How to become a calm and balanced person: Pexels Naomi Campbell's explosive temper has repeatedly brought her to the courtroom. Thanks to several anger management courses, the supermodel learned to control her emotions and became more balanced. Advice from psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky and his colleagues will help you develop restraint and equanimity.
Think before you do something
“Calm, just calm! It’s nothing, it’s an everyday matter,” said Carlson, the hero of the famous cartoon. It was easy for a well-fed man in the prime of life to maintain peace of mind, because he was not responsible for anything. What should the rest of us do when everyday situations unsettle us, there’s a rush at work, the boss makes rude remarks, or teenage children are out of control?
The answer is quite simple. Instead of tearing and throwing when you hear another portion of criticism, solve the problem without shouting. Give yourself a few minutes, put your thoughts in order and carefully weigh every word. Only then answer. Relationships, social life and work will all benefit from this.
Control your attention
A seemingly serious and unsolvable problem is not always so in reality. To make sure of this, psychologist Andrei Zhelvetro recommends using the “Stop” exercise.
If you feel that the situation is getting out of control, freeze for a few seconds and tell yourself “Stop!” Please note:
- how do you feel;
- what you see and hear (what colors predominate, how many people are sitting nearby, or, for example, what kind of music is playing);
- try to track what is beyond your visibility (noises, people, weather, etc.).
By repeating this exercise regularly, you will become calmer and more balanced, and you will experience more pleasant emotions.
Learn to listen
Often, conflict situations, and with them unwanted irritability, arise due to misunderstanding. Without listening to the end of the interlocutor, we begin to be indignant and angry because of his attitude to what is happening or to us personally.
To become calmer and more balanced, try to do more than just talk. Learn to listen thoughtfully to your interlocutor without being distracted by extraneous factors. In this case, it is easier to find a common language, achieve mutual understanding even with a hostile subject, and maintain calm.
Why self-control needs to be developed
Photo by Ivan Samkov: Pexels
A person who is constantly under stress becomes angry, irritable and starts to get wound up. In this case, his ability to self-control (maintain calm) is significantly reduced.
Self-control is a skill that requires remarkable willpower. It helps to “keep your face” in any situation and thereby gain time to give the correct reaction. If you have excellent self-control, then most likely you have already achieved success in the professional sphere, and peace reigns at home.
But more often than not, women tend to show their emotions openly. And this, in some way, is useful because it allows the nervous system to unload.
However, in addition to external manifestations of psychological stress, there are also internal aspects. If you don’t know how to cope with emotions or do it through pathological techniques, you will soon notice a deterioration in your well-being. The most functional systems – the nervous and cardiovascular – suffer first. Palpitations, dizziness, abdominal pain, hand tremors, etc. may occur.
In most cases, a person loses calm if his measured course of life is interrupted:
- a meeting that was planned a long time ago is disrupted;
- your boss at work gives you overtime assignments, forgetting about your personal plans;
- equipment breaks down (especially if it was due to someone else’s fault): the phone breaks down, the printer stops printing, etc.;
- ·children do not obey and violate your plans;
- the husband again forgets about fulfilling his duties as a man: hanging a shelf, playing with the children, etc.
In situations that are already “on the brink”, it is extremely important to keep yourself “in control”. You can lash out at your husband or children, but later you will definitely regret your incontinence. It is for this reason that it is worth learning techniques for managing emotions.
The inability to remain calm is based on psychological trauma you received in an earlier period of life. However, in some cases, remaining calm may not be your temperament. If you are choleric, then learning to control yourself in any situation will be more difficult. But this is also possible.
Keep your voice down
Loud speech is perceived by the interlocutor as an attack or a signal of threat. Subconsciously, he begins to defend himself and activates the corresponding “hit and run” reactions. If you want to avoid escalation of the conflict and maintain calm:
- speak half a tone quieter;
- do not use sarcastic remarks;
- do not interrupt your interlocutor mid-sentence;
- be responsive.
If a person feels that he is heard and understood, he will have no reason to conflict, and you will have no reason to stress and worry.
How to Become a Calm and Balanced Person: Pexels
What does stress lead to?
The human nervous system sees virtually no difference between emotional and physical threats. If you have an argument with someone or miss a deadline, the body can react just as strongly as if faced with a real life-threatening threat.
Living in this state leads to serious health problems, disrupting the functioning of all body systems. Stress suppresses the immune system, upsets the digestive and reproductive systems, increases the risk of heart attack and stroke, and accelerates the aging process. The insidiousness of stress is that it destroys the body unnoticed. You get used to it and stop noticing it.
That's why it's important to know the warning signs and symptoms of stress:
- Memory problems and inability to concentrate.
- Seeing only the negative aspects of life.
- Anxious thoughts and constant worry.
- Irritability and aggressiveness.
- Feelings of loneliness and isolation.
