Good manners in tandem with politeness attract much more than good looks or status in society. Therefore, many will want to know what it really means to be a well-mannered person. Neither etiquette lessons nor self-development training will turn an ignoramus into an aristocrat. Noble behavior comes from the heart.
The right attitude and attitude towards people is formed in childhood. Over time, good manners become a habit, affecting every area of an adult's life. Although it is difficult to remain gallant in modern society, it is possible.
Able to show patience
A well-mannered person knows well that patience is a virtue. He is not trying to get everything right now. He knows how true the saying is, “through your patience save your souls.” Adults who have not been taught this by their parents may behave worse in public than a well-behaved three-year-old child. Say, when they have to wait in line at the store. So they try to get ahead without waiting for their time to come.
Good manners presupposes attentiveness, precision and targeting in expressive movements.
When a well-mannered person listens, his face is not frozen, not dead, but attentive, reflecting the state of his partner and promptly expressing those emotions that serve the partner as support and prompt suggestion.
If there is no need to express support and there is no need for operational suggestions, the face of a well-mannered person is calm and neutrally friendly.
Good manners means a certain restraint in expressive movements.
Laughing too loudly and waving arms is not acceptable among well-mannered people.
Another detail in which good manners are demonstrated in expressive movements is their subtlety.
The gestures are beautiful, not with a paw, not with the whole palm, but with living playing fingers, each of which can speak separately. Surprise not by turning the whole body, but by one glance or a raised eyebrow. Subtlety, beauty, aesthetics of every movement are a trait of well-mannered people.
Education and mental health are interconnected. A mentally healthy person acquires good manners more easily; good manners contributes to good mental health.
Author: N.I. Kozlov
Remember to say “please” and “thank you”
There is no excuse for a child to be rude at any age. Experts say parents should be aware of the difference between shyness and bad manners. And stop making excuses for sassy children. The child needs to be taught to say “please” and “thank you” without prompting from adults.
Surely you will be interested to know why kids become selfish, and how this character trait grows with them.
How to become a well-mannered person at any age
Parents have the responsibility to instill good behavior in their children. However, millions grew up in dysfunctional families. Therefore, they wonder how to become a well-mannered person.
Psychologists recommend starting the process of self-improvement with simple things:
- delve into the circumstances of other people and understand their feelings, actions, thoughts;
- adhere to generally accepted standards of behavior;
- control your emotions;
- do not re-educate those around you.
The ability to have a constructive conversation is an important personality trait of a well-mannered person. Comprehensively developed people delight others with their knowledge in various areas of life.
To do this, they are constantly interested in:
- current events;
- science;
- culture;
- movie;
- sports;
- fashion;
- politics;
- social issues;
- the natural world;
- psychology.
The way you speak also plays an important role in your relationships with others. Before you say or do something, it is worth reflecting on the consequences - good or bad. You need to make it a rule: take into account the feelings of strangers.
Self-control will help a well-mannered person not to get irritated when others make mistakes.
Controlling your emotions is not easy, so you need to practice. You need to learn to say “no” to yourself in what is dear to your heart.
Although good manners are not in fashion now, they still have a “magical” effect on others. With their politeness and tact, those who know what it means to be a well-mannered person easily win the favor of strangers. Therefore, leadership in modern society is guaranteed to them.
Able to admit his mistakes
A well-mannered person always knows when he is wrong. And he understands that he needs to peacefully agree with his mistake - without arguing, without shouting or engaging in confrontation. He will admit his mistake and laugh about it.
You need to start raising children from infancy. But it is never too late for an adult to become cultured and educated. We remind you of what parents should teach children under 10 years of age.
You might be interested in how to become a pleasant conversationalist for everyone.
What does it mean to be a well-mannered person in practice?
Harmony between people is achieved when everyone cares about each other's interests. Unfortunately, selfishness has become an integral part of society, so many have forgotten what it means to be a well-mannered person. In the era of the "Me" generation, it has become the norm to show off, filling all the space. Politeness, tact and respect have become “fossils”. But it is precisely these qualities that most often catch your eye when you meet someone. However, good manners should not be confused with shyness and shyness.
