The unknown scares us, or at least makes us wary. We are afraid of what we do not know and what we are not familiar with. We are afraid of a new boss, changes in traffic rules, strangers on the street, unusual situations. But change is inevitable. Moreover, change is the only constant in the life of every person. To feel more confident and live in a constantly changing world in comfort and tranquility, you just need to learn to consciously decide to change and react steadily to all those events that we cannot predict, but which happen one way or another. “It’s easier to write than to do,” you might think, and you’ll be absolutely right. But you have to learn how to do it. Therefore, today the How to Green portal expert Bela Vakhanelova will talk about six simple practices that will help you overcome your fear of the unknown and the need for change.
Learn to focus on the present moment of your life
Repeatedly replaying events from the past in our heads, as well as dreams about the future, deprive us of the opportunity to live in the present moment and adequately assess current events. This is often the reason for self-doubt and, as a result, fear of change. Learn to feel yourself online. Don't think about what happened and what will happen, collect your thoughts and start living now. One of the most accessible ways to learn to concentrate on the present moment is to include sports in your life. Moreover, do not choose activities with repetitive movements such as running or swimming, during which you can easily become lost in thought. Give preference to what requires constant monitoring of your actions. For example, dynamic yoga, dancing, Thai boxing. Such activities will teach you not to be distracted by your “mental mixer” in your head, but to concentrate on the present moment. A useful skill that you can transfer into your everyday life.
Help from a psychologist
Some people turn to psychologists for help in dealing with their fears. How to get rid of the fear of change is the task of a specialist. An experienced psychologist will teach the patient to act constructively and respond correctly to certain circumstances. In addition, it is important to learn to control your own psycho-emotional state in order to be able to survive the fight against a phobia in an emergency situation.
Psychological counseling and psychocorrection
Before getting rid of neophobia, you need to undergo psychological preparation.
The work of a specialist is often based on artificial modeling of changes in the patient’s life. The doctor monitors the patient’s condition and finds out the main factors that cause fear. After long-term intensive training, a person gets used to new roles and becomes less susceptible to psycho-emotional stress.
The problem of neophobia is based on difficulties with adaptation, so a specialist can recommend the opposite method to his patient. There are many examples of the implementation of this method in life. If a man:
- If you are used to brushing your teeth holding a brush in your right hand, you should try brushing your teeth with your left hand;
- prefers to get to work by transport, then he should choose to walk;
- likes to watch comedy films in the evenings, it is necessary to give preference to the least favorite genre;
- prefers to wear one style of clothing, he should dress in something that has been gathering dust in the closet for a long time (an old suit, shirt, sweater, etc.).
All these actions force a person to adapt to new conditions that he sets for himself. There is self-knowledge and training of one’s own psyche to act within a certain framework of dissatisfaction, in the absence of a comfort zone.
Psychologists also advise their patients to engage in autogenic training. Always and everywhere be able to relax, concentrate on your own state and “disconnect” from the outside world. At home, all these problems can be solved with a relaxing warm bath, a mug of your favorite tea or reading a book. But, if a person is outside his comfort zone, he cannot do without autogenic training.
Sitting on a park bench or at your workplace, you should relax your body muscles as much as possible without thinking about problems. Such actions will not only reduce the likelihood of fear, but will also contribute to the disappearance of its signs - lowering blood pressure, normalizing sweating and breathing. A person begins to think soberly and assess the current situation, which will allow him to overcome all difficulties with dignity.
Process negative emotions from your past
Experience is the only thing that can be learned from the past, thereby helping the future. But unprocessed negative experience, filled with negative emotions (primarily old grievances and anger) is a bad help. It prevents you from changing and moving forward. For example, resentment towards your ex-husband or boyfriend, who left you and went to someone else, does not allow you to build a new relationship with a man. There are a huge number of different techniques that help to work through negative emotions from the past. This is often not easy to do, and old grievances can rarely be removed in one go. But it's worth working on them. You will remove those barriers that inhibit changes in your life, projecting emotions and fears of the past onto the present and thereby preventing you from being happy in the future.
Signs of neophobia
Neophobes are afraid of the uncertainty that awaits them after some important event in life or some difficult situation. Signs of neophobia appear before a certain event, in restless anticipation of changes in life. In addition to the feeling of fear itself, which a person can define himself, signs of such a condition can also be somatic in nature. The most common symptoms of neophobia are:
- increased blood pressure;
- the appearance of shortness of breath;
- muscle weakness;
- absent-mindedness;
- loss of concentration;
- increased sweating.
