Anger, irritation, anger, shame, sadness and rage - the list of emotions that greatly complicate our lives is quite long. However, negativity can be dealt with using simple methods. How to do this, says Maria Heinz, author of the book “Positive Time Management. How to manage to be happy"
There are internal and external sources of negative emotions. External ones are crime chronicles, negative news, people filled with anger and hatred. How to deal with such sources of negative emotions? Put a barrier at the entrance to them: do not turn on negative programs, read news in printed form (they have less emotional impact), limit communication with people who pour out negativity if possible. If these emotions nevertheless penetrate into life, they can be neutralized. In the perception of negative events, internal assessment plays a large role, and it strongly depends on the physical state. If you feel increasing dissatisfaction and irritation, turn to your body and try to determine what it is missing - perhaps you will find the answer here. If it’s just a matter of emotions, then the following methods will help.
The easiest way
The easiest way to deal with negative emotions is to deprive them of the energy they receive from your thoughts and attention. If you manage to switch to something else, the emotions will quickly fade away. For example, if some device does not work, everything inside us begins to boil. At this moment, you need to transfer your attention to something else, the easiest way is to breathe. It is always with us, and it is easy to concentrate on it. Some people find it easier to count to ten - this works great at the beginning of the boil. If the cause of negative emotions is deeply hidden, other methods will help.
How to learn to enjoy life every day: every situation is good
Just as every person has pleasant and not so pleasant traits, so every situation contains positive and negative. And you choose which side to pay your attention to. To learn to enjoy life every day, admire the bright side.
Since childhood, we have been taught to see the dark side of the coin. But, as you can judge from your life, this approach is not very constructive. So re-educate yourself.
If you are faced with a difficult and unpleasant situation, ask yourself: “Hmm, I wonder what good this situation brings for me? What miracles will it lead me to?”
Remember how many times something happened that seemed to you just a collapse, a real disaster. And then it turned out that without this you wouldn’t have something wonderful. Childbirth is difficult, but how wonderful it is to nurse your baby afterwards.
The people are wise, it’s not for nothing that they say “There would be no happiness, but misfortune would help.”
From the position of a victim to the position of a student
If troubles come into life, we sometimes ask ourselves: “Why?”, “Why do I need this?” This way of asking the question reflects the position of the victim, creates a negative attitude and takes away our strength. Self-pity and hatred of others fill the mind, which switches from solving a problem to expressing emotions. Thoughts are unproductive and spin in circles. You can break this circle by switching from the position of a victim to the position of a student. Ask yourself these questions: What is this teaching me? What should I learn to solve the problem? In this case, we direct our energy to solving the problem, and not to generating negative emotions.
The origins of this method are in Eastern philosophy. It is suitable in many situations. In case of loss of loved ones or other sad events, you need to give yourself time. In any case, mourning a loss is a normal way for anyone to emotionally cope with grief. If your own resources are not enough to come to your senses and adapt to the new situation, it is better to consult a psychologist.
Become aware of the false beliefs that shape your life
No one becomes an adult without “scars.” We live in a chaotic world that is beyond our control. Parents are getting divorced. Friends betray us. People often judge solely by their appearance: having acne or being overweight can be a reason for people to hate you. There is death, loneliness and internal scars that never fully heal.
Some start using alcohol and drugs. This is the only thing that can give them a shake and make them feel at least something. They call it “adjusting to an unjust world.” But in reality it is a form of escape. They will run, hide and be in the company of other people as little as possible.
Another version of the development of events is also possible: you enter adulthood and the countdown begins. Test results. University. Relationship. Interview. Fight for the best place in the office. Marriage. Children. Mortgage. Expectations. Depression. And, of course, eternal fear. You are hiding from life. All the “main action” begins to take place in your head, because it is safe there and no one can disturb you. This causes you to form a ton of false beliefs that snowball.
The above are two of the most categorical examples, however, if you do not find yourself in them, this does not mean that there are no false beliefs in your life. Here are the most common examples of common misconceptions.
I will never do anything great. I will never fall in love. I'll never be happy. I'm worthless. I owe everything to my parents. I can't. I will always have problems. I'm a victim. I'm not strong enough. If I'm not rich, no one will love me. I'm unattractive. If I don't earn this much money or achieve a certain status, I won't be able to become a good husband, dad, person, etc.
All false beliefs are directly manifested in our behavior. They determine the choices we make in work, relationships, how we communicate with parents, friends, colleagues. False beliefs influence every decision we make in life. They block many of our aspirations by telling us that we are not worthy.