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This is what a well-mannered person should really be like:
- come to the rescue immediately;
- respond adequately to force majeure circumstances;
- be a law-abiding citizen;
- be able to carry on a conversation when necessary;
- respect the opinions of others, even if they contradict your own;
- do not interrupt the interlocutor;
- speak to the point, but succinctly;
- avoid offensive speech and inappropriate jokes;
- admit guilt and mistakes.
A well-mannered person is known for punctuality, a responsible attitude to work and resistance to stress. At the same time, he knows how to control himself and restrain his emotions.
In relationships with others, a well-mannered person remains sincere until the very end. Lies, intrigues and hypocrisy are alien to him.
Since such individuals have a high level of self-esteem, they will never:
- appeal to pity;
- to humiliate;
- worry about trifles;
- asking for help inappropriately.
They have enough moral strength to rise from the dust and stand on their feet. Self-sufficiency will help well-mannered people find their calling in life without resorting to meanness and low actions. People are not born with this perception of the world; they learn it.
Delicacy towards others
If a person is well-mannered, he, as a rule, will not point out to others their incorrect behavior. In other words, he will pretend that he does not pay attention to such things as loud sneezing or the unkempt appearance of the interlocutor. But if we are talking about a man, and someone uses foul language in front of his companion, then he is simply obliged to make a remark, otherwise it will be disrespectful to the lady. Needless to say, from a person with a good upbringing one can hardly hear rudeness towards anyone, even people who are unpleasant to him, and there is no question of “decorating” a conversation with obscene phrases.
Good upbringing presupposes an attentive attitude towards others, towards acquaintances and strangers, towards elders and younger ones. This means giving up a seat on a transport to a child or an elderly person, saying “thank you” for any service, even a trivial one, inviting people in line to let a pregnant woman go ahead.
A person who is well-mannered is always pleasant to be around because he tries to understand others and take into account their interests. If guests come to him, and it’s cold or raining outside, he will immediately treat them to tea. When he notices that someone is hot, he suggests opening a window or turning on the air conditioner.
A moral person is a product of moral education
Any education has its ultimate goal. In our case, the goal is a person who has a certain set of qualities, such as kindness, honesty, hard work, generosity, empathy, reliability, and loyalty. Morality is an individual quality for everyone. Each of us brings our own characteristics to this concept. Certain moral qualities are dictated by a person's profession: a soldier must be brave, a doctor and teacher must be kind and humane, a judge must be honest, and a fireman must be selfless.
Goals and objectives of moral education
Is it worth intentionally engaging in moral education? L.S. wrote about this. Vygotsky, arguing that attempts to intentionally teach morality are pointless. Such education should be carried out unnoticed, as if dissolving into everyday life. You cannot educate with a lecture on morality. The best method is the example of parents and teachers. Moral education occurs in the process of watching a film, conversation or reading a story with subsequent analysis of the behavior and feelings of the characters. It is impossible to imagine a special lesson “on morality”; it would be simply ridiculous. When implementing the idea of moral education, the teacher must be able to “dissolve the required portion of educational activity” into the usual educational process. To be able to correctly and clearly organize one’s moral and educational activities so that the child does not know about it, but only feels and absorbs it like a sponge - this is a sign of the teacher’s skill. And the result will be a mature, morally educated person, spiritually rich and mentally resilient - an excellent foundation for our “bright tomorrow.”
Rudeness is a sign of culture level
Talking down to your interlocutor: “Think with your own head.” Boasting, emphasizing your uniqueness, your status, communication not on equal terms.
Public teaching: “Stop whining! You must be ashamed!" Excessive emotions, especially without a serious reason, searching for those to blame, including shouting, indignation, and on the Internet - phrases like “Where did you get that from? Why are you climbing?
Irony and sarcasm are inappropriate in public communication of well-mannered people, as well as manipulation and belittling oneself. It is not nice to publicly discuss the shortcomings of others. Remember that rudeness, even forced, is a sign of your cultural level.
Avoid generalizations
There is a taboo on public criticism, even if it is a conversation between a boss and a subordinate, a client and a company representative. Only criticize if asked.
