many years. The singer tried in every possible way to surround the man with affection and care. She took care of her appearance, did not forget about sports, and cooked regularly and deliciously. She was attentive and sensitive towards her loved one. As a result, she became the wife of the famous singer.

How to stop loving your lover and break up with him

A breakup is always hard. To cope with your emotions, use the following tips:

Come up with a new dream for yourself

Do not attach too much importance to your lover on the side. Don't make him the personification of all your dreams and desires. Set yourself a new ambitious goal. It may have nothing to do with relationships with the opposite sex.

Forget about pleasant moments

To erase a lover from your memory, you first need to remove all reminders of him from real life. Delete correspondence, erase his number and joint photos on your phone. Focus your attention on the negative aspects of your communication. For example, remember that your partner often deceived you, and you hate lies.

Get rid of gifts

Say goodbye to gifts and souvenirs that remind you of your loved one. Constantly encountering them will only make you needlessly upset and reminisce about the time you spent together.

Make a rearrangement

If you met on your territory, then rearrange or even renovate the apartment. Buy new pieces of furniture or home accessories. This will keep your head busy with new ideas, and your home will no longer remind you of dates with your lover.

Get out of the house

Do not isolate yourself from the outside world, savoring your melancholy. Lead an active life, go to exhibitions, to the cinema, ride the carousel in the park with your children. Life is beautiful, so don't waste it being sad about a person who wouldn't make you happy anyway.

Start a new hobby

Since you've decided to say goodbye to the past and start over, find yourself an original hobby that you've never encountered before. Creativity clears the mind, distracts from bad thoughts, helps relieve stress and charges with positivity.

Don't be an individual psychologist

No matter how cool boys are, they also have emotions, and they need to pour them out somewhere. Of course, we don’t really want this. It wasn’t enough to be sad that he was married, but also to listen to how hard and bad it was for him and this very wife, and how worried he was about it.

But! His personal dramas are not a reason to traumatize the female psyche. After all, relationships are primarily built on friendship. And friendship with one goal is some kind of perversion. A true friend will never hurt a loved one by telling him something that is unpleasant to him. Don’t become a vest for a man, he won’t appreciate it anyway.

Finding out the true motives

The simplest method that will help you not fall in love with your lover is to find out the true motives for betrayal. If a woman went “to the side,” there is always a logical explanation for this action. For example, a spouse is so busy at work that he does not pay enough attention to it. He regularly travels on business trips and is never at home. It’s elementary that the spouse begins to get bored.

The second reason for betrayal may be financial difficulties. For example, spouses can barely make ends meet. But suddenly a wealthy macho man appears on the lady’s horizon, ready to solve all her financial problems.

Often the reason for infidelity is associated with monotony, complete or partial dissatisfaction in bed. What did you think? Give variety not only to men. Everyday life and routine reduce attraction, cause indifference, and also encourage you to look for new sensations on the outside. Of course, it is important that a young lady inspired by good sex does not fall in love with her lover.

Sometimes the reason for female infidelity is hidden in good intentions. For example, when the boss of the “horned” spouse acts as a lover. In such a situation, a woman meets with her lover only to help advance her husband’s career ladder, increase his salary, etc. This is a woman’s obviously selfish arrangement. Fell in love with your lover? It is immediately clear that no.

Another reason is revenge. Yes Yes. Women, although not bloodthirsty creatures, are very vengeful. For example, a wife repeatedly catches her husband talking with some ladies. They write him love messages, call him in the middle of the night, thank him for a great time in messages, or even show up at his house.

Seeing such dishonest behavior on the part of her husband, the wife decides to take revenge on him and take a lover. In this way, she plans to make him jealous, forget about all her passions, etc.

In a word, there can be many reasons. The main advice on how not to fall in love with a lover is to soberly assess the situation. For what exact purpose did you start an intimate relationship on the side? Be honest with yourself. Why do you need this? What prompted you to do this?

Watch your appearance

When people have been married for several years, they gradually relax and stop paying due attention to their appearance. Perhaps this also affected his wife, and every day he sees her in worn clothes, with a bun on her head and overgrown hair on her legs. This is a chance for you to shift his interest in your direction.

Visit beauty salons, don’t forget about shopping, keep an eye on updated manicures and pedicures. You have to be flawless so that just by looking at you he starts salivating.

What does analysis of its original purpose provide?

It is not difficult to identify the real reason for betrayal. It is enough to weigh everything and look at the situation soberly. At the same time, the main thing is to remind yourself of your intentions whenever you feel a change in feelings for your partner. This simply needs to be done so that you do not fall in love with your lover. What to do if the ultimate goal is just sex? Repeat it to yourself like a mantra. Then there will be no problems with falling in love.

Get into his circle

Men love to gossip with each other about women. And if a new specimen appears in the field of view, all curious glances are directed at it. And here it will depend only on you what characteristics you will be given after the meeting. Be cheerful, cheerful and sociable. If you can please your lover's friends, they will be additional allies helping him to come over to your side.

Reasons why a married man loves a married woman

Most husbands are not going to divorce. As I noted, they do not see anything wrong with betrayal, so they treat their mistress with ease, as temporary entertainment.

If a girl is unmarried, she intuitively hopes for the continuation of the relationship and its legalization. She has a lot of free time that can be spent on calls, messages, meetings. They are more interested in gifts and constant attention.

A married woman, on the contrary, is different:

Unpretentiousness: she is satisfied with her current situation, she does not want to change anything.
The desire to give all the love and tenderness, she is an experienced woman, she already knows a lot, she does not strive to play a role that is inaccessible.
The need to hide relationships. She will not gossip or tell her colleagues and friends.
Material considerations. It’s simply impossible to give expensive gifts - after all, how will she tell her legal husband about the new acquisition.