Think about what your false beliefs are about love, work, people, your body, creativity, life in general? What can and cannot you actually do? What do you think you deserve?
Repeat again all the false beliefs you just listed. Now think about how your life would change if you got rid of them? Who would you be? What kind of people would surround you? What would you do with your life? Would your life be different from what it is now?
"I'm always right, even if I'm wrong"
Every person wants to be right.
This is fine. We need to understand that this is the norm not only in relation to ourselves, but also in relation to other people. There is no need to take away their right to express their own opinions. In everyday life, the desire to be right leads to many negative situations and emotions, especially in the relationships of spouses, parents and children. There are many paths to the goal. If we have found one way, this does not mean that another person will not find theirs. The main thing in this case is a flexible internal attitude: “I know how I would do it, but another person can do it differently.”
Determine the condition of your “aquarium”
It's simple. You either live or die. There is no third.
You are fixated on the future. Constantly thinking about the past. There is no way you can say goodbye to a relationship that has been gone for a long time. You eat all kinds of crap. Don't sleep well. Obsessed with problems. You are always dissatisfied with something, annoying everyone around you, including yourself. Your days are one of continuous struggle and resistance. You are sick of what surrounds you, life for you is an analogue of prison. For you, hope is as much a myth as Santa Claus. You are a consumer, not a creator.
Or.
You create, develop yourself and the people around you. You only build relationships that are important to you and that enrich you. You eat healthy. Listen to yourself. Express your opinion. You dream. You are not choked by fear. You look great, you get up in the morning feeling like you got enough sleep. You sincerely love and know how to forgive. Live in the present. You try to find something good in what surrounds you and in the people who are near you. Don't chase mirages. Create. Your “aquarium” is clean. You are truly living.
Which of these two descriptions did you find the most similarities with your life? Maybe both? Your “aquarium” may have been dirty at one time, but it is cleaner now. Or, on the contrary, now it is dirtier than ever. Your own thoughts determine how polluted your “aquarium” is.
One mistake rule
For daily negative situations, the one mistake rule is suitable. Allow yourself and other loved ones to make one mistake a day. One mistake is not so much, everyone has the right to it. This rule will help you be less critical of yourself and other people. If you dropped or forgot something, say: “I have the right to make a mistake.” For children, the number of errors should correspond to their age (the younger, the more).
When I play a board game with my children (ages three and five) that has a lot of small pieces, the pieces periodically fly under the table. Previously, after some time, I began to ask the children to be more careful, but they still dropped parts. In order not to experience unnecessary negative emotions, I decided to count how many times during half an hour of play they would drop something. It turned out - 27 times. That is, this is the normal average number of “errors” for my children. I allowed them to make mistakes 30 times in half an hour of play. Since then, every time they start dropping parts of the game, I just count. I have never reached thirty yet, nor have I ever reached negative emotions.
How to get rid of negative people
In addition to their own internal negative experiences, people are influenced by external factors, incidents, and people. And if it is not clear how to get rid of the negativity in life brought by random events, then there are several ways to deal with the negativity brought by very specific people.
First of all, identify those who drain their negativity into you - maybe quite clearly, and you will be surprised at this advice, but there are times when people do not perceive a person negatively, their energy simply disappears, their head starts to hurt, their level of anxiety or tension increases, or perhaps a feeling of danger arises or blood pressure rises. Any changes in the emotional or physical sphere in the presence of a certain person nearby are warning signs about negativity directed in your direction.
Monitor the person’s motivation; if he uses any means to shake out an emotional reaction from you in order to feed himself, then try not to answer anything, smile and ask him to tell you something positive. Such tactics do not allow a person to feed off of you, point out to him his own shortcomings, but it can negatively affect you if you do it through force, when you yourself are already hooked and the emotional reaction is in motion. To prevent this from happening, you can try one of the visualization techniques to isolate yourself from the negativity of others, imagining the flow of a waterfall between you or a bright light surrounding and protecting you, you can reduce your opponent to tiny sizes - your imagination, where your rules apply, will help you choose the desired image or come up with an effective one of your own.
People who do not generate, but live off, your psychic energy need to be torn away from their own emotions, but since they are not able to generate energy on their own when you try to ignore them, efforts to gain your attention will intensify. This is a difficult struggle, where you are not in an advantageous position, since the person is used to receiving a certain dose of reactions from you and knows your characteristics, so he will not ignore any methods, even the most painful ones for you. There is only one way out - not to give up positions, to pretend to be an empty barrel, incapable of reaction, such a half-zombie, uninteresting and unpromising in terms of emotional development.
