How to forget your husband’s betrayal and improve the “weather in the house” ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov

How amazing is human memory! From all the information that comes her way, she chooses not what seems important to a person, but only what she herself needs. Indeed, not everyone will be able to repeat the birth dates of their colleagues, but certainly no wife will forget her husband’s infidelity, no matter how much she might like it. What mistakes made by a woman can lead to adultery? How to forget your husband's betrayal? You will find answers to these questions in this article.
From this article you will learn:

What mistakes do women make that make their husband cheat?
What does unforgiven betrayal of a husband lead to?
When is it really worth to forgive and forget your husband’s betrayal?
How to forget your husband’s betrayal if you decide to forgive

What mistakes do women make that make their husband cheat?

If you can’t forget about your husband’s betrayal, then you’ve probably been going over the reasons for the current situation in your head. Have you seen them in your behavior? Or do you know exactly what you did wrong? Anyway, let's check it out.

Jealousy.

The more jealousy is present in a relationship, the more desire to cheat arises. Imagine a dog who lives on a chain: how beautiful the rest of the world seems to him, how he wants to study it. And now he manages to free himself. It is unlikely that the dog will behave rationally: most likely, it will start running without stopping, demolishing objects, biting people, while raising its tail high. Now imagine a man who went on a business trip from a home that was cramped in all respects. Do you feel the similarity?

The dog guarding the house loves him with all his heart, even if no one is keeping him on a chain. He will not leave him and will not go for a walk far, because the door to his native abode may be closed.

Of course, it is difficult to completely eliminate jealousy from a relationship. But you can show it in different ways: put on a heavy chain and put it in a booth, or put warm food on the porch and don’t forget to pet it sometimes.

Lack of incentives.

There is also a downside: a lack of not only jealousy, but also attention and care. Detachment can attract a man at the initial stage of a relationship, awaken his desire to conquer you and break the ice. But if this becomes impossible, the man gets tired of fighting. He wants to receive love in return and finds it with another woman with whom there is no struggle or obstacles. Don't forget to stimulate your man and show him how important he is to you. Then you won’t have to ask a psychologist for advice on how to forget your husband’s infidelity and save your family.

Intimate talk

This is what you both need after a family tragedy. When you meet, appear before him as a dazzling beauty with an ideal figure, perhaps in an unusual way. Even if I thought about breaking up, when I see you, I should change my mind.

It is during a conversation that you can understand what is preventing your marriage from being ideal. You can have the first conversation after a temporary separation on neutral territory, for example, in a cafe over a cup of coffee. This way, you will be less likely to lose yourself in emotions, especially negative ones, and begin to sort things out. Conduct your conversation correctly.

Rule one. We only talk about the topic. We do not remember all past grievances in bulk, discussing only the current issue. And not in the sense that “what a bastard you are,” but about the specific offense of a loved one.

Rule two. We don’t use our eternal “You’re always like this” or “You’ve never...”. Only relevant and today.

Rule three. On the topic of his betrayal, we talk exclusively with a cool head, and in every sense. If your emotions get the better of you, it’s better to go outside for a while.

Rule four. You cannot insult not only your husband, but also his passion. This will hit your ego even harder than your tantrums. At the same time, it is important to show that you are upset by his misconduct.

Rule four. You can kill him with silence. In reasonable quantities, of course. When there is an opportunity to have a constructive and reasonable dialogue, do not miss it.

During the conversation, try to find out from him what he was missing in your relationship and what exactly he was looking for on the side. Be sure to use this information when further working on yourself and your relationships.

In general, if you discuss any problems and do not be shy, then many family tragedies can be avoided. This needs to be done not only after cheating, but throughout your entire family life.

How to increase self-esteem?

Let's use men as an example. How can a man improve his self-esteem? For example, if a man grows in his career and business, then his self-esteem also grows. He becomes more courageous, more self-confident. Why? Because he understands that the more successful he is, the more valuable he is, in principle, to many people. And his condition changes because of this.

Many girls also resort to this when pursuing a career or business. But it is important to understand, yes, self-esteem from a career or business can also grow higher, but this is not a woman’s self-esteem, this is a person’s self-esteem. And often a woman can be confident in work, in business, but often nonsense happens in life. And often there is such a dissonance that she is successful in her career and business, but not in relationships. It's different for women. A woman's self-esteem greatly depends on the quality of her relationships with men.

This is how the world works. This does not mean that you should bow down to someone or try. No. This means that you must first establish a relationship with yourself. These are the most important relationships you need to establish. And when you establish them, your relationships with men will also improve. Until you have established a relationship with yourself, you want to manipulate, you want to pretend to be someone you are not, and you attract the same men who pretend to be someone they are not. And you and each other have hard sex in the brain. If you are satisfied with this, then continue in the same spirit, if you are not satisfied with this, ask yourself more often the question: what is my plan, what do I really want and what am I doing or not doing for this. Am I moving exactly towards my goals and desires or am I marking time.