You cannot evaluate a person in communication: “you are smart, you should” or “you are crazy.” Give up phrases like “you always, you always.” Also avoid any generalizations, including those related to a person’s profession, gender, religion (“all psychologists..., all men..., all bosses..., all people over 50...").
You cannot criticize a person's personal characteristics. It is indecent to discuss nationality, physical characteristics, habits, health, personal relationships.
Do not take criticism of your ideas, statements, or actions as criticism or condemnation of you personally.
Will the grades wait? Psychologist talks about how to help children get into the rhythm of learning Read more
Show respect and courtesy
Respect in society must be earned and, most importantly, not lost in the future. What kind of person is called well-mannered? Someone who is always ready to listen carefully to anyone who turns to him for advice, or at least not to show obvious disdain. Sometimes it's difficult.
Everyone encounters situations when there is neither time nor desire to communicate with a specific person. At such moments, it is very important to deviate from the conversation tactfully so that the interlocutor does not leave an unpleasant aftertaste in his soul.
To be able to follow your interests without offending others is a great art, worthy of understanding and mastering, because it greatly simplifies life and opens up many opportunities.
Raising a “Human” article on the topic
Speech at the IV Intercession Readings
Raising a “Man”
Educates everything: people, things, phenomena,
but first of all and for the longest time - people.
Of these, parents and teachers come first.
Makarenko A. S.
The upbringing of a person begins from the first day of his life. Everything he sees, hears, feels, touches shapes his inner world. The basis for all further development of a child as an individual, first of all, is the family: with its traditions, way of life, and education system. The home environment is the source of life - the beginning of beginnings. The harmonious development of a child is ensured by friendship and love in parental relationships and relationships with loved ones. Communication with parents and adults is of particular importance in the formation of knowledge and life experience. The child develops a need to communicate with others, which becomes the most important source of his diversified development. A child is a mirror of family relationships. The family largely determines the range of his interests and needs, views and value guidelines. The relationships between adult family members leave an indelible mark on the child’s mind much earlier than he begins to realize that he has already developed ideas, tastes, priorities, and habits. Education in family life directly depends on how the relationships between adult family members develop. Therefore, the personal example of parents is one of the necessary conditions for introducing children to family traditions. The example of parents' own behavior is the most effective way to influence a child.
The family is a source of transmission of those traditions that have developed from generation to generation and contributes to the development of the child’s inherent abilities. The family plays a dominant role in the upbringing and development of personality.
The parental family should serve as a prototype for the child's future life structure. The family is called upon not only to pass on spiritual, national and cultural traditions from generation to generation, but, first of all, to perceive and support them.
It must be remembered that a child needs real examples and worthy authorities, and not formal abstract ideologism.
A child spends a significant part of his life in a family. It lays the foundations of the child’s personality. And because of what kind of relationships develop between adults and a child, what examples he sees in front of him, what meaning is put into the concept of “what is good and what is bad” in the family, this will be his worldview on the world around him, this is how he will build relationships in adulthood.
Our children's behavior is a projection of our attitude towards them.
Without the example and guidance of parents, a child loses the ability to develop as a person.
Following the participation of parents and loved ones, social institutions are also included in the upbringing and formation of spiritual and moral values: kindergarten, school, university, etc.
The school is designed to strengthen the child’s personal characteristics, create a favorable environment for his development, teach him to choose the right guidelines in life and resist the pernicious influence of the immoral behavior of others.
Raising a spiritually rich, moral and morally stable personality is the common task of family and school.
The continuity of the traditions of forming a child’s worldview in the family based on love, respect, trust, and honor is the primary task of the school. But, unfortunately, the family is not always a positive example. In the case when the behavior of loved ones is asocial and does not carry sound values, and is aimed more at the decomposition of the personality than at its formation, the school should become the determining factor in the development of the child, which will help form a hierarchy of values, fill the gaps in spiritual and moral education, will instill a love for the traditional family way of life, help social adaptation and form stable life guidelines.
