30 Signs of a Narcissistic Man in a Relationship with a Woman

Such men arouse interest even at the first meeting. They can be witty jokers or philosophers - it depends on what role they play today. Men - narcissists expect special treatment of themselves, as if they were chosen ones. They like to be in the spotlight and take leadership positions.

It is important to distinguish between narcissism and high self-esteem. The second may be a completely healthy quality of a successful person. The first is always a deviation from the norm. In the world of the narcissistic man, there is only one “hero.” All the rest are just replaceable supporting figures. Even if you sacrifice everything for a narcissist, you will not get him forever. He will be there as long as it is convenient for him.

Here you can read: How a girl can love herself and increase her self-esteem

Types of narcissism

Construction type . The phenomenon is quite healthy. A person realizes his strengths. Uses skills and experience to benefit others. Rejoices in his achievements.
Destructive type. It is considered a pathology. A man idealizes himself and focuses only on his needs. There is unhealthy narcissism. In critical situations, he can despise himself, but does not change his outlook on life.
Perverse type. Dangerous deviation. Tendency to violence. Aggression and pressure on loved ones. Blatant manipulation. Parasitizing on someone else's life.

My recommendations

Parents should be aware of how narcissism begins in men. It is necessary from an early age to teach a child to respect others, as well as himself. You should not instill excessive modesty and bashfulness in children - this will lead to the development of self-doubt in their actions.

At the same time, it is unacceptable to brag about your child’s achievements in the presence of other people. Remind your child often how much you love him. Both parents must react correctly to the boy’s actions and avoid quarrels and conflicts.

Signs by which you can identify a narcissistic man

How to recognize a narcissist in time? Here are 30 signs of a big problem:

He talks a lot. Reduces more than half of the conversations to himself.
Reacts sharply to criticism. Doesn't accept advice.
Does not like to communicate with emotional people and be in their company.
Blames others for his mistakes. He denies his guilt.
Having created a relationship, he begins to control his partner even in small things. Constantly wants to know where you were, who you saw and why you were one minute late.
Constantly lies (for unknown reasons, for no apparent benefit).
Neglects loved ones. Refuses help. Forgets important dates.
Changes masks frequently. Constantly pretending to be someone else.
A born manipulator. Easily achieves what he wants from colleagues and loved ones. Often to the detriment of the interests of others.
Plays the role of the victim. Seeks to evoke sympathy. Needs praise.
Creates an image of a good person. Helps for appearance. Donates change to charity.
Focuses attention on your smallest mistakes. Requires complete obedience. Inappropriately makes fun of any woman's mistake.
Has a negative attitude towards children and the elderly. The narcissist needs to be the center of attention and care.
Manic about his health.
Difficulties in relationships = change of partner. It is easier for a narcissist to find a new lady than to compromise.
Economical in everyday life, but ready to pay a fortune for a new watch or cufflinks.
Seeks easy recognition and everyone's attention. Often speaks with pathos. Gestures actively. Laughs loudly.
A narcissist never feels guilty. Even if he hits his partner, he will consider her a provocateur.
Does not like to hear about other people's difficulties and emotional problems.
The manifestation of feelings results in a performance. The narcissist often “overacts.” It's too theatrical.
Everything turns into a competition. He shows how he hammers a nail more effectively than his neighbor and drinks beer faster than his friend.
Constantly talks about his achievements and successes. Refuses to discuss mistakes.
Gives advice easily. Even if he doesn’t understand the topic, he still “knows what’s best.” Gets irritated if advice is not taken.
Doesn't let you into your personal space. Allows only admiration from the outside.
Loves “quick pleasures” and one-night stands. Can get carried away easily and also cool down quickly.
Infallibility of opinion. It is useless to argue with such a man. He is unable to hear your arguments. There is only his “correct point of view.”
A condescending tone when discussing your successes. After all, there is only one recognized genius here.
In the event of a breakup, he makes every effort to make the girl suffer. It inspires the idea that there will be no more good things in life.
Speaks rudely about ex-girlfriends. Even if he himself broke off the relationship.
He loves only himself. Incapable of becoming attached to other people.

Read about: Toxic relationship with a man

Possible reasons for the appearance of this character trait

There are three theories about the reasons for the development of narcissism:

The first is an excess of love . The child is praised for the most minor successes. He begins to believe in his “superpowers.” Too carried away by the idea of exclusivity.
The second is lack of love . Lack of proper care on the part of parents. The desire to receive love turns into the need to be the perfect person.
The third is outside influence . False role models from TV or books. Lack of critical evaluation of these characters. Acceptance of their behavior as the only correct one.