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Is it worth breaking up forever?

Very often in women's magazines they write that divorce is the worst option. Yes, breaking up has always been and remains a difficult thing. In fact, if you feel that you will never be able to forgive your husband’s betrayal, it is better to separate. The family will turn into hell: your suspicions and surveillance of your husband, evil jealousy, etc. will turn you into a paranoid and a real Baba Yaga, and your husband will respond to your aggression with aggression.

It is worth breaking up even if he is a womanizer and does not repent. It is generally contraindicated for such a person to start a family.

It’s also worth breaking up if he doesn’t value you and feels great without you. Do you need such a husband? Do you like this attitude towards yourself?

If you decide to break up completely and irrevocably, do it in such a way that he never forgets your departure: say nasty things to him, tell him that you never loved him, etc. But this is only appropriate if the husband really deserves it.

What will the unforgiven betrayal of her husband lead to?

Breaking up is never easy. But there are situations when it would be better to get a divorce than to try to save the family. If, despite all the advice on how to forgive and forget your husband’s infidelity, you understand that this will not work under any circumstances, separation is the only way to avoid living in attempts to convict your husband of another infidelity.

If a man does not feel remorse about betrayal and plans to do so in the future, he should not continue the relationship and forget the betrayal without regrets.

When your partner declares that he doesn’t want to live next to you, you shouldn’t tolerate it and be around someone who doesn’t need you.

Finally, if you definitely decide to get a divorce, allow yourself to express everything you want to say to the man. So much so that he remembers your words for the rest of his life.

Clear analysis of actions i

Many are sure that the most important thing when cheating is to find as many reasons as possible to hate the one who betrayed. But in fact, such a psychological technique will only aggravate the situation, because the more terrible the picture before your eyes, the more often you will begin to wonder - how did this person even end up nearby? The most important thing here is not to overdo it with emotions. You are hurt, you are offended, but all these are temporary difficulties. Over time, this storm in your soul will subside, and you will be able to soberly look your fear in the eye.

First of all, decide for yourself whether you will forgive your partner. Cheating is not a guarantee for separation. And there can be many reasons for this. After all, your significant other could have been taken advantage of while he/she was unconscious. Or everything that happened was some kind of spontaneous mistake that the culprit regrets. Physical proximity doesn't matter as much anymore. The most important thing is your feelings. If you are truly made for each other, then you can always find a way to reconcile. Even if it hurts a lot inside.

The second step is to decide on further actions. If you break up, then devote all your attention to this process. Treat the breakup as an unpleasant, but obligatory matter. Plan your free time, taking into account the absence of your partner, pick up your things, keys and, in general, everything that belongs to you. If you decide to forgive, then think about the list of conditions that the traitor must fulfill in order to restore your trust. The most important thing is not to get lost in the emotional jungle. The more often you repeat in your head “betrayal, betrayal, how terrible it is,” the more you will want to feel sorry for yourself. And pity is not a feeling that you want to experience in everyday life.

Reasons to forget your husband's infidelity

How to forget your husband’s betrayal and calm down? For women's pride, unlike men's, this is an almost impossible task. But there are situations when it is worth trying to forgive.

Marital infidelity does not always mean that love has passed. A husband may secretly cheat or even leave for his mistress, but his feelings for his wife often prompt him to return. Perhaps your relationship needs to be given a second wind and it will open up with renewed vigor.
Cheating in a fit of emotion does not decorate a person, but at least it provides an explanation for his actions. For example, a strong argument or the influence of alcoholic beverages can motivate a man to do something that he would be unlikely to do in a normal state.
A relationship on the side, which entails repentance on the part of the man, gives grounds to give him a second chance. Of course, the spouse is obliged to do everything to get it, and repentance must be sincere and exclude the possibility of new betrayal.

Desire for revenge

As a result of betrayal, a person develops feelings such as resentment, anger or rage. They lead to the desire to take revenge on the offender. Most often this is expressed in retaliatory betrayal, endless quarrels, etc. Sometimes children are involved in the reckoning, who suffer immensely from the whole situation. In particularly advanced cases, revenge leads to crime.

Revenge is a completely destructive feeling. Despite the fact that after its incarnation there is a slight release, soon the experiences will return again. At the same time, the mental health of both partners suffers, people are no longer satisfied with simple things. Therefore, you should think a hundred times before dreaming of retribution.