If you have the opportunity to analyze the situation without direct participation in it, then take a closer look at how a person who is currently bringing negativity can be useful to you. Since any trait can be used from the right perspective, your task is to discern it and direct it in a direction that is useful and not destructive for you. Also, in order to be less likely to be exposed to negativity from people, assess the situation in advance - when entering a room, slow down to assess the emotional state of those present by facial expressions and gestures, and then, by navigating the situation, you will be able to more competently build communication and, if necessary, defense.
Is it really that important?
Another simple way to deal with negative feelings is to emotionally distance yourself from what is happening.
For example, you were late for the bus and now you don’t have time for work. Try to look at this situation as if a week has passed. In seven days you won't even remember what happened today! If you take a year or five years, those things that now seem so important will not be so significant at all. Sometimes it is enough to watch an energizing film, talk to a person, read an excerpt from a book in order to emotionally distance yourself from what is happening and “reboot”.
How to remove bad thoughts from your head: does the environment help or not?
To remove bad thoughts from your mind, be aware of your surroundings.
Answer honestly: does your environment contribute to your well-being?
What do you usually talk about with your loved ones, friends, acquaintances? Grinding bones is a negative thing. Discussion of TV news too. Do yourself a favor and don't engage in these types of conversations.
A person always feels whether certain people have a good or bad influence on his life. Those around whom you feel joy, inspiration and spiritual comfort help you. But if you internally shrink with someone, become embittered, or act sarcastic (even if it seems interesting to you) - such communication is harmful.
Delegating tasks that cause negative emotions
Delegation is one of the main time management tools. To be able to do what only you can do (which is your calling and area of happiness), you need to delegate those tasks that others can do.
In positive time management, an important criterion for delegation is if the task not only takes time, but also brings negative emotions. For example, when delegating household chores, you conduct an audit: I willingly prepare food and wash dishes, my husband has nothing against putting things in their places and doing laundry. None of us likes washing floors and vacuuming. This task can be delegated to a housekeeper.
How to learn to enjoy life: how you talk about yourself
Every person thinks about himself. In what way are you used to doing this?
If you constantly poke your nose at your mistakes and shortcomings, quit this activity. Does it please you? Hardly. So why are you doing this? Are you used to it? Well, nothing is permanent in this world, and habits can be changed.
Write down all your positive qualities on a piece of paper. Learn them. And with pleasure, celebrate for yourself every moment when you showed the good that is in you.
It would also be great to include affirmations. Make up your own or find short positive statements on the Internet. Learn them too. And repeat often.
You can find examples of my favorite powerful affirmations in this article (opens in a new window).
Pray or meditate
The mind can easily be thrown out of control by sudden negative thoughts. Positive people know that if they don't control their thoughts, they will lose control of their actions and behavior. For this reason, they practice mind control, for example through meditation.
Meditation or prayer is a way to activate your internal healing system. You will calm your spirit by becoming emotionally stable and physically strong. It will also help you to perceive yourself better and become wiser. Visit a holy place, consult a priest or spiritual teacher. Read holy books or healing mantras to convince your spirit to let go of negativity. This is an incredibly effective step to heal yourself and clear your conscience of negative thoughts and energies.
According to your faith it will be given to you.
You have to believe that you can overcome negativity. Without faith, you won't be able to change your thoughts.
Believe in yourself, even if you feel completely helpless and useless. These negative thoughts are just temporary obstacles and, for the most part, far-fetched.
How optimism changes life for the better
“Before, I didn’t know how to enjoy life at all. I took my achievements for granted, did not appreciate the people who were next to me - I always suspected them of self-interest. I didn’t waste time on “stupid” dreams - they still wouldn’t come true. And then I began to get so tired of dark thoughts. I thought: how long can you not trust the world so much? Is it really true that every single person only thinks about how to take advantage of me? Why do I forbid myself so much? I have a lot of opportunities, I can achieve whatever I want. In general, it was as if a veil had been lifted. I rethought my whole life, established relationships with people, fell in love with myself - and my career immediately took off, and in general life became more interesting. And soon I’m going to Italy for a whole month. I will eat pizza every day, walk through the ruins of the Colosseum and visit the best boutiques in Milan - everything I dreamed of as a child. Now I can give a whole lecture on how to think positively and why it is necessary.”
— Sofia, 36 years old
“Today you are where yesterday’s thoughts took you, and tomorrow you will be where today’s thoughts take you.” This quote is attributed to many historical figures, but no matter who said it, its essence is beyond doubt. You are what you think. Your whole life is the result of your thoughts. Thoughts determine feelings, feelings determine actions, and actions determine how life turns out. This means that in order to change your life, you must first change your thinking. [2]
Optimism helps you do the right thing and respond positively to what life offers. It does not guarantee one hundred percent success, but it allows you to at least take a step towards it. After all, to win the lottery, you need to at least buy a ticket. And many pessimists do not even take this seemingly obvious step.
The positive impact of positive thinking on success is obvious. But not everyone thinks about the fact that optimism can improve health. Meanwhile, scientists have conducted experiments many times and each time found that positively thinking people actually feel much better than pessimists. In particular, they have:
- Depression is less common;
- lower stress levels;
- longer life expectancy;
- higher body resistance to infections;
- Cardiovascular diseases are less common.
And in general, optimists cope much better with life's challenges and have a higher quality of life. Most likely, the matter is in “happiness hormones”, which are produced in large quantities and better protect the body. Therefore, each of us needs to know how to be positive.
The most important thing is to remember that we have the ability to control our own thinking. We choose how to approach life. And it's never too late to influence your mind and your behavior to change your whole life.
Stay away from people who complain a lot about life and are unhappy with it
Is it contagious. These people project their negative emotions onto others.
Sigmund Freud said something wonderful: “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not surrounded by idiots.” These are the words of a great psychologist.
Such people cannot control their thoughts, and they throw out the negativity of their rich and unhappy imagination on successful people in order to upset their lives too.
When you encounter negative people, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, think of someone for whom you feel the most attention and love. This will allow you to curb the negative thoughts that arise every time you meet a person who evokes negative emotions in you.
Surround yourself with positive people. This will allow you to get rid of negative energies transmitted by other people. Spend time with people who are happy, and full of humor and joy. Positive people find the good side in any problem and, being mentally tuned to success, achieve it.
"Jig-jump"
No, this exercise is not the dance of the Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. Although it looks a little like him. By the way, one of the statements of this hero of the famous fairy tale by Lewis Carroll served as the epigraph to the article:
Solution Techniques: Unleash Your Creativity!
The exercise is simple.
Get some privacy, turn on rhythmic music, maybe not too loud. And start dancing. But! Dance uncultured!
Let it be a primitive dance with its chaos of impetuous movements, self-forgetfulness and the dominance of nature.
Let go of the body. Catch the rhythm of the music. Let the body move the way it wants, as its ancient instincts dictate.
Most likely, you will have the need to scream and make some sounds. Don't interfere, let it be so.
After all, you are alone at home, and let your neighbors be patient. If they hear anything at all.
Are you really going to act as an eternal container for your own negativity for the sake of their peace of mind and for the sake of their good opinion of you? Spit on them and dance!
This exercise is great for helping you get rid of muscle tension, throw out resentment, fear, aggression and other negativity that has been accumulating in you for years.
Don't try to gain complete control over everything.
In modern society, people live at a very fast pace and because of this they are often under stress, which depresses them. Every person wants to do too much in this life, and worries about what he cannot control. Don't focus your attention on these thoughts, rather focus on what you can really change for the better. Enjoy life and other wonderful things. Anxiety will not affect the outcome of the action, but it will make you worry about those emotions.
Smile and laugh more often
Start your day with a smile. Go to the mirror and look at yourself with a cheerful smile. You will immediately feel a lift in your mood. Don't take yourself too seriously or you'll end up missing out on the fun times in life.
Laughter helps us improve our mood. Watch funny comedies more often to relax and not take life too seriously.
If you can learn to laugh at yourself and your mistakes, life will offer you different experiences that will make you happy.
Lead an active lifestyle
An active lifestyle is an integral part of our physical well-being. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which make you feel calm and happy. These hormones even relieve pain and improve blood circulation in the body. Feel in harmony with your body. Exercising reduces the number of negative thoughts in your mind. Stay fit and healthy by doing regular exercise, such as yoga to strengthen your abdominal muscles. This healthy need for your body to be active will help you become happier.
Visit a bathhouse or sauna. The steam will cleanse the body and help get rid of negative energies. A bath with sea water also has a cleansing effect. Acupuncture, massage, and healthy eating can also help.
Swim in the pool or lake, or take a shower. The water will clear all the negativity from your body, leaving you with a positive aura and a fresh start.