These three theories are united by one statement from Erich Fromm:

Narcissism, like selfishness, is an excessive compensation for a lack of self-love.

Continuing the topic - a psychological portrait of a narcissist man:

Causes

Psychiatrists know how to recognize a narcissistic man. Proven prerequisites for the disease include:

disorders in the structure of the brain;
mistakes in education;
psychological trauma.

Patients experience a decrease in the amount of gray matter in the brain responsible for the feeling of empathy. Low activity in the area of the organ associated with empathy was also noticed. It is impossible to deny the influence of such parenting mistakes as permissiveness, lack of support from parents, and the imposition of certain habits on the child.

The causes of narcissism in men also lie in the negative influence of the media. The onset of illness in a guy can be triggered by dependence on the opinion of society, low self-esteem, mental disorders and excessive care from relatives.

Having matured, a man demands constant proof of adoration from the opposite sex. Status things help the narcissist achieve admiration: a car, a latest model mobile phone, jewelry. The presence of an idol aggravates the course of the disease, often leading to the development of a more severe disorder.

Narcissists - what do they want from loved ones, acquaintances and strangers?

Any narcissist is an insecure and vulnerable person with extremely fragile self-esteem. Such people need constant feeding of their sense of exclusivity. It is vital for them to receive constant proof of their superiority, stand out from the crowd and attract admiring glances.

It is important to understand that the narcissist is alien to such qualities as:

philanthropy,
humanity,
sincerity,
kindness,
empathy.

He behaves quite harshly with his loved ones, stubbornly convincing his family that all his failures are their fault, and all their achievements are his merit. And he succeeds, since constant psychological (and sometimes also physical) violence can break anyone.

A narcissist feels truly comfortable only when his loved ones are confident in their insignificance and his exclusivity. Therefore, he diligently breaks off all connections between his relatives and the outside world with the help of slander, quarrels and similar techniques. At the same time, loved ones do not consider the narcissist a tyrant, because he skillfully focuses attention on, albeit rare, manifestations of kindness and care.

Those with whom the narcissist does not have a close relationship, the “domestic tyrant” captivates with his kindness, honesty, responsiveness or skillful flattery. For unfamiliar and unfamiliar people, he will always be the embodiment of charm, philanthropy and determination.

To enhance the effect, he can also, for example, complain about difficult relationships with loved ones, who are constantly trying to sit on the “poor guy’s” neck. Thus, rays of perseverance, devotion and fidelity are added to his image in the eyes of strangers.

Well, the narcissist simply divides the people he knows into those who can be admired and those at whose expense he can assert himself. At the same time, there are often cases when the same person becomes a victim of slander and flattery at the same time: a two-faced narcissist easily evokes admiration from the victim, whom he boldly confuses with dirt when communicating with other people.

Rules of conduct during forced communication

Dealing with a narcissist can be compared to voluntarily visiting a cage with a wild lion. For this person, people are divided into only two categories: potential victims and potential threats. And regardless of what type of person he classifies you as, you should not expect pleasant consequences from communicating with a narcissist. But sometimes it is not possible to avoid meeting with a narcissist. And in order to minimize the possible negative consequences of such communication, it is worth remembering the following 10 “don’ts”:

Don’t argue if you don’t want to move from exchanging arguments to clarifying your imaginary shortcomings that have nothing to do with the subject of the dispute.
Do not share emotions , because they will definitely be used against you.
Don't try to prove yourself right by being criticized . If the narcissist has already taken off his mask and stopped flattering or disguising his attacks as jokes, then he is eager to assert himself in an argument. It is better to ignore such attempts.
Don't be fooled by changing the topic . “That’s not what we’re talking about now” is a proven way to bring the narcissist back to the original topic of conversation. And this phrase should be used every time you notice an attempt to reduce the conversation to a discussion of your shortcomings.
Don't fall for slander . By badmouthing people, the narcissist eliminates a potential threat and forces his victims to become fixated on making excuses. You should not give in to provocations. It is necessary to verify or refute the words of the narcissist using facts.
Do not trust manifestations of friendship, love or sympathy . Believing in the manifestations of such feelings, it is easy to lose objectivity.
Do not allow outsiders to be involved in the discussion . Even if their participation is limited to the narcissist voicing their opinion. When talking with this person, you should constantly stop his attempts to attract another participant to the topic of dialogue.
Do not allow personal boundaries to be violated . By ingratiating oneself or getting personal in an argument, the narcissist pursues his own goals. Therefore, it is better to immediately show him what line should not be crossed.
Don't ignore offensive jokes . This is not a joke, but a full-fledged attack. And in order not to lose self-confidence, it is better to stop such aggressive influence. Alternatively, you can tell the narcissist to keep his opinions to himself.
Don't forget about self-esteem . You are not a toy in the hands of a manipulator. Therefore, there is no need to turn into his reflection, stoop to his methods and helplessly huddle in a corner.