This does not mean that it is necessary to completely abandon revenge. The best way out is to become happy, but not with this person.

And for this you need to concentrate on yourself. Take care of your appearance, career, work, personal development, sports. This will help you meet new people, among whom there are probably people worthy of your attention. You will be able to get rid of the complexes that have appeared, your self-esteem will increase, and a feeling of self-love will appear.

How to forget your husband’s betrayal if you decide to forgive

1. Understand the motive.

How to help a wife forget her husband's infidelity? First of all, try to forgive truly, sincerely, and not just create an appearance, while eating yourself from the inside. To do this, you need to understand why this happened. Often, after betrayal, a woman behaves like a child offended by punishment, who does not understand why they did this to him, does not feel guilty and is angry with her parents. The child needs to explain what actions caused the parents’ indignation.

A woman also perceives betrayal as a punishment for her actions. But she is not a child, and is able to understand her mistakes on her own. Having done this, you will be able to perceive what happened as another lesson in life for mistakes that you will not repeat.

You should not shift the blame for what happened to someone else from your circle or your husband’s circle. This will not solve the question of how to forget your husband’s betrayal and continue to live peacefully with him. Rather, on the contrary, the role of the sufferer will aggravate the existing anxiety after the betrayal.

2. Dialogue.

Have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband and perhaps dialogue will help resolve the misunderstanding. Follow a few rules:

Don't go off topic. Don't bring up past quarrels. Discuss what concerns you here and now. If the conversation develops into a conflict in a raised voice, bring up unrelated issues. For example, discuss the children's progress in school or clubs.
Do not use the phrases “you’re always like this” or “you’ve never...” in conversation. With these words, you seem to be trying to convince your interlocutor that you know how he will behave next.
You should not conduct a dialogue while intoxicated or under strong emotional stress. If you feel that you cannot restrain yourself, it is better to leave the interlocutor and go out to calm down.
Do not paraphrase words, do not speak rudely towards your spouse and the woman with whom he cheated on you. Be calm and confident - this will hurt a man's pride and perhaps make him think.
You should not remain silent, demonstrating your resentment. Constructive dialogue will help resolve the situation much more effectively.

Circumstances for maintaining the relationship

Many people decide to stay in a relationship after cheating. This is a rather risky step, since simple reconciliation will not be enough. We need to restore trust, and this is very difficult to do. The partner will constantly suspect the spouse. This situation has a bad effect on the state of mind, health and peace of family life.

If you decide to go all the way and fight for your happiness with the person who cheated on you, use the tips and recommendations outlined in our article.

To maintain your relationship with your loved one, you should pay attention to the following:

What were the intentions of the cheating partner . After all, casual sex while intoxicated and a love affair with a double life look completely different. They do not need to be perceived equally. And the partner’s behavior is completely different. In the first case, he will most likely regret and sprinkle ashes on his head, and in the second, there is no talk of regret, since it was a purposeful step.
The reason and the situation preceding the betrayal . It's rare that infidelity is spontaneous. More often it occurs as a result of a quarrel, dissatisfaction in sexual life, or an insufficiently close relationship between spouses. Understanding the motives will lead to an objective picture of betrayal. What is it: a mistake or a planned action.
The emotional state of a traitor . His desire to save the marriage must stem from sincere repentance for his action. He must help his partner himself, convince him of his feelings. Or, on the contrary, try to distance yourself from him. If the spouse does not repent, then the likelihood of maintaining the relationship is negligible.
Reason for saving marriage . Many people keep their families for the sake of their children. But this state of affairs is quite controversial. The reason is in the emotional background. Frequent conflicts, arguments, and dissatisfaction with relationships are much worse for a child than a quiet life with one of the parents. Children must learn to communicate correctly with a partner in the family.

You need to make a decision calmly and with a sober head. Time must pass so that the spouse can reason carefully and make a final decision. At this time, all extremely negative and extremely positive emotions, such as resentment, embarrassment, affection, happy memories, etc., are not taken into account. Impartiality will help to draw the correct conclusion from the actions of the spouse.

How to forget your husband’s betrayal and forgive him: 3 important steps

Step 1: Acceptance and forgiveness.

Try to understand that there is no turning back. It is impossible to change what happened. Accept what happened. This is the first step to trying to forget your husband’s infidelity.

Next, you need to understand why this happened. If the reason is clear, have a serious conversation with your husband, but it should be sincere and calm. Dialogue will also help in cases where you have not fully clarified what was the motive for betrayal. The spouse will try to honestly explain his position if he intends to continue the relationship with you.

Does the partner say that the reason for the betrayal was a loss of control due to, for example, alcohol intoxication or strong desire? Remember: a man's desire to lose control comes from misunderstandings in the family or lies even deeper. Try to discuss it.