In addition, often as a result of neophobia, a person’s fingertips go numb, the body temperature rises, he feels dizzy and has a headache, and has digestive problems. To determine the main reasons for the appearance of such signs, you will have to overcome many doubts about whether all these symptoms are signs of other diseases of a viral or infectious nature.
Manifestations of neophobia
A good example of neophobia is anticipating the birth of a child. From the time a girl finds out that she is pregnant, she immediately begins to “try on” new roles, personal and social. But most often, if the pregnancy was unplanned, the woman experiences fear that her life will no longer be the same. Fear of uncertainty, a new and unfamiliar future, leads to stress, which manifests itself as follows: mood swings, aggression, desire to abandon the child, etc. This condition can even cause a nervous breakdown.
Remember that it is never too late to change something in your life
Sometimes we block desired changes in our lives because we are sure that it is too late to change anything. This is especially true for unfulfilled desires. But in fact, it's never too late to change something in your life. Since childhood we dreamed of becoming a ballerina and performing on stage in a white tutu and pointe shoes - go ahead. Even at 60 years old, no one is stopping you from enrolling in body ballet courses and getting up to the barre. Who knows, maybe your desire will be so great that in a year you will take part in an amateur performance and dance on stage. There are plenty of examples in history when a person radically changed his life, even if everyone around him was sure that it was too late. Remember: it's never too late!
“I liked to imagine myself as a serious girl in a suit and with a suitcase in my hands”
I was constantly confused about the choice of profession: in elementary school I wanted to be a cook and fashion designer, after watching the TV series “Secrets of the Investigation” I wanted to be a detective, and then even a dentist. Already in high school, I became interested in psychiatry and sciences related to the functioning of the brain. However, all this also faded into the background when it came time to choose a profile to prepare for exams. I had difficulties with mathematics and chemistry, so I went to the socio-economic direction, where there is a lot of social studies and history.
My family is full of lawyers, so at one point I decided to choose the simplest and most understandable path for myself: to also become a lawyer. My parents didn’t insist on this, and my father even asked me several times if I really wanted this. I didn't really feel like I had any desire to study law, but I liked imagining myself as a serious girl in a suit and carrying a suitcase.
I felt comfortable in this story, thought out to the smallest detail: I’m studying to become a lawyer, my dad, if anything, helps me with internships, I get a job, I get a lot of money.
Many people even then said that my character did not fit well with jurisprudence: I was too dreamy, sensitive, and empathic. It was unpleasant to hear this, so I tried to ignore such arguments: the plan was already thought out and seemed quite successful. Deep down, I even liked to create a feeling of dissonance in people: a cute petite girl and such a serious profession.
Moving to Moscow in this story became an obligatory step for me. I was obsessed with the capital from the age of 15, because I knew that there were better jobs, high salaries and the opportunity to separate from my parents. I needed all this, because I considered myself a real careerist. I imagined coming to my dorm room, studying the laws with a glass of wine, managing to combine study with work, and by the age of 40, earning a lot of money and starting to travel.
I was like Scrooge McDuck with dollars in my eyes. I liked to think that I would go to Moscow and be involved in something more prestigious than everyone else.
Don't tolerate things that cause you discomfort.
Fear of change often forces us to put up with uncomfortable conditions. The main fear is that it will suddenly get even worse. For this reason, people work for years in a job they don’t like, live with tyrants or in a place that is uncomfortable for them. Remember that a chronic stressful state negatively affects not only your mood, but also your health, provoking many serious diseases. If you're not ready to make a big decision, take a break. For example, take a vacation from a job you don’t like and try to work somewhere else during this time. Go on vacation with a friend or on your own to understand how much you need to stay in a relationship with a person with whom you are uncomfortable. Rent another place and live in it for at least a week to decide whether the problem is really in the wrong place. Such a time-out from the source of discomfort will allow you to look at the situation from the outside, weigh the pros and cons, and, perhaps, make a decision for yourself.
Don't be afraid to take responsibility for changes in your own life
Often, inaction and doubt are due to the fact that we cannot fully accept responsibility for the consequences of imminent decisions. Discussions of prospects with family and friends in such a situation often have a tinge of shifting this responsibility and a subconscious desire to gain approval for one’s actions. Therefore, when analyzing the pros and cons of a new place of work or department at a university, do not forget that this is your life, so you are the one who makes the final decision. This means that only you can decide in which direction to move. Don’t wait for approval and support from anyone: the first successful results will give you confidence in your abilities. Looking at your passion and desire to implement your idea, you will have not only those who will support you, but also those who may follow your example.