Who is this

The definition of a narcissistic person dates back to ancient Greek mythology. In Ancient Greece there lived a young man of divine beauty. The young man was cold towards those around him. His own beauty delighted him. His name was Narcissus. The beautiful nymph succumbed to his charm and fell in love with him. However, the nymph did not receive love in return. The young man made fun of her. He insulted the nymph, for which he was punished by Aphrodite, the goddess of love. The young man was doomed to look at his reflection in the water surface, not having the strength to leave. He died, and in this place a flower grew, named after the young man.

In Greece, this flower is not usually given as a gift; it was called the flower of death.

People who are in love with themselves are called narcissists. Exalting their own merits and treating others with disdain. The narcissist seems to be looking at himself in the mirror, admiring himself.

How does he behave in a relationship with a woman?

There is no one kinder than a narcissist as long as you live by his rules.

Elizabeth Bowen, writer

Charming, sweet, sensitive, affectionate... It is difficult not to succumb to the positive emotions that this man evokes in women who have not yet managed to get caught in his network.

In the first stages of dating, a narcissist:

strives to show maximum positive qualities that are guaranteed to please a woman,
will shower you with compliments, repeatedly emphasizing how charming his chosen one is,
will not forget about flowers, joint visits to a restaurant or pleasant walks in the park,
if necessary, he will even temporarily become interested in the same activities that a woman likes.

But it won't last long. Exactly until the narcissist feels that his chosen one has already been caught in the net. From this moment on, he will gradually begin to show his true essence.

At first, it may be ridiculing some minor shortcomings of a woman. Moreover, being offended by such “jokes” is perceived as a weakness, which is also ridiculed. And the narcissist responds to any attempts to respond with the same “joke” with undisguised aggression.

If a serious relationship is built with a woman, then she will be surrounded by care. The narcissist will try to provide her with maximum comfort with a minimum of obligations. He will do everything to make the woman feel safe, renounce communication with friends and even quit her job, just to devote more time to her beloved.

Well, having achieved what he wanted, he changes tactics, forcing his companion to focus on her weakness and helplessness. Like, she is nothing without such a strong man. And he loves her, despite the fact that she is a nonentity.

The idyll in such relationships comes only when the woman gives up and stops resisting. As long as she admires her man, agrees with him and shows sufficient (according to the narcissist) care, he will be calm and kind. But as soon as she focuses even a little on her own desires, she can forget about peace and quiet.

You can also read: Qualities of a man that women value

Is it possible to recognize an egoist on the first date?

The surest sign of a true narcissist is the so-called “bombardment” of love. Imitating falling in love at first sight is a proven tool in the hands of an egoist. Therefore, all kinds of emphasis on the strength of suddenly flared up feelings should be alarming. As well as attempts to emphasize how similar you are to him.

Consequences of such a relationship

A narcissist is capable of giving bright emotions. Any other man against his background will seem gray and boring. However, having decided to have a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to understand that the impressions (pleasant and not so pleasant) will end immediately after he gets tired of the woman.

Consequences of such relationships5

When starting a relationship, you should think carefully. After all, the consequences are mostly sad. Such relationships should be ended quickly, otherwise you will have to visit a psychologist.

After a relationship, problems arise such as:

Depression. A person gives himself everything, but his partner does not appreciate it.
Low self-esteem. Narcissists constantly change their “love” for another. An abandoned person begins to look for flaws in himself and this leads to problems in self-perception and self-love.
Revenge. The narcissist is so focused on himself that he does not think about the consequences. But an offended person can begin to take terrible revenge.

How to build a relationship with a narcissist and not lose yourself due to his attacks?