The situation that has arisen should be resolved together. If you don't do this, the betrayal may happen again. Often men try to get away from important conversations and avoid them. Don't let the dialogue stop. Drive it slowly and calmly until you get to the main point.

Step 2: His responsibility.

Another step towards reconciliation is the man’s responsibility for the situation that has arisen. You should acknowledge it and do everything possible to obtain forgiveness. At the same time, you should not remain silent. Tell your husband about your desires and feelings.

You may say, “My husband won’t hear what I want.” But even if you ask a psychologist for advice on how to forget your husband’s betrayal, he will say that without the ability to express your feelings you will not come to acceptance and forgiveness. Try to explain to your man what exactly you are waiting for, what actions he should take so that you forget about the betrayal.

Step 3: Letting go.

Finally, to forget about your husband’s infidelity, perform a certain ritual that will help you let go of the situation. Write down everything you think about cheating, all the unpleasant associations it causes. Have your husband do the same, but don't look at each other's lists. Then burn, trample or simply throw them away. The main thing is together. Going through the three steps of forgiveness will definitely help remove difficult thoughts from your head and renew your relationship, give it a new start, and forget the betrayal.

What absolutely should not be done

After betrayal, irritation and rage do not go away for a long time. The woman suffers, worries, and gradually the tension begins to destroy the body. Insomnia occurs, blood pressure rises, and headaches occur.

Diseases of the stomach and other organs develop from nervous stress, so it is very important to pull yourself together and extinguish hatred. After all, your husband’s misconduct is not worth your well-being. Think about your children and yourself. You need health to move on with your life, raise your children and become happy again.

When there are children in the family, the breakdown of relationships is much more painful, because the child loves his parents equally and suffers greatly during their quarrels.

If dad and mom do not temporarily live together, do not demand that the child not communicate with his father, do not turn the baby against him. No matter what happens between you, he will always remain the dad for the children that they need. The child's psyche is delicate, the child can get sick due to nervousness, so do not drag him into your squabbles and never say that the father is bad.
Drive away the desire for revenge. This feeling will not bring satisfaction if it is realized. Do not try to spite your husband to cheat with the first person you meet. After this, shame for oneself will be added to the resentment and bitterness. You can calm down by changing your surroundings and completely occupying yourself with something.

Alcohol and pills

It is important not to become addicted to alcohol. A glass of wine is not much, but after it you feel light and pleasant in your soul. But in an attempt to relieve internal pain, you can start taking such medicine constantly, and this is very bad. Even the most beautiful man is not worth your health and such suffering.

You should also not get carried away with sedative pills. You can drink them once or twice to recover from the news of betrayal, but you cannot build this into a system. It is difficult to get rid of such an addiction. Every day you will need more pills to get your nerves in order. And in a few months you can turn into a drug addict.

How to behave so that your husband does not cheat

Talk with your man about his work, mood, take an interest in his affairs.
Show trust, care, share your feelings and maintain intimacy. This will contribute to a strong relationship.
Find common interests and implement them. Go to the cinema, for walks and try to spend more time together. Discuss common topics and share thoughts.

Ways to calm down

When there is still love in your soul and the thought of separation is unbearable, you should try to save the relationship. After all, both partners are often to blame for betrayal.

Maybe you stopped paying enough attention to your spouse, you were too busy with work and friends, your husband felt lonely and stumbled. Therefore, when you are ready to talk, explain to your husband and find out what did not suit him.

While you understand yourself, you should not cry and suffer around the clock, such behavior will not lead to good.
When you are in a lot of pain and you don’t know how to survive your husband’s betrayal, take care of yourself. This will distract you from unpleasant thoughts and give you confidence.
Go to a beauty salon, change your hairstyle, dye your hair.
Update your wardrobe, change your clothing style. These experiments will distract you from constant thoughts about betrayal and will not allow you to turn into a tearful martyr.
It's good to go on vacation. If possible, go to the seaside for a few days or visit another city. A change of environment will calm the soul and give strength.
Try to forget for a while about your husband and his betrayal, this will restore your inner harmony.

What's good about something you can't forget?

The answer to this question is related to the functions inherent in nature. If something poses a threat to life and health, then it is imprinted for a long time, forever. “When you burn yourself on milk, you blow on water.” Yes, on the one hand, it is unpleasant. On the other hand, you can be sure that you will not “step into the same water twice.” Moreover, it’s not even a matter of conscious control. Your mind and soul have been rebuilt taking into account the new experience. Now, even if you do not specifically monitor your husband, your “instinct” will give a signal at the slightest danger. This is called life experience, which comes the hard way.