- Pain of unknown origin.
- Increased heart rate.
- Sleep disorders.
- Drinking alcohol or cigarettes to relax.
This is interesting
How to stay calm? Dealing with anger
But the point is that many people do not even suspect, like my mother, a sweet, kind woman, that the invisible work on developing your soul is the most important work that makes you better and kinder every day. All other visible activities are useful only when the work of comprehending one’s essence has been completed.
Minimize anxiety factors
If constant anxiety interferes with staying calm and balanced, learn to calm down. For this, psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky recommends:
- stop watching crime chronicles;
- get enough sleep;
- relax more;
- change jobs;
- If possible, remove everyday causes of alarm.
Don't worry about what you can't control
People tend to worry and get nervous about things they have no control over. This behavior only increases anxiety and increases stress levels.
If you start to worry about something and feel anxious, try to distance yourself from the situation. Evaluate it from the outside and mentally answer the questions:
- Can you influence what is happening?
- What exactly can you influence?
- What can't you influence?
If most of the things that cause anxiety are out of your control, is it worth worrying about them? Of course not. The only thing that will change is your stress level. Remember this and maintain peace of mind.
Control your breathing
During sleep, a person breathes evenly and calmly. To stay balanced and calm, do the same during times of stress.
In critical situations, a person loses his or her breath. Some even stop breathing out of anger or indignation. Take long breaths, raising the diaphragm:
- inhale deeply through your nose (so that your stomach rises and falls with each breath);
- hold your breath for a couple of seconds;
- slowly exhale.
In just a few minutes, this breathing technique will help your body and brain relax. During this time, you will be able to regain control and answer your interlocutor calmly.
In an Ascending Spiral:
Decision making involves creating intentions and setting goals—all three steps are part of the same neural circuitry and positively impact the prefrontal cortex, reducing anxiety. Decision-making also helps overcome the activity of the striatum (corpus striatum - an anatomical structure of the telencephalon, related to the basal ganglia of the cerebral hemispheres, J.A. ), which usually pushes you towards negative impulses. Finally, making decisions changes your perception of the world by calming the limbic system.
Change your perspective on things
There is no universal method that will help you stay calm. According to Irina Udilova, the easiest way to become more balanced is to change your perspective on the situation. A relationship expert recommends looking at the world positively:
- love yourself and others;
- forgive people minor shortcomings, oversights, mistakes;
- show patience to others;
- Less pressure and reproach.
Learn to stop your irritation and negative reactions. If a stressful situation is inevitable, look at it through the eyes of a wise grandmother. Mentally model the possible development of events. Consider the appropriateness of your behavior: what will change if you become worried or angry.
Have you thought about it? Then breathe out, relax and do something more important.
How to Become a Calm and Balanced Person: Pexels
Living Without Anger: How to Stay Calm in Turbulent Situations
Photo: Maria Pavlova
Have you ever felt angry and then regretted it? Probably everyone has experienced such a situation. Our anger causes our loved ones, co-workers or passers-by to suffer. This natural human emotion can destroy even the strongest relationships. Its negative impact is difficult to overestimate. Therefore, it is important to figure out how to live without anger, remaining calm in turbulent situations.
What is anger?
Anger is one of the strong destructive emotions that is a reaction of pride. Anger arises when deep inside we are confident in our abilities and want everything to happen exclusively according to our “scenario”. If the people around us do not act in accordance with our desires and plans, then strong internal dissatisfaction and resistance arise, the external manifestation of which is anger.
In any life situation, we always face a choice of what to do. Acting consciously or unconsciously from a position of pride, it becomes impossible to accept an unexpected state of affairs. A difficulty, a test, a blow of fate comes, and it seems to us that this is unfair. Pride manifests itself when we put ourselves at the center of the world and want only positive events to happen in our lives, all desires to come true, circumstances and people to serve for our pleasure.
The mood of pride, which results in anger, can be seen in various modern techniques and methods of success, which teach how to fulfill any desires and adjust thinking. Unfortunately, in such cases the expediency and usefulness of the desires themselves for the development of personality is not questioned. A desire that must be fulfilled is considered important. When the desired is not realized or is realized in a form that does not correspond to the plans, resentment or anger arises.
Humility is the best cure for anger
Acting from a position of pride, we want to subjugate the world, we oppose ourselves to life. It always ends in disappointment and disappointment. But there is also an arc choice of behavior - humility. Sometimes we can confuse humility with weakness or a passive attitude in life. But that's not true.
True humility is a quality that allows you to live in harmony with the world around you and according to the laws of the universe; it is an active life position. This mindset allows you to accept life in its natural course. Acting humbly means respecting reality without resisting what is happening. Each event, according to the laws of abundance and love, leads to our development, to the fact that something good comes into life. And even if it seems that everything is bad, we must remember that we do not see the full picture. Any situation is useful because of its experience and the opportunity to work on your qualities.