Trying to get adequate behavior or any form of humanity or empathy from a narcissist is like banging your head against a wall. If he suddenly begins to show these qualities, he probably has a selfish motive. The narcissist only behaves like a worthy person when he needs something.

Tina Sweetin, writer

When deciding to have a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to understand that he is a manipulator with a fragile inner world, dependent on the opinions of others and able to manage this opinion. He is able to give an unforgettable range of enchanting emotions. But he has the power to destroy a woman, devastating, devaluing and abandoning her.

If narcissism is pronounced and visible from the very first minutes of meeting a person, it is better to refrain from a serious relationship with him. In those cases where the problem could not be discerned from the very beginning, there are only two normal scenarios:

When a person does not realize that he is a narcissist and categorically refuses to accept the facts confirming this, a woman can only be saved by a decisive break in relations with him.
If narcissism is not so clearly expressed, a man can be persuaded to psychotherapy sessions. An experienced psychologist will help you cope with moderate manifestations of selfishness, which will give you a chance to save your relationship without becoming a victim.

When in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to maintain some distance without completely dissolving into the man. When he surrounds his chosen one with care, she needs to maintain sanity, not succumbing to the temptation to leave only him alone in her world. And in those moments when he moves away, it is important to understand that this is a stage of depreciation, but not the result of women’s mistakes.

Alternating bursts of interest and detachment on the part of the narcissist are a normal phenomenon for him. By accepting this as a character trait of her companion, it will be easier for a woman to maintain her self-esteem.

An additional help can be the understanding that the weaker the reaction to “suddenly cooled feelings”, the sooner the narcissist will return to the tactics of “love bombing”.

Narcissist is perverted - what does that mean?

A perverse narcissistic man is a kind of energy vampire who feeds on the emotions of other people.

The etymology of the word “perverse” goes back to the English pervertere - “to turn over.” In practice, this means that a person of this type can and will turn everything you say upside down, that is, to please himself.

Signs of a man who is a perverted narcissist are a desire for power over the object of his love and intolerance to objections. In a person with this type of personality disorder, negative traits appear most clearly. This means that the perverted narcissist is almost incapable of empathy, but he is adept at faking his emotions. His reactions are so sincere that he easily misleads other people. He knows how to perfectly imitate his disposition towards women. But his true goal is to dominate. He is vindictive and dangerous, it is difficult to get rid of a connection with such a person, he is not ready to part with his toys. It’s also difficult psychologically - for the duration of a relationship, a narcissist knows how to undermine his partner’s self-esteem, so she will need time and effort to put herself back together piece by piece.

Male narcissism: how to overcome

Coping with this task is quite difficult if a woman has a soft and compliant character. But still, a narcissist can be pushed to work on himself if:

talk about your desires and achieve their fulfillment,
push him to talk about personal things and not use it against him,
create situations in which you are the person in charge of the situation,
do not succumb to manipulation, ignore his attempts to hurt and devalue,
show your strength and self-sufficiency by stopping his attempts to take care of you,
soften his categoricalness with praise for his real achievements.

Yes, all of the above is a tactic of playing on the weaknesses of the “narcissistic egoist.” However, it helps to push the narcissist to the idea that the world does not revolve only around him. To the idea that maybe it’s worth changing something in yourself and starting to be sincerely interested in at least the opinions of your family and friends. And this is already a lot, because such thoughts often lead the narcissist to understand that he has psychological problems.

Looks great

No, not all men who take care of themselves are automatically classified as narcissists. But it is the appearance and high concern about it that can become the first alarm bell. Watch the movements of your interlocutor.

A narcissistic man will too often adjust his hair, the folds of his clothes, look himself up and down and look for the nearest mirror.

Also try remarking to the suspect about a strand of hair sticking out or a thread coming out of a sweater.

Unlike an ordinary man, a narcissist will rush to look for flaws and will not rest until he is convinced of his perfection.

Advice for men on how to get rid of narcissism on their own

Only by recognizing the problem can you deal with it. By sincerely agreeing that he is a narcissist, a man takes the first and most important step towards finding harmony with himself. Having coped with this difficult task, you can move on.

There are four time-tested techniques for successfully managing your narcissism.

Compliance with the 50/50 communication formula

You just need to observe yourself and notice how your conversations are usually structured. If the people you talk to usually only act as listeners, then something is going wrong and needs to change.