“Unified State Exam tests have become as much fun for me as crossword puzzles”
To enter the law school, I had to pass three subjects: Russian language, social studies and history. In addition to them, I also chose specialized mathematics - my teacher insisted on this. I prepared for the exams without tutors, because I had enough perseverance, motivation and work with school teachers. Unified State Exam tests have become as much entertainment for me as crossword puzzles on the train. There was no need to force me to prepare because I myself understood the importance of getting high scores.
I wasn't worried before the Unified State Exam. Six months before the exams, I started dating a guy and felt euphoric. Of course, I was a little nervous, but Nikita calmed me down. During the trial exams, I completed the tasks of the first part in 7 minutes, and the second in just 30 minutes.
I was as confident as possible in my knowledge and internally felt that everything would be fine. In the end, I actually passed the exams very well.
In all subjects, I lost a few points due to inattention, but overall the result was quite high: Russian language - 96 points, social studies - 86 points, history - 96 points. I passed mathematics with 72 points, but upon admission it was not useful to me at all. I applied to several universities at once and got through almost all of them on a budget, but chose Moscow State Law University named after. O. E. Kutafina. So in September 2021 I became a student.
Consider any change in your life as a positive one.
There is absolutely no point in living in fear of events that we cannot control and cannot predict. Remember that only we ourselves decide what kind of change this or that change will be in our life - positive or negative. It is important to understand that everything that happens in life helps us become a little different, and only we decide whether these changes will be positive or negative. In Reality Transurfing there is a very well-working method - “Coordination of Intent”. Its meaning is to consider any event, no matter what it is, as positive. After all, how you intend to view it is how it will end up. And the most negative (at first glance) will turn out to be positive if you sincerely believe in it.
Understand the reasons for fear
Are you afraid to leave your comfort zone? It's quite normal. To overcome inner unrest, you need to understand the cause of your fears. What are the most common reasons?
- Rumors of change. A person who has heard about the failures of others will think that misfortune will befall him too if he tries to improve his existence. Everyone knows that the best is the enemy of the good. People are afraid of losing what they have and not getting what they dream of.
- Lack of self-confidence. People with low self-esteem are afraid to change their lives because they think that they won’t succeed. Is this logical? There is no point in being afraid of the future. If you don't try to improve your existence, you will regret missed opportunities all your life.
- Uncertainty about the future. Stability seduces many people. A comfortable life allows a person to make plans for the future. If a person does not have stability, he is afraid that things will get worse. Uncertainty is scary.
- Disregard for values. A person is afraid to change and change his worldview. But if you stand in one place all the time, you will not develop in any way. Don't be afraid to lose yourself. There is no need to compromise your values, but from time to time you just need to reconsider your views on this life.
Start changing your life with the interior
Big changes often start small. Do you want something new in life? Get rid of old and unnecessary interior items, associating each of them with a stage or event in life that you intend to say goodbye to once and for all. Complete your interior with inspiring details for a happier life. Don't forget about a comfortable office environment. Such changes will definitely benefit you and inspire you to new accomplishments.
It happens that the need for change comes before our willingness to accept these changes is born. The lack of a clear plan and backup option should not be scary and become a hindrance. Even if the prospects are not clear to you now, you should not give up the opportunity for qualitative changes because of this. The main thing is to follow the desires and dreams that lead us forward. Be open to new knowledge and experience, and change will no longer cause you fear, but will become a natural part of your life.
Tags: psychology fears motivation
“When I found out the exam results, I cried continuously for two days”
The second time at the Unified State Exam, I was much more worried. I no longer felt that I knew everything down to the smallest detail. I came home after the exam upset: I felt like I had failed. For admission, I needed a high score - 90 or higher, but I only got 78. When I found out the results, I cried continuously for two days. For me this is very little, so I despised myself.
Mathematics also did not become my strong point. I haven’t liked it since school and started actively preparing only a month in advance. It turned out so-so, and during the exam there were also problems with some tricks. In the end, I passed only two points higher than the last time, and was very upset because I expected more.
It is not difficult to guess that based on the results of the Unified State Exam, the chance to enter the Higher School of Economics on a budget was lost.
My dad supported me and said that he would pay for my education. Now he approves of my choice, although he was skeptical before. He changed his mind because I systematically talked to him and explained that I was not going to a vocational school or studying something useless. This education is a really important step for me. In addition, psychologists can build an excellent career and earn good money - this was important to my father.
Coming to terms with the fact that I would be pursuing my education on a commercial basis turned out to be the most difficult thing. At first I entered law school with high scores, and then fell down from the heights of my conceit. It’s very unpleasant to realize that I depend on my dad and burden him with paying for my education. It’s annoying, but I got a 50% discount and now I’m trying to increase it or switch to a budget.