Being in humility and trusting the turns of life, it is important to accept events with love and gratitude, seeing the Higher will in everything.
How to stay calm and not get angry
1. Acceptance of the situation
As mentioned above, first of all, when unforeseen situations arise that could lead to anger, you need to learn to accept what is happening. If inside we act from a position of humility, acceptance, openness to Higher powers, then the understanding naturally comes that any event is “for the good”, for growth and development. If we choose this behavior, then there is no room for anger - no struggle, no complaints.
For example, you were accidentally hit by a stranger who was passing by in a hurry. Acting from a position of pride, you can begin to be indignant or even start a fight. However, as we know, this will not lead to anything good. Accepting this situation means treating the passerby with understanding. Perhaps his haste and inattention are caused by important circumstances or problems.
If we choose this behavior, then there is no room for anger - no struggle, no complaints.
2. Realizing that this is a lesson
If there is a negative state of affairs, in our opinion, that could cause anger, we should look at it as a lesson and see the manifestation of the Higher Meaning. Even if it is not yet clear what good the situation can lead us to, we need to realize that everything is given for our education and improvement of character qualities.
For example, you feel like you are constantly being criticized or judged. If this is the behavior you cannot accept, and it causes anger, then this is an important lesson that life wants to teach you. By realizing that criticism and condemnation often comes from your mouth towards others, and by working on negative character traits, it will be easier for you to accept comments, which, by the way, can often be constructive.
Life seems to put a mirror in front of us, pointing out those moments that need to be worked on. Any suffering and failure on the external level shows our internal destructive beliefs.
3. Trust in life
Trusting life and understanding that the world, through the energy of abundance, gives us the best, allows us to open up to new events that bring benefit to all areas of activity. Trusting life means being flexible, balanced in unexpected circumstances, humbly accepting the course of life as it is.
Has it ever happened that you were laid off from your job or things went really badly with your activities? This is a typical situation for many. At first it could cause a lot of indignation and anger, but later, it usually turns out that at this place all possibilities for implementation have been exhausted, and the new work turned out to be better than the previous one.
Try to trust everything that happens for at least one day, without resisting circumstances and observing how harmoniously, easily and according to the Highest laws everything develops around you. And you will see how much good and amazing things can come into your life!
4. Gratitude
Any situation, even the most painful one, should be perceived with gratitude. Failures, trials, illnesses, betrayal - often it is such difficult turns of fate that teach us tolerance and help us take the first steps on the path of self-awareness.
Imagine that your wallet has been stolen. The first reaction to such an incident is usually anger. By accepting the situation as it is, and seeing the will of the Higher Powers in it, you will be able to realize that in this way the “excess” was taken from you. As they say, money is better than, for example, health.
The ability to thank life for trials is a quality of strong-willed people. It comes when we choose humility instead of an attitude of pride. Humility is the attitude of a student that allows him to endure difficulties with dignity and be sincerely grateful for them.
5. Calmness
By changing your internal ideas, you will acquire new behavioral skills. Instead of pain, rejection, anger, you will be able to calmly react to the most unexpected and unpleasant circumstances.
For example, previously you could not get out of conflicts with dignity and responded with anger to aggression. By practicing humility, trust in life and gratitude, you will learn to behave calmly in conflict situations, finding a reasonable way out of the problem.
When calmness becomes your natural reaction, the need for such lessons will be exhausted, and the situation on the external plane will also change. There will be fewer reasons to worry, and more reasons to be happy.
Accept life with love and gratitude and be happy!
Play some sports
Regular physical activity will help you stay calm in stressful situations. This could be yoga, dancing, running, tennis, gym classes or Nordic walking.
According to research, exercise helps:
- normalization of sleep;
- relaxation and lowering the threshold of irritability;
- reducing the level of cortisol (stress hormone);
- the production of neurotransmitters responsible for a good mood.
After vigorous physical exercise, people tend to praise themselves for the work they have done, thereby increasing self-esteem and reducing stress levels. At the same time, the electrical activity of the muscles decreases, and the person feels calmer.
How to Become a Calm and Balanced Person: Pexels
General recommendations
If you are an irritable person and are easily angered, then you should reconsider your regime.
- Full sleep. Irritability can be a consequence of regular lack of sleep, so it is important to sleep at least 8 hours a day.
- Minimum caffeine and sugar. It is worth minimizing the amount of these products to maintain water balance in the body.
- Physical exercise. Physical activity helps relieve stress.
- Yoga. Yoga helps you find peace of mind.
- Creation. Creativity allows you to direct your energy in a useful direction.
- Rest. It is important to regularly find time for proper rest to avoid emotional burnout.
These simple recommendations will help you get rid of unnecessary irritability and improve your overall well-being.