To begin with, it is advisable to find topics that are interesting to both interlocutors. Sports, weather, work – it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that the person you are talking to can also express their point of view. And if the interlocutor spoke for about half the time spent on communication, the goal has been achieved.

You should gradually change your usual communication style to an optimal one. At first, two days a week is enough, during which you will try to conduct the right dialogues, choosing topics that are interesting not only to you.

Finding balance

Narcissists tend to overestimate their contribution to the common good. For example, an employed husband is often confident that he is more tired at work than his wife, and therefore daily household chores fall entirely on her shoulders.

To sensibly evaluate your contribution, you can go in two ways. The first is to ask your friends to tell you how important your contribution to the common cause is from their point of view. The second is to feel the burden placed on your partner.

An objective third-party assessment helps you understand how far you are from balance. But this may not help narcissists because they tend to look for the “right” answer and become complacent when they receive it.

Therefore, the second way to assess the weight of your contribution is better. In the case of household chores, you can simply spend your day off and try to complete all your spouse’s daily tasks. As a result, you will be able to sensibly assess how much strength and energy they take from her and whether this is comparable to your daily workload.

Assessing the situation from different points of view

Trying to understand what the situation looks like can help you develop a less selfish position:

from your point of view;
from the point of view of the person involved;
from the point of view of an outside observer.

If you cannot independently imagine all three options, you can use the “help of the audience” - ask the opinion of the person involved and an acquaintance who has nothing to do with the situation.

Adequate self-perception

Narcissists tend to consider themselves better than everyone else, which is why they seek recognition of their own exclusivity. Therefore, the most difficult stage of getting rid of narcissism is learning the art of adequately assessing yourself.

Analysis of your spontaneous impulses helps you cope with this task. For example, you suddenly want to quit because someone took a step up the career ladder while you remain in your current position. You need to consider whether this is due to the fact that the promoted person has more experience, and you have only been in your position for two weeks.

A technique that evaluates the situation from different points of view helps to facilitate the analysis of spontaneous impulses.

They are trying to "fix" you

Universal Pictures

They are “looking for a piece of cheese without holes,” as Greenberg describes narcissists as romantic partners. And since every person on the planet has these same holes, their mission is doomed to failure from the very beginning. As soon as the narcissist sees these failures - which can be very minor (say, you load the washing machine the wrong way, or call a donut a donut) - he will either begin to “fix” you or simply leave you.

“For them, a partner is like a building under construction,” Greenberg says. “They feel like the prince from Cinderella.”

It was the same with Lisa and Andrey. “He knew everything about my past, about my upbringing and gave advice on how to hide it,” says the girl. – I once mentioned that I studied the piano as a child and that I would like to return to this and master the instrument. To which he replied that he would give me playing lessons for my birthday, since, in his opinion, it would be better for me if I were a classically trained musician.”

She adds: “It was like the plot of The Princess Diaries, where I was just a girl in high school and he was trying to mold me into the perfect partner. I was the blank slate on which he was going to create his masterpiece.”

Prevention of narcissism

People don't suddenly become narcissists. They grow up with them. It is important for parents who understand this and do not want their son to turn into a narcissistic egoist to learn:

stop being led by children's whims;
praise the child only for real achievements;
express admiration for the child’s achievements to strangers only if his successes seriously exceed generally accepted standards;
explain to your son how much weight someone else’s opinion has and why it needs to be respected;
prevent the indulgence of the child’s whims on the part of older relatives.

All problems come from childhood

Narcissism is formed in early childhood, when the child understands that he himself does not deserve love. When a baby is shamed a lot and praised only for specific achievements, he quickly learns to “earn” love by saying or doing something that earns adult approval.

In the struggle for parental love, the boy seems to divide his personality into two parts: one deserves approval and, therefore, is more often exposed, the other is subject to censure and hides from others.

Is it possible to fix it

When you first meet, a narcissist makes a strong impression. The image of a self-confident egoist may hide low self-esteem. A stranger cannot change a narcissist. Because in order to change, he must want to change himself. He himself suffers from constant uncertainty, dependence on the assessments of strangers. Only by realizing their problem and starting to work with self-esteem can these people change for the better.

A man actively communicates with his childhood friend: treats him with understanding or confronts him with a choice

Narcissists should avoid making comparisons with other people, as this is a recipe for envy and insecurity. There will always be someone better, smarter, more talented. You should compare your successes with your own past achievements.