The introduction of the course “Fundamentals of Orthodox Culture” into the general education program helps to turn to the original Russian traditions of raising a spiritually enriched and morally stable individual. Acquaintance with the basics of Orthodox culture reveals knowledge about the culture of human existence, primordially Russian traditions, formed under the influence of the Christian religion, which have a beneficial effect on the moral character of a person. The teacher must be an expert and connoisseur of Russian traditions, convey not only encyclopedic knowledge, but carry spirituality and culture in such a way that the child consciously strives to preserve and strengthen these traditions. This means that you can then believe that the Orthodox principles embedded in the child will help him grow into a strong and spiritually healthy personality.
T.I. Igolnitsyna (social educator, teacher of Orthodox culture)
So what is etiquette?
Etiquette is nothing more than a set of rules and formalities relating to appearance and behavior in the community of that society, which is usually called good, that is, well-mannered.
Here is what Bishop Middleton said: “ Grace and affability in speech are one of the best helpers on the path to success , and many have failed to achieve it, solely because of the lack of good manners.”
Every adult, even one who grew up in an environment where good manners were unheard of, can completely re-educate himself by learning all the rules of social decency.
It has long been noted that a woman is more capable and accessible to external polishing than a man. She imitates easily and very quickly picks up the tone and mannerisms of the people she meets.
The first and best school of polite address, as well as character, is again the family, in which the teacher is a woman. Women are gifted with greater restraint than men and are naturally more affable and graceful.
The Importance of Self-Control
Life does not always flow according to the scenario that we draw in our imagination. Sometimes it drives us into a dead end, causes stress, forces us to leave our comfort zone, but even then we should not lose composure, attributing everything to circumstances.
What kind of person is called well-mannered? Perhaps the one who, having stepped on a cat in a dark corridor, calls it a cat. That is, good manners should not be a mask for you, with the help of which you try to gain the trust of others. They should become the norm, a habit, the only acceptable way of communication.
Even if you didn’t share something with someone, your opinions differed from someone else’s in a dialogue, you are faced with a complete reluctance to take your arguments into account, you should not lose control. In such situations, the best advisor is the voice of reason, as well as previously learned ethical standards, which will help not lead the situation into an even greater dead end.
The rules of a well-mannered person exclude the manifestation of hostility towards other people. You can say that you have a different point of view, but under no circumstances should you make it personal. It is enough to conclude that you are not on the same path and go your separate ways without going into further details.
Good manners criteria: such a different trait
There is a widespread understanding of civility in society, which includes courtesy, restraint, self-control and politeness.
Well-mannered people are far from hysterics and squabbles, do not spread rumors and avoid vulgarity. A well-behaved young man, a true gentleman, a modest and decent lady, a child who respectfully addresses his elders... Everything that was valued three hundred years ago is still in demand today.
This lies on the surface, however, true upbringing is a much deeper concept: only a balance between a person’s beliefs, thoughts, knowledge and his actions gives rise to a harmonious personality.
When words and gestures are one thing, but something else is in the heart, a person literally falls apart into its component parts.
In philosophical reflections, an educated person is seen as a standard of education and moral perfection. This is an intelligent, impeccably behaved individual who seriously cares about ethics and morality.
Usually good manners are characteristic of decent, highly moral, tolerant and altruistic individuals. It is difficult to meet an egoist and a scoundrel with this vital trait. But this is not an immutable rule: the world has seen thousands of well-mannered thieves, deceivers and lazy people!
The goals of education - is it necessary for society or the individual?
Now we understand what education is, but why should we educate children? What is the point of this event? At the moment, there are two concepts of the purpose of education.
The pragmatic concept (by the way, followed by the United States) assumes that the purpose of education is survival.
That is, society must educate socially effective, responsible and law-abiding citizens so that they can successfully get along with each other and think together about how to live further. Maybe that's why Americans are so calm, smiling and friendly?
The second concept is humanistic, which “sees” as its goal the organization of such conditions that will help the individual develop talents and express his “I”.
Some pundits quite seriously said that education itself in the form that currently exists is meaningless and needs to be abolished in order to give a person the opportunity to develop naturally, without interfering with his true nature.
The first concept prioritizes the interests of society (in the USA, these are the interests of capitalists who receive an obedient herd), the second - the individual. Which one is more effective and correct is unknown. At least this question is still raised in the scientific